wedding invitations and asking for cash as a gift?

This subject is an absolute minefield, and if you look in half a dozen books you'll find half a dozen different answers.

We're looking at 'cash rather than gifts' and put this in small print at the very back of our invitation pack.

The biggest and most enjoyable present you could give either of us is your attendance at our special day. However if you would like to contribute to either our deposit for a house or some Argos vouchers to help us furnish it once we get it, we will be delighted to accept your gift.

it has been discussed before on Hitched.

https://www.hitched.co.uk/Chat/forums/t/200032.aspx

https://www.hitched.co.uk/Chat/forums/p/161078/1625107.aspx

https://www.hitched.co.uk/Chat/forums/p/181585/1805733.aspx

https://www.hitched.co.uk/Chat/forums/p/198883/1965601.aspx

I'm firmly in the camp of thinking that it's rude to ask outright for cash (or gifts). There are plenty of people who'd disagree with me but I'm a good old fashioned manners kinda girl!

Few people would turn up without bringing a gift. Why not send the invitations and wait to be asked what you'd like? I would much prefer to receive an invitation not asking for anything but I would then check with the bride and groom to see if there was anything in particular they'd like. If I was told they'd like a cash contribution towards the honeymoon I'd respect that and give a gift of cash (or vouchers if they mentioned a particular travel agent).

For the sake of my sanity though, please stay away from the twee poems. They make me want to ?.

Still, it's your wedding so do what you both feel is best. Do you know where you want to go on your honeymoon yet?

I am sure that there are websites that people can contribute towards your Honeymoon costs on - one of our friends used one about 18 months ago. That way you can just pop the web address on & people can make a donation where it is kept concealled how much everyone has donated but you can see the names for doing thank you cards. HTH.

No i wouldnt do a poem i dont like those!!! weve booked the honeymoon through thomson, we are going to mexico with our kids so quite costly!!!!

I'm sure Thompsons will do a honeymoon gift list - definitely worth asking them. Some people might prefer to buy you vouchers rather than hand over cash.

We're putting 'For gift ideas, please contact the best man ************ on ******' and he will explain the situation to them.

We are in a similar position as in we do not need any material goods but money towards a honeymoon is all that we would require... We have not even sent invites out yet and people have been asking what we want, to which we say if they want to give us something then a donation towards that, everyone so far has been very understanding of this and no one has to my face been funny about it... but then friends before me have done the same thing so i am following the trend rather than paving the way so to speak

That's why I think that it's important to have a gift list or at least guidelines - buying a bottle of something as a gift is a relatively easy "cop out" option for people that don't know what to get someone, and they wouldn't necessarily remember or know that neither of us drink wine, especially if it's relatives you don't see very often and when you do you're driving so don't have alcohol even if they offer it.

No problem - but what if you had ended up with, say, 15 toasters?

Wait for it ladies, no doubt aj will bring up toasters again...

Crossed posts but ? ?

I could think of worst presents to get than lots of Champagne!!!

I'm not arguing, I was just saying why I felt that having a list or guidelines was better than the risk of ending up with a whole pile of useless gifts you can't use or appreciate.

*shrug*

How dare you call Champagne useless or not appreciated gift!!!

It would be to us - although I realise it wouldn't be to the majority of people.

I wouldn’t say it was rude at all to ask for gifts from your guests, you know they'll by you something even though its no assumed that you should, that’s just the way it is. So with that in mind then I see no reason why you cant request what you would like.. it makes absolute sense especially in today’s climate. I would much prefer to receive an invite stating what the bride and groom would like rather than having to contact them and ask them outright, it makes life so much easier. With regards to asking for money or travel vouchers, everyone has there own views on the subject do what you feel is right for you, I have been asked for money as a gift and happily obliged, especially if its going to a good cause like helping to pay honeymoon, house deposit etc etc, the traditional etiquette is changing all the time, I think its down to personal preference now. HTH

Personal preference - I would never ask for a gift let alone money. We'll just be happy that people turn up and enjoy themselves. We're really not bothered about the material things.

We're in the same boat, been together 8 years, 8 and a half when we're married, we rent a one bedroom flat and don't have space for knick-knacks or spare toasters!

the text we're using on our invites is along the lines of:

_____

Gift List

We are lucky enough to have everything we need for a one bed flat!
We would love to start married live with an amazing honeymoon so we hope you won't mind us asking for money towards this instead of traditional wedding gifts.

______

This way there's no awkwardness with people wondering what to get us or having to ask. If people don't like it they don't have to get us anything/or can get us a gift of their choosing.

I think it entirely depends on you and your friends and family, Mr Drifter and I weren't going to have anything in our invitations about gifts, and we had a john lewis list that would have given details of to those who asked. However due to are slow sending of invites we had alreaddy been asked by many of our guests what we would like so in the end Mr Drifter put a not in the additional information sheet saying all we asked was our friends presence on the day and we did not expect gifts but that we had list or contributions to our honeymoon would be gratefully recieved, if anyone wished to buy us anything

Personally, we included a small gift list as people were asking us before the invites went out what we wanted!

No gift list was included with the evening invites - at least 3 people / groups / couples still found it.

A lot of day guests still gave money, even though we did have a (limited) gift list. H's cousin bought us a lovely jokey gift that we wouldn't have purchased for ourselves but we've put it up because he obviously went out of his way to choose us something and we very much appreciate that! (This: /home/home-accessories/decorative-accessories/signs)

Evening guests contacted our parents, gave money or vouchers, or bought us something. We didn't receive duplicate gifts.

To the OP - only you know your guests and if they will be offended by your request so you should do what you think is acceptable.

I appreciate everyone has different views but can i please point something out, especially to miss understood. im not asking for gifts and i dont expect anything either. however i have never been to a wedding and not given the bride and groom a gift to start their newly married life together, i would feel rude if i didnt give them something. i dont want to ask people for anything, it is simply pointing them in a direction if they do chose to get us anything, im sure they would rather get us something we need rather than waste their money, wouldnt everyone?

hopefully everyone will think about it and realise we have been together a long time and we wont need a toaster!!!

I absoloutly agree.

Or 15...

Myself and hubby to be will have been together 10 years when we marry next year and we have most things.

We were going to put the money poems in the envelope until my gran told me it was cheeky lol

Anyhow all our friend and family are aware we would like another shot at IVF so they will most probably give us money anyway, i have also slipped that into conversations a few times and i know my sister and sister in law have taken it upon them selfs to tell poeple what we would prefer to recieve.

I will also be happy to recieve their company on the day

It a toughie this one !!

We are having this problem aswell and I cant decide what to do either!!

Oh and were going to Mexico on our HM aswell..where are you staying? Weve never been passed Spain or Greece and it's such a long flight, and I hate flying!!!

I have asked this before so sorry for repeating myself......but does anyone know anyone that has ever received 15 toasters?????????

We didnt put anything in our invites about gifts, but gave both our sets of parents our gift list number for John Lewis which had "nice" things on it, not things that we would go out and buy for ourselves.

Lots of people got us gift vouchers for M&S / John Lewis / Debenhams so we were very lucky, and we also got some cash which we used towards our mini-moon.

To be honest, we werent bothered if people got us something or not, the gift list was to satisfy my relatives (and our friends as we were the last to get married!) who kept asking what to get...none of OHs family bought anything from the list as MIL didnt approve and didnt give out the number!

Mrs G, we are going to the sensatori hotel in riviera maya. we went to mexico before we had kids and stayed at the iberostar tulum/quetzal in playa car and it was amazing!!!! the hotel was stunning, you had to walk through a bit of a jungle with these amazin birds wandering around to get to the beach. the food was fantastic (im a vegetarian) and basically we wanted to go o the maldives but decided not to with a 4 year old and an 18 month old because they might get bored, also i was a bit worried about being so far away from everything. in mexico i felt safer, theres hospitals in cancun etc. by the way im a mega worrier as a mum!!! we went to cuba when my eldest was 18 months but didnt feel all that safe there. so we went to the travel agent saying we wanted something of the same quality if not better than the iberostar and she recommended this as sensatori are beautiful hotels but are very child friendly. do you have kids yourself then?

Personally, including gift lists in with the invites is a no no....it's seems tacky and sceams 'you can come to the wedding if you buy us a gift'

we only gave out our small gift list to people who asked for it...llike family. We haad some amazingly thoughtful gifts that weren't on the list and also some money.

as for asking for money to go on honeymoon......if you haven't saved up enough money, then don't go on honeymoon until you have saved or have a less expensive honeymoon.......in the world outside weddings, would you really ask people to give you money for a family holiday or would you save up until you could afford one????

Ummmmmm!!! princess love will you read my other post on this thread explaining exactly why i am considering this. as explained if you had read before [posting yourself people prefer direction, wouldnt you rather give something they want rather than something they dont? and i do not expect a gift however most people nowadays buy them and alot dont like to ask what people want ie for a list.

and as fot your comment on my honeymoon. how dare you make presumptions that i have not saved up enough and critisize, how much money i have in my bank is nothing to do with you so dont speak to people like that. lets set the scene here shall we, just as an example. a girls wddding is costing her 10 k, her honeymoon 2k. she has 20 k in the bank. she recieves 2k wedding cash. does she put the honeymoon money in the bank and keep it in savings to pay for the broken boiler next year or does she direct that money towards a honeymoon so when she thanks her guests who gave a present she can say, look this is what you contributed to? because i know what i will be doing.

some people simply cant afford to save up for their wedding beforehand but wont put it off for 5 years because for example they might want to start a family or something. i would never dream of saying to them that they shouldnt be doing that, what people do with their money, savings or debt is up to them and people like you shouldnt say what is right or wrong. i have saved up enough thankyou and not that that is anything to do with you but im not having some woman who doesnt know me make presumptions because i have 2 kids and im going on an expensive honeymoon.

Gosh thats a little abrupt... you asked for peoples opinions... I dont think Jayne meant anything personal, just her opinion of what or shouldnt happen, but thats all it is, an opinion... I think you may have taken that a little personal and your answer didnt really qualify that abruptness.

Hi kbs, i apprecaite peoples tips and advice so much, i really do. i suppose i got quite cross then because princess said you shouldnt have an expensive honeymoon until you can afford one, how on earth does she know my situation? i think there isnt a right and wrong when it comes to asking politely for cash instead of a gift and i certainly dont think princess is wrong for her opinion. what annoyed me is her saying what should and shouldnt be done, it is afterall nobody elses business what things cost and whether people can or cant afford them. in this reccession alot of people are struggling and people dictating how i feel princess just did, just doesnt help!