Wedding song .... Could kill him :-(

If it's a song that you want, then you have it! It's as simple as that IMO. If it's of special meaning to you and your OH doesn't mind then go for it :-)

Best bit of advice I was given by my MOH was 'it's your wedding, have what you want, dont let anyone try and pursuade you otherwise'.

If the house was gutted and totally overhauled, how did you stumble across her bridal book?! That's a bit odd.

Personally, I would change the song, but that's just because I am extraordinarily paranoid and insecure!! ?

But I would second the opinion that it's your wedding, do what you blinkin' well like!

Yes your making sence jojo ! The ex wife left everything when she moved ! Even the 2 kids baby books and photos ! Loft is where I found the book, they got married the same year I got married the 1st time. he left her and they don't talk 1 word now, he was pushed into marrying her as she got pregnant very early on in there relationship. our wedding is nothing like either of our 1st.

Took him 2 years to talk me into moving into the exwifes old house but was crazy throwing money away renting a tiny house ! Still Getting used to it.

I was very upset and yes I went mental ! Stress of moving and 4 kids carmed me down but still feel hurt ! This has been our song for the past 5 years and to find it played a part in their wedding is very hurtful ! but I have to let it go ! We're both adults and have had life's before each other so thigs are always gonna crop up ! Least he don't call me her name like my ex hubby still calls his GF lol

My mum and dad do balloons for weddings and in the book I read they did their wedding lol

Im not defending him but it's sort of typical of him, he works crazy hours to give us what we want and he is a typical man with his memory ! When we speak about our 1st marriages he has no memory's ! I new him for 5 years while he was married so I know what type of relationship they had !

Yes it's very hard having a ex wife in the shadows but we all have pasts !

I would keep the song we had chosen if it was special enough in our eyes for my entrance and our first dance.

The music for signing the register isn't as important (disclaimer: IMO) and this is why I would choose to keep it.

Does HTB want to keep it or choose another?

I didn't mean my original post to sound mean or like OP was being nosy! It just seemed like...maybe...it had been left around for her to find 'accidentally'??? Women can be horrid and devious like that. But I don't know the situation.

Ha ha...."ex-munter"....! ?

That is what she had done !! Wedding photo in every room, guest book in fitted wardrobe etc !!

She has always been jealous of us ! Especially now as her kids chose toblivevwith us :-)

If it was me I would change it . I would not want anything to make me think negatively while walking down the isle or dancing . Pick a new song that is just for you two .

I can totally understand why you would want to change your music choice and if I was in your position I would too.

To be fair to you H2B, we couldn't hear the music being signed when we were signing the register. We were in another room and with all the excitement I just didn't notice it. We only got married two months ago and I would be very surprised if my husband could remember what music we had even though we chose it together.

Ok, I'd be upset, but once I'd calmed down I'd probably have it anyway. Men don't think like we do. Mine knew how my ex husband had proposed to me, then proceeded to propose in exactly the same way. Apparently something made him think if I liked it first time, i'd like it this time. At Christmas he presented me with a framed thing listing reasons he loved me. Sweet, until I found he'd copied it from something he had saved from the internet and it wasn't original and from him.

Thing is, he was just thinking these things were nice and I'd like them. The fact that both related to other people, or past lives, never crossed his mind. I'm sure your OH didn't deliberately relate back to his first wedding either.

I'd keep the song, but maybe not for both walking in and first dance. Choose one or the other so it's still part of your wedding, but choose something else together for the other part and some new memories.

Xxx C

I wouldn't have it as my first dance or to walk down the aisle to. I might keep it playing during the signing or whatever as it is important, but I wouldn't want it to be an important bit of music. Not because of what he might feel about it or his ex, but because of what I knew and it may affect my outlook on those moments.

Hello kellouloud,

I think you should have the song still if its your song. As it sounds like the song didnt even mean anything special with his ex. He probabily didnt remember they had the song as he probaily didnt even pick it, and doesnt sound like he really wanted to marry her anyway if they were just doing it as she was pregnant. If he thinks the song is special for you two then i would just forget about her! Maybe ask him what he feels about the song.

xx

My honest 1st thought was to change the song, as i wouldn't like it, but thinking about it more maybe you should keep it, as u said its been your song for the last 5 years so now he prob hears this song and thinks of you so maybe its a good idea,

good luck either way

ps Men r men lol

From what you have said , I'd say change it.

if it was me I know hearing it at any point would remind me of the upset your currently feeling - not how a bride should feel at her ceremony.

Good Luck

L x

What exactly are you mad at him about?

1) That they had the song at their wedding? That's hardly something you can justifiably be cross about - he didn't know you or that you would want that song years down the line when you got married.

2)That he didn't remember? I'm not hugely surprised at this tbh. It was a song during the register signing, not their first dance or anything. He may well not have picked it and have no memory of what it was. I'm pretty sure my H wouldn't have a clue about the music we had at our ceremony - he let me pick it all as music is very important to me.

3)Or that you think he did remember and is lying to you? If this is the case, did he do it to "protect" you, because he knew you loved that song and wanted you to have it without any negative connotations? Or did he deliberately hide it from you for some other reason? The latter option is the only one of all the above things that I think you can really be justified getting cross with him about.

Whether you should keep the song in the ceremony/as your first dance is something only you can decide. It quite possibly didn't have that much emotional significance to him first time around, or he would have remembered it, but at the same time I can see why it might be upsetting for you. I'm just saying don't fly off on the handle at him for something that's really (hopefully) not a deliberate attempt to hurt you.

Completely agree with Helenia. Every word.

It's only reasonable to get annoyed if he actually did remember that it was in their wedding the first time and hasn't said anything all along. It was a register-signing song, not a first dance, so he may not have had any input on it.

As for it being "their" song, this has different degrees of importance to different people, so I don't know how significant the song was to him either in the first relationship or the second. He may be entirely innocent in all of this.

He deffo didn't do it to hurt me, I believe that he don't remember ! Although it annoys me that he can't remember and makes me think what's the point in planning a lovely wedding as he will probably forget it ! As I said when ever I think about the wedding I imagine that song been a part of it so at the moment I'm thinking of going with it, we're going away at the weekend for valentines so think we will have a chat about it then .... Thanks girls its nice to have other girls thoughts x

Oh Hun, don't stress about it. Of course he won't remember half the little touches you do for your wedding. A few years from now, will he remember what flowers you had? An exact description of the bridesmaid dresses? The colour of your centrepieces? No, probably not because these are girly trimmings and touches that you do to prettify the wedding, but which aren't that important to most blokes. He will remember seeing you, getting married, and probably that he had some nice food and booze. Let men be men, plan your lovely day, but don't expect him to have an identical viewpoint as yours.

Have a lovely weekend away, and I'm sure by the time your wedding comes around, all this will be forgotten.