Wedding dilema

This sound like your parents are paying from this

if you dont want to be dictated to the pay for it yourself, if you cant afford it save for longer

Im always amazed people expect parents to pay but if they pay they get the say frankly as its their money

Parents arent funding all the wedding, it seems we cant agree on much at the moment ☹️

25 mins away from home is NOT far. In fact, spend some time here and you'll see exactly how close it is.

Can you top up your parents contribution, so the hotel charges don't seem so extraordinary to them?

Your fiance's parents' contribution is NONE of their business.

As JJKCB said unfortunately if your parents are paying for the bulk of your wedding, it's hard to go against their wishes! My mum (as much as I love her!) has had plenty of opinions on stuff relating to my wedding, mainly the cost of things! But as it's all been stuff h2b and I are paying for, it's ultimately up to us.

why don't you say that you'll pay for the venue, so you can choose the one you want? It's your day after all.

Nobody's contributing to our wedding but it does stop people sticking their oar in with their opinions! We've stood firm though, especially as it's our money that's paying for it. 25minutes isn't far at all. if it's the one for you, and you feel their concerns are just trivial, have a chat with them and explain it's what you want and they'll come round eventually I'm sure. If they mention the money they're contributing - perhaps suggest paying for it yourself? That way you do have more control.

You just have to stand your ground. Frankly if you're paying its none of their damned business where you have your wedding or who you invite.

Travelling 25 minutes is nothing! We had family travelling three hours.

It's your wedding so choose which ever venue you want, 25mins isn't far. When my daughter got married her venue was 40mins away. I would of been happy whatever she chose. Don't let anyone change your mind because you'll regret it! We had lots of "input" from her future MIL, she wanted to invite everybody. My daughter had to be firm. Good luck xx

25 minutes really isn't that far. Our guests are travelling just over an hour to our venue. My mum and dad weren't keen on us picking somewhere so far away especially with the wedding being in February, they were worried if it snowed, but we loved the place, and we knew that the most important people would make the effort to be there.

My parents are paying just over half for my wedding and they've not butted in once. I've asked my mum for her opinion on things and she's been great but she's never once tried to control anything or get me to change anything just because she's paying for half of it!

25 mins is not far at all and as far as I'm concerned they should support your decisions as it's your day. IF the money comes with strings attached then it may be best to save up for a little longer and pay for it all yourselves.

My parents are helping us out, and had some very strong opinions at the start. We had a couple of arguments, but mainly we just explained why we wanted things the way we were having them and they understood eventually. We've compromised on a couple of things but that's what being grown up is about, apparently! ?

I disagree that if your parents are paying they should be able to dictate. That's like giving someone money or a voucher as a present and then telling them what to spend it on (albeit on a much bigger scale).

You & OH have whatever wedding you want, wherever you want it!
25 mins isn't far at all so don't worry about that, and if family don't want to pay the room rates they don't have to stay over..drinks can't really be helped but if they want to attend you'd think they'd be happy to make the effort.
You really just have to put your foot down with it and tell them how it is, i'm lucky that mine don't try and interfere but my mum has the odd comment on something doesn't agree on and I cut her off right away.
It's your day so you need to have it exactly as you want it, 25 mins isn't unreasonable especially for a place you really love, if you book someone just because it's closer you could end up regretting it so go with what you think best! x

I don't think parents SHOULD dictate if they're paying for the wedding, but at the same time I can appreciate that they might feel strongly on some areas. If you're paying for a lot of the wedding yourself, and your parents argue with you, it's much easier to say "well its OUR day...". Saying those words when your parents are paying for the whole thing could make you sound like a brat, in my opinion.

by the way, whilst we're paying for a lot of our stuff, my parents ARE paying for the venue and reception. It's a venue I knew they'd like and we got an excellent deal for a winter wedding, which I'd researched beforehand. I would never have expected them to pay that much money for something they strongly disliked. It's all about compromise!

You poor thing!

First off, the most important thing to remember is that this is YOUR day.

I started planning our wedding 2 years ago (we're now down to 7 weeks) and I learnt about 6 weeks into planning that you cannot please everyone no matter how hard you try so you can only do what is right for you and your H2B. If you both love the venue then go for it.

Welcome to the world of wedding planning - it can be unpleasant at times and sadly it will open your eyes to the fact that many people wont put themselves out for you, even in a minor way like travelling 25 mins down the road - including those who you never expected it from. it's hurtful

even basic things - like the cost of a new outfit or a request of yours to arrive at the venue for a certain time may be met with grief and push backs. if you've chosen your bridal party then be prepared to deal with drama over the bridesmaids & flower girls along with potential hen party woes. i'm not meaning to sound negative but you need to accept now (or you will be miserable when you feel let down) that it's your day and may not be thath important to other people. you need to run this yourself and so what makes you and your oh happy - no one else. those who care about you will support you and be there regardless. do what makes you both happy.

it is upsetting. if it helps you're not alone. i'm having grief too - we are funding it all ourselves via a loan (gulp!) but that hasn't stopped my family from refusing to travel and then all making a point of leaving at 7pm - so they want the expensive meal and will get up amd leave almost straight afterwards! my venue is a half an hour drive max and is a small wedding so this equates to a qurter of our guests leaving at 7pm! - how rude! one of my sisters whose daughter was a bm refused to let her be involved and refused to travel 40 minutes to let her try her outfit and go for a hair trial - over a 12 month period! - this is after forcing me to have her as a bm by asking her on my behalf without my knowing about it!....its got so bad and she has been so vile generally that it is not repairable (and i mean our relationship, genuinely, she has been awful to me and ruined most of my wedding planning out of spite for which i iwll never forgive her) and now none of them are coming at all.

if your parents are contributing then you must expect them to want a say. you need to set boundaries and agree ask what involvement they expect for their money - if you arent happy with 'the terms' then dont accept the money and do exactly as you please - making the wedding a 3 hour drive away if it makes you happy!

through all the crap, those people who really do care will also become evident to you - and remember who they are because those are the people you need to concentrate on for the future.

good luck!

I don't agree with this. I also don't think anyone expects parents to pay unless they offer to.

Firstly, you only get one wedding to plan in life and you have to have it how you want because you live with the memories forever. I don't think you should be able to buy yourself another wedding to have your way, unless you want to renew your vows, because then it is up to someone else who has to live with your memories of your version of a wedding.

Secondly, have you ever observed someone returning/rejecting their parents offer of money for their wedding because they were interfering? I have. Be prepared for all hell to break lose and some pretty damaging rifts to open up. My uncle hasn't spoken to his SoniL, father of his grandchild since. It's a likelihood that if someone cares about you enough to make an offer of a contribution to your day, it's probably because they save up and it's important to them and they want to be involved. They are not likely to happy when it's thrown back at them.