Wedding gifts and lists

As we both live together and have a Son, there is nothing we need, we are not asking for gifts, but will put a small note in the invites to say the guests do not need to bring a present with them, if they feel they would like to give us something then cash/chq would be very appreciated and we would use this towards our hooneymoon, although we will word it very nice! x

We put

"The biggest and most enjoyable present you could give either of us is your attendance at our special day. However if you would like to contribute to either our deposit for a house or some Argos vouchers to help us furnish it once we get it, we will be delighted to accept your gift."

in small print at the back of the invitation pack so it's up to people what they want to do.

On one hand, tradition considers it rude to ask for gifts - but from a guest's point of view, people expect to give you a gift. So how will they know what you want unless you tell them, otherwise they have to ring and ask what you want.

If people get upset by it being in the invitations then they're probably the sort of people that would find plenty enough to moan about on the day for some reason or another, so their lack of attendance is probably no great loss.

The important thing is to treat gifts - particularly if you're asking for cash - as a bonus, not dependent, so if you need £3000 for a honeymoon and only get £600 you aren't in a pickle.

Oh gawd... here we go again!! You will get loads of different views on this! It's one of the things that Hitchers are really divided on.

We're not asking for any gifts or putting any mention of gifts / money on our invitations. I personally think that it's rude to ask and I happily await my ten toasters! ?

Imagine if you ended up with 15 toasters!

We havent asked for anything and not mentioned gifts at all. If people ask us then we say we would prefer money or vouchers but at the end of the day Im just glad they can can come. Id rather they spent their money at the bar

There are lots of money poems out there which i think are really sweet but theres a fine line between sweet and tacky!!

I'm sure you'll get hundreds of opinions on this!!!Some people will prefer to know what you want, some people will buy you what they want whether you have alist or not, some people might turn up with nothing, some peolple may be offended that you've asked for gifts but I would never turn up empty handed whether there was a gift list, money poem or what. It's a really tricky one!!

What she said. And I find it a little off that to object to a gift list as rude somehow makes you generalised moaning minnie who wouldn't be missed at a wedding!

I would hate for people to spend money on something I don't want, need or appreciate, so I'm making a list. It's a short list - Ikea vouchers or cash towards a new kitchen. And TBH if someone bought me something I hate I'd take it back for a refund anyway.

Some people do a John Lewis gift service list, some appoint a gift co-ordinator that people can contact if they would like to buy a gift. Some ask for cash, some say nothing at all.

But I hate lists that only have large items, and I hate no list at all.

Just my opinion - and you'll get a hundred different views here! (search for previous threads - interesting!)

I can't get past the premise:

I would hate to tell people how to spend their money.

We havent asked for anything because we are getting married abroad an our guests will already have forked out a fortune to come. But i dont think there is anything wrong with asking for a gift or money, in the olden days people were given things for their houses because they had never lived together and needed all that stuff. These days people already have that stuff. I wouldnt think twice about getting someone a present for their wedding but i would rather an idea instead of guessing and buying something they dont want. All i would say is if your asking for certain things from a list instead of just money or vouchers then make sure there is plenty of choice on the list with lower priced items as my cousin had one and there wasnt alot on the list and most of it got bought quickly meaning i go stuck with a few expensive options. I also prefer to buy vouchers than just give money.

Most of our friends who will be attending our wedding are already married & supplied gift lists for their wedding so I'm confident that it is an accepted practise amongst our group of friends. What I will be doing is putting a similar comment to AJ on the lines of 'Your biggest gift to us is your attendance to our wedding. For those of you who feel you want to get us a gift to help us furnish our home we have a gift list but we do not want you to feel obliged to buy from this list' On our list we are going to have a wide selection of gifts that are small & affordable. I really want an Emma Bridgewater dinner service so I will give the option for people to buy individual plates etc if they don't want to/can't afford to spend a lot but still want to get us a little something. I always feel awkward when it comes to 'asking' for something but I know if I don't put a gift list in with our invitations I will get 80+ phone calls/emails from people asking for it.

Were definately making a list - we have had loads of people ask us already.

We moved into our house last year but bought cheapy stuff to get us going so we really will be very grateful for anything we get.

It'll be a very varied list with something to suit all budgets. Its mostly family who have been asking about a list. Generally our crowd of friends all give each other £ as wedding presents (guaging from past weddings etc).

Its each to their own and everyone knows their own guests etc - I dont think theres a right or wrong with this kind of thing - its a personal decision.

?

I'm hiding under the desk to read this thread as it develops!!!

I agree with Trickers, I found it very uncomfortable to write about gifts on the invites.

However, I did it because my Auntie said in her opinion she was rather it was there as she felt like it was a bit rude to not include it as it feels like we are saying "We don't expect you to be able afford to give us a gift" (Not saying I agree with this, but if either way was going to offend people, we may as well write it rather than having the same discussion 100 times)

So I can see both sides! I think it depends on who your inviting - you know them beter than us so do what you think won't offend people.

We will have on our invites that we just want them to be there with us on the day and a gift is only if they want to. But we're definately having something about gifts in our invites as people are already asking what we want! There is no way I am telling everyone individually. To be honest as we are DIYing our home we really need big items like bookcases and chair, table, settee etc as the ones we have are second or third hand and we'd like some new items we are choosing because we like them rather than things we can afford but may not really like if that makes sence, so we will prob ask for vouchers/money towards these.

Hi

We've had made up some postcards to go in with the invite with a message along the lines of: Our gift list consists of the presence of your company to celebrate our marriage with us, as we have a home already (and therefore, plenty of pots, pans, bedding, towels and other household items) we do not require a traditional gift list. Should anyone feel the need to bring a gift, then we would appreciate money/cash or leisure vouchers to enable us to enjoy a honeymoon following our wedding.

To be honest, i have no problems whatsoever with receiving an invite with a gift list (and have received many invites with a gift list in, in fact i can't remember an invite without one in!!) and basically because we have no need for people bringing an idea such as a vase or glasses or tea towels, then it's much easier for people to know what our situation is straight away - i have several older relatives who would only ring round the family to find out anyway, so it'll save them that.

I've had a couple of occassions i've attended weddings when i was a single parent (with limited funds and having to pay out for accommodation/travel) and have turned up with the offering of a £10 gift voucher for the bride & groom's chosen store and have been made to feel that i've turned up with a £100 voucher.

The only advice i would probably give someone if they were dead set against sending a gift list out with the invites, is to have copies of a gift list available with yourselves & your parents (maybe even your grandparents) so that when/if people do ask, then you're prepared.

I'm anti gift lists - if we get asked what we want, people will be told we want them there. If they feel they must spend some money we'll suggest they donate it to charity or that they bring us a copy of their favourite book.

One day I'll get my library, mwahahahahaha!

What a lovely thought CB! We are doing a charity donation for the favours

(secretly I want a Dualit 4 slice toaster and a Kitchen Aid mixer in red but can't bring myself to do it!).

Oooh Dualit's are lovely aren't they, noisy buggers though!

In answer to the question, there's really nothing we need.. What I WANT on the other hand is lots of things but I dunno if I want to do a gift list though. I would much prefer something towards our honeymoon (Which is only UK based travelling, so the more we got the further we go, but if we got nothing, no biggy as we have the camper and some tins of beans for the stove.)

I take no offence if I get an invitation with a gift list in and will happy purchase something - however what I hate is the fluffy wirting people put in about "it's your presence not presents we want - however if you want to buy us something please get us XYZ". To me, that defeats the point - you've asked for something specific (be it cash, vouchers or have a gift list somewhere) therefore you do want presents so just say - this is what we want!

For us, we really didn't want gifts - there was nothing at all we wanted. We didn't include anything about gifts and when people asked we said "don't buy us anything we don't want anything". In the end, most people gave us money which we spent on posh cocktails and the likes on honeymoon ?

Funnily enough - only our closest friends didn't get us anything! One lot we spent over £100 on their wedding gift but are more than happy they took our advice and didn't get us anything.

we are doing the same as Sarah as me and OH been together 10 years and have 3 kids.

I realise I didn't quite word it so nicely at thet start, that was just the jist of it but after a good long think about it I reckon my man is right and we should just let ouir guests feel free to buy whate´ver they want, if they want.

I eagerly await my toasters!