wedding presents

I don't want presents. We've both been married before, we've both got everything we need, and I couldn't ask for money for a honeymoon as I am much happier giving than receiving and it feels awkward.

But I found people can buy credit with the tog, so I will say that if anyone DOES want to get us anything, they can put some money into a pot. That way we can have some towards the album etc, and I can just ask for a final total and list of contributers. taking off the pressure of people wondering how much or how little to give and what they can afford.

I guess people just want to share in your happiness and contribute in some way. If you don't see asking for money as a massive faux pas, you could ask for contributions to your honeymoon fund or donations to a charity of your choice (I ve seen justgiving pages set up for this purpose).

Don't get me wrong, we really apppreciate that people want to give us something, but we really don't need anything, and we haven't really got room for more stuff. I have a vast amount of kitchen stuff already etc.

I'm always embarrased to ask for money instead, his Mum has offered to give us money which she says will pay for the honeymoon but I really don't like to suggest it to people when they ask what we would like. Maybe I'm just old fashioned ?

Being in our 40s and having lived together for a few years, we also thought that we had everything we would need, so had the wedding list dilemma. We have been to 3 weddings this year and all have asked for money in various ways, some of which have actually felt quite awkward for me, so we decided that we didn't want to do that in any way of other people.

However, like many brides, people have already started asking us about a gift list. And when we thought about it, we do really want a new super duper coffee machine from John Lewis. I have one already but it is only quite basic, and as my H2B is the manager of a coffee shop (it is how we met, I bought my coffee from him every morning on my way to work!), he would really like something that is more manly. So, that became the start of our gift list - it is an expensive item, but people can buy vouchers towards it, and it is clear from the website that they would be contributing towards something that we would really like and use every day.

From there, it was quite easy to add other items to the list, should people want to buy something outright - mainly coffee/cocktail/wine related, which is very "us", and which we won't be too fussed about if no one buys them, because although we can happily use them, we don't need them in the same way as a couple starting out for the first time. If we don't get our coffee machine, so be it - we H2B can manage with the one that we have until we next get a bonus at work!

So, like the OP, our priority is that we want to share our day with those we love, and we really don't want for anything other than them to have a good time. We have put on our website that we will be judging the success of our day on the number of people on the dancefloor rather than the number of parcels to open.

I'm probably in the minority from what I can see on this forums but i'd be chuffed to bits that guests want to gift give to mark the day! We are not asking for anything but if anyone DOES approach us we will say money towards honeymoon pot or something to 'do' when we're married.

A friend of mine had what she referred to as a 'honey fund' (sounds a bit suspicious put like that in my opinion lol) but the company she chose was fab. They had booked mexico for their honeymoon and the resort offered all sorts of spa treatments and trips so you basically buy or contribute towards one of those.

What the couple do is just list what bits they would like: i.e a massage each, a trip to a museum each, meal in the posh restaurant on site and so on. Then the price was listed next to it so you could see how much cost - and for more expensive trips they just broke the cost up so you would just pay a portion. The big boat trip was about £150 so they split it into £10 segments.

So H2B and I bought them both a massage and part of the boat trip as out gift.

I think we will end up doing something similar although we prob wont be able to afford a big honeymoon. So it is a toss up between this if we can get something booked or getting an account with a travel agency for contributions if people do want to give us a gift.

It is awkward though - some people really dislike giving money as wedding gifts.

x

I think my issue with money is that there have been times in my life when I have been really really really skint. So, to produce an envelope with, say £30 in, would have been nigh on impossible, unless I had robbed the childrens' money boxes or something. Yet, if a present had been requested, I could have shopped around looking for something that perhaps I could have picked up in a sale, or online - still a nice present off the list, but at a price I could afford. Alternatively, if I couldn't afford that, I could offer something else - eg I had a friend made me a voucher booklet for "10 sessions of babysitting" when the children were younger, as a birthday present - I couldn't afford to go out because I couldn't afford a babysitter on top of whatever activity I was doing, and she couldn't afford to buy me a present, but had plenty of time on her hands, and loved my kids. So, the offer of 10 evenings when she would look after my two, while I went for a much needed head-clearing run, was worth far more than any present I could have been bought!

I've also bought things off Groupon as gifts - such as a meal for 2 in a nice restaurant, or a trip to the theatre during one of LastMinute.com's flash 24hour sales....face value is far more than I've paid, but I've got a gift that is within my budget and yet is still a worthy and enjoyable gift.

So, even now, when I put cash in an envelope, I feel I am being judged, because I think people will expect a certain amount, and will certainly think I can afford more, when in reality I can only afford a certain amount which is likely to be far less than many of my peers who I know to have a far greater disposable income than me. I've just been to a really good friends' wedding....,but as I have only just spent over £500 on attending her hen weekend, I really couldn't afford to put more than £20 in her gift envelope. I know she will expect more, but at the time, I just couldn't do it without borrowing the cash from my own wedding fund. In return, I certainly don't expect her to pay much for my wedding gift, if she even chooses to buy me one, but I still worry about her judging me, even though she is a good friend.

That may sound really "cheap", but I have lost many a nights' sleep over finances and other people's expectations.

So.....if anyone wants to ask for money or honeymoon contributions, I would also suggest they have a few "ordinary" or novely gifts on the list as well, for those that feel uncomfortable giving cash.

We said the same and people still asked and i know we will get presents etc on friday

I think people think that they have to as it makes them look cheap, they cant turn up at a party for someone without bringing a gift with them. i do understand as i have never went to a engagement party/wedding/birthday party without taking a gift and never will. We have said please dont get us anything as the same have lived together for 5 years and have kids so really dont need anything. But dont hate them for wanting to get you something for your special day. Just means a lot of thank you cards to write after the wedding lol :-)

Fwiw my thoughts are these - it's fine to say no presents for whatever reason that might be, but at the end of the day you can't stop someone buying/giving you something if that's what they want to do. You should just be grateful, however small it might be. I'd like to think we were aware of people's financial positions and would only ever ask for something really small anyway if someone was insistent. I agree that while asking for money seem a good idea - it can put pressure for people to give more than they can afford so having some small gift ideas is good.

My OH is adamant he doesn't want gifts and that's what we've said on our invitations as people are paying a lot to be with us, but I know some will want to give us something. I know one who will more likely give us a bottle of nice champagne, others who will give us money and others who will just join us and that is just perfect. But I'd rather this than the other way which is to expect gifts and have these horrendously expensive wedding lists!

Love the idea of contributing towards the coffee machine though but it's such a difficult area :/ x

Don't get me wrong ladies, I'm not being ungrateful as a couple of you have made me feel ?

I just didn't want guests to end up buying us something just for the sake of it. We've had a couple of fantastic presents so far and we are really grateful to the guest that have put so much thought into the gifts. I was only asking if anyone else had experienced the same.

Hi Steph - sorry if I made you feel guilty that wasn't my intention, just saying it's all you can do hun x

Steph, I completely understand how you feel as I was much the same. We requested that if our guests wanted to give us gifts, that they help us in a more practical way instead so some helped us with things beforehand, some helped on the day and others bought food for our evening buffet. There were still some who bought a gift and we just to them off in a nice way and thanked them for being thoughtful.

I was touched by their generosity and thoughtfulness and took the gifts in the spirit they were given and I think that's all you can do. People are more aware of your financial position than you think they are and will give or take accordingly. Never feel ashamed of not being able to give much, that isn't what matters. Anyone who thinks otherwise is probably not a good friend x

One of my best friends is one of the only few who didnt get us a card for our engagement party let alone anything else. Did it matter? No, she was there of course and had made the trip down on the train to be there with me. However, a few friends who we hadnt seen in years and arent that close to these days, put money in the card!!!! Did it matter? No not really. People give and take accordingly, to their means, and makes nobody a better or worse friends.

I dont expect gifts and if you dont want to ask for them then dont. But dont look a gift horse int he mouth Accept the kind gesture that someone wants to offer

I don't think you are coming across as ungrateful at all. It is very considerate of you to consider other people's budget especially if you don't need anything but it is natural for guests to want to give a gift, no matter how big or small ?