Wedding Gift Lists- what are you doing?

I am doing my own gift list for the Jubilee Sailing Trust - listing items they need for their ships on the list.

On my mum's insistence, we're also registered with John Lewis - and my friend who recently got married with no list has backed her up saying they have things they have no room for!

I'm thinking of giving the charity list to all the guests but the John Lewis one only to those I know who are likely to want to buy 'a thing'.

We are just going to ask for no gifts but if people want to give something then a donation towards our honeymoon. I know people say it sounds rude to ask for money but we're not really asking, just giving people the option. We don't mind if people are unable to or choose not to give anything as we have everything we need and everything will be paid for by then so it will just be a bit extra. I'd rather just say money or nothing than be too polite and end up with people spending unnecessary money on things we don't need or can't use

Why not just not say anything?

You'll find that they'll probably put some money in a card or just get you a little present anyway.... I'm surprised people still buy things like toasters etc. friends of mine who haven't mentioned anything ended up with money or things like silver photo frames.

I've lived with my OH for years and we have everything we need so on invitations we haven't mentioned gifts but on our website we had a small line explaining we don't have a gift list but if people felt obliged then we would appreciate money towards our honeymoon.

This is a funny one for us, it is second wedding for both of us and we feel greedy asking for presents when a lot of the guests will have given gifts at our first weddings. Think we just won't ask for anything and then if people want to get us anything it will be a surprise.

We have set up one of those honeymoon gift list websites. We did at first think it cheeky to ask for money but we can't have a honeymoon without the help. Our parents knew this so between them have paid for half of the honeymoon which was a lovely surprise and amazing of them. We broke each thing down into chunks between £10 - £50 so people can give as much or little as they like. But also if people give nothing thats fine too.

We've got a Honeymoon Fund set up with Trailfinders, who we've booked our honeymoon with ?

I'm struggling a bit with this too.

We don't want to ask for money for the honeymoon because we don't feel thats what you should spend your wedding gift on (not trying to be controversial it's just my view) And we don't want to ask for money even though we are saving for a house because I just feel a bit uncomfortable with it. We are setting up a small gift list at John Lewis to allow people to buy a gift if they do want to or they can then equally give vouchers or cash if they choose too. I think we will mention it on the invites and website in in a fairly subtle way just to avoid having to answer the same question over and over when people ask.

It is accepted for the couple to presume people will want to gift so I don't feel it rude to give the option. It's up to them wether or not they give anything.

We are well aware that people are travelling for our wedding as well as the cost of hotel rooms and I genuinely don't want people to feel they have to buy something but equally if it was me as a guest I would feel I wanted to give something.

It's a tough one!

We told people that we have everything we need but they were adamant to get something, money would be best. I had an engagement do 5 years ago and THAT gave us everything we needed for our new life. For my situation its cheeky to ask for more stuff! also this sounds brutal but I'd properly ebay the items i don't need ?

We don't particularly want any 'stuff' either as we've been living in our rented furnished flat for over 2 years, and will be there until December this year. We don't have any more storage to be honest! So we're not asking for anything - can't stand money poems they're so cheeky! People who've actually asked our parents what we want have been told money, but this way, people who prefer to buy a gift of their own accord e.g. photo frame can still do so. If I'm honest I prefer getting money or vouchers as wedding presents, it's so much easier.

Bristol Bride83, this is what we want to do. Can I ask how you have worded this on your invites, as we're struggling?! Thank you. X

We haven't mentioned anything on our invitations about gifts. We've told our parents that if anyone asks then we'd like money or vouchers.

I really wish I could tell you. We are still making our invites so haven't got to this yet. But we have already spoken to all the family to explain so it's only really friends let to tell. Maybe tell people first? No one we've spoken to has minded and understood.

As with many of the above, we've set up a honeymoon fund. We've also tried to be as clear as possible in the invites that a) we don't expect people to give us anything and b) that we REALLY don't need irons, toasters, cutlery sets etc.

In fact, the other day my aunt complimented us on the wording in the invite for the gifts, which must mean we'd got it right as she's rather judgemental! ?

Hi jfilsell, thanks for your reply, would you mind sharing the wording you used please? Thank you x

Sure thing Lindy - I'll dig it out when I get home. You might not agree, but hopefully it'll prove useful ?

We are using Prezola, it's like setting up a gift list at John Lewis but is online and you can put stuff on there from loads of different shops so it's not restrictive.

We are also going to put on there some gift vouchers that people can buy if they want to, that way we get gift vouchers to the same shop, rather than £10 at one shop and £10 at another, and everyone can do what they want.

I do feel awkward putting it on the invite tho - how have people worded their invites?

Prezola send out little cards so I can put them in the invites but don't know what to write about it :/

We were going to put nothing on the invites as to what we wanted however we changed our minds. We are wanting to buy new things for the house so our list will be with NEXT. if I attend a wedding I would rather buy the couple something they wanted instead if guessing and them maybe getting 2 of the same item.

Hi Jfilsell,

Would you be happy to share what you wrote? x

.... sorry just seen your other post saying you will - thank you

Just had a look at this site... great idea. People can also contribute towards honeymoon or cash contributions. thank you

If it's any reassurance we didn't have a list and diddnt ask for anything in our invitations. 95% of our guests gave us cash which we used on our mini moon. A few bought us very lovely individual presents and not a toaster or towel bale between them. In all the weddings I have been too I've never bought the couple a cliche as a gift, and I know all the previous threads on h about this indicate the same.

Hi Lindy 1984, here's the wording we used on our guest list:

Having you there on our wedding day is the only gift we need. But, if you would like to buy us anything then a contribution to our honeymoon would be wonderful. We have lived together for a few years and don’t need material things. We are planning 10 days in Sri Lanka and the Maldives and anything you contribute will go a long way to making it a dream holiday.

I know there are a lot of varied opinions on this forum around wording for gift lists, including one at all etc. but we have not had a single bad reaction to ours. I think people generally expect to buy a gift these days (though this may vary depending on if it's a very small wedding, a re-marriage etc)

We are inviting people to a party a few months after to celebrate our wedding, therefore we do not wish to assume that we will receive anything, and we really do not mind either. I have always found it difficult when people ask for money as I never have much and feel giving a small amount of money looks bad compared to a present. We will not mention anything and I hope this will be ok. I expect that as it is not actually a wedding people won't feel the need to gift, and as we have lived together for over 7 years I'm sure no one would get us a toaster anyway! Just hoping to not get any awkward questions. We could put "no gifts" but then I feel that brings the topic up unnecessarily.

We haven't put anything in our invites. Our wedding is only small and intimate, so everyone attending knows we have our own house and don't need things like toasters and kettles. Although we have briefed parents that if people do ask we would like vouchers for places like John Lewis and Next.

Thanks jfilsell, I love that, do you mind if I use something similar for mine please? X

Absolutely Lindy! ?

Who did you do this with??

I am hoping thats what we will do for our honeymoon