we've had a bust up......

Hey no I don't think you're overeacting I would have been just as upset as you. He obviously got carried away when out with his mates but that's no excuse especially when you specifically asked him to come home.

Have you spoken to him today? How did you leave it when you left with your bag?

xXx

No I don't think your over-reacting. Hugs hun. You must be so worried about your mum. He should have been more sensitive to your needs without a doubt.

that said try and focus on your mum right now and don't make any rash decisions. You need to talk rationally with him about this but when emotions are a little less strained. Hope your mum improves really soon. Xx

Thanks guys. He slept on the sofa last night. When I got up he was watching TV, didn't say a word to each other. he didn't see me leave with a bag. I text him about 11pm last night calling him a selfish bas***d to which I didn't get a reply. We haven't spoken at all today. I never thought he would behave like this, he's usually so loving and caring. It's like I'm seeing a totally different person than the one I've known and loved for nearly four years!

I don't think your over reacting at all and he should have been there for you especially given your mum is ill.

I think you need to speak to him to see what he says but maybe when calmer etc - your emotions and head must be all over the place at the moment (not meant in a mean way my head would be too!).

Is this his way of coping with what's happened to your mum? After all she is his mum in law to be.

Has he ever done anything like this before? There must be something behind him that could be I dunno stressing him out - so doing this was a way of him 'chilling out'.

EDIT: just re-read and you do say it's not the first time he's done something like this.

I don't think this his way of dealing with it. As when my mum was really bad he was brilliant! This is the man I'm suppose to spend the rest of my life with, we are going to face some difficult times together and he needs to be there for me, not run away! he needs to suck it up and deal with it!

I would be livid if thus was my husband as you need a loved one there at a time like this. Sending you a hug and I hope your mum gets better soon xx

I agree that the way he's behaved isn't acceptable. I wonder if he is stressed out?

Have you read "Men are from Venus, women are from Mars?" If not, then get it ASAP from your library or a friend. I think it may help you.

I don't think you're over reacting exactly, but I do think your emotions are very raw at the moment. Let yourself calm down and then look at what happened again, have a long chat with your OH and work it out.

Your fella didn't think which is a common problem among the male of the species and as a result he let you down, and I'm not defending him but I'm going to suggest that he, in his drunken state, didn't realise quite how badly you needed him. The trouble with text messages is that they don't convey emotion, so he may not have got it in the way you intended him too.

give yourself some space, then tell him how you felt and I wouldn't be surprised if he was absolutely mortified.

Thankyou. This is exactly how I feel, livid! And the fact I still haven't heard from him today is making me even angrier!

Oh really!? Lol I shall get it on my kindle today !

Thankyou very much for your reply. I'd like to think he would be mortified, however not hearing from him today is making me think otherwise!

Men never make the first move unfortunately, it's always down to us girls x

Bekkijane not this time. I shall be staying at my dad's tonight & won't be making contact with him first. He knows I'm upset so I'm waiting for an apology x

I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time. Perhaps if he didn't see you leaving with a bag he's just waiting for you to get home so he can apologise and speak to you about what's happened? I think what he did last night was horrible and I'd be upset with my OH if he did that to me, but I know if he came home at 4am he'd be feeling like crap all day and not thinking straight. I know you're waiting for him to speak to you first, but if he's unaware you're not coming home, you may have to wait until he twigs...? And man + hangover doesn't make for a great combination I'm afraid. I hope you manage to get things sorted soon and I really hope your mum is ok. Sending hugs x

I've just come on to echo what the other ladies have said my lovely. He was a d1ck, but most men can be d1cks at times. I know mine is and he has done exactly the same kind of thing in the past (my dad ended up in intensive care, very touch and go. Family were devastated, my h2b was in Scotland at the time and was very VERY unsympathetic - because him and my dad don't get on. We didn't speak for days after that). It feels absolutely awful, and you must feel so betrayed. However, as others have said, this may be because he is stressed or whatever. No excuse I know, but I'm sure he isn't doing it because he's a cold-hearted w**ker. Far from it.

You do need your h2b at a time like this. Let him stew for a bit then try talking to him, see what he has to say. Thinking of you, hope your mum gets better soon xxx

Aww, hugs sweetheart, and healing thoughts to your mum, I hope she's oK. I agree that he was a twat, but I imagine alcohol played it's part in that. I agree with the other ladies, let things calm down a bit and then explain exactly how much this has upset you and that you feel like he wasn't there for you when you needed him, which is something you will soon be saying vows to promise exactly that

I too would have been really upset/disappointed/angry if my OH did this. I hope that you can talk things out.

Healing thoughts to your mum, I hope that she is doing better today

Aww what great advice ladies thankyou. It's so good to get an outsiders opinion on things. I agree with what's been said about him properly waiting for me to get home to talk about it. I'm not having second thoughts about staying at my dad's tonight. Will be at the hospital until late tonight anyway so may go home and talk to him. My mums very poorly but she's a tough old bird! Thanks for the well wishes and advice xx

I think his behaviour is very bad for him not contacting you last night and staying out until four am, and like you I would be equally angry that he hasn't bothered to make contact today. Even if he is waiting for you to come home I still think it's not right that he hasn't text to you even just to see where you are and how your mum is !

If it was his mother in hospital would he behave like this ? Or how would he feel if you went out drinking with your mates and didn't even send a text to see how u were ! No matter much fun you having a text takes two seconds to send

Hope your mum gets better soon x

I know I Know. What you you guys do, have some space for tonight and stay elsewhere for the night. Or go home and talk tonight??x

I'd want to go home if it were me, sit down together and get it talked through rather than dwelling on it any longer than you have to x

100% this

Deffo go home and talk x

I agree, he is totally in the wrong but i think it'd be best to go home and talk it through before it gets even bigger and worse than it already is.

I hope you're mum is back to better health soon

I really wouldnt be going home tonight .. He's had a night off and a day to sleep it off , maybe win the morning if your still not there he will think oh crap what have I done . I think if you go home now , he won't be in the mood to talk and you will be even more frustrated and disappointed .

Best wishes to your mum

Aww i hope your mum feels better soon.

its horrible what he has done and id be angry for a while but is this a normal response for him?

when things get tough for me i run away, its horrible but i don't think about anyone else (my medication doesnt always work ) and although he didnt run away maybe things got too much for him and he didn't know how to deal with it?

not the right way to go about it at all but maybe with how poorly your mum is and the wedding coming up..maybe he didnt know how to cope?.

id go home and talk to him, you can then get everything off your chest.

something is definitely wrong with him though if this is not like him.

Sorry to hear that you are having to contend with this - last thing you need with your mum in hospital, I do hope she is doing a bit better this evening.

Whilst i I know I would probably end up going home if it were me, I think it might actually be better to wait till tomorrow now. I just think it won't do him any harm to have some more thinking time (and to realise you actually aren't going to come home!!) and - hopefully - for I'm to realise what an idiot he has been. I know as a group we are pretty split in this but think I would be too tired and angry to talk after a long day (but that is just me).

Whatever you you decide to do, I hope you manage to get some rest tonight and that H2B sorts himself out and starts grovelling soon! Xx

Aw, hun, I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this.

If it were me, I'd be fuming about the fact that he hasn't texted to see how you and your mum are and apologised for his behaviour. I wouldn't be able to go home and see him tonight. But, with my sensible head on, I don't know that that would be the most effective thing to do, especially as this is out of character for him.

Let us know how things go, and remember we're all here if you need us.

Ok have read all the replies. Sending you big hugs hun ... You really don't need any extra stress at this time. Really hope your mum pulls through ok - so worrying.

Ok down to H2B. Men ... Um
1.They can not multi task; if he is stressed with something else-this will not get airtime.
2. You're mum was ill previously and got better .., in his head she will be fine - no fuss needed.

You need to read women are from Venus men are from Mars.

Sorry to hear you are going through so much.

Fingers crossed you manage to sort things out.

Hope your Mum feels better soon x

Can't thank you ladies enough for the comments. I've started reading men are from Mars women are from Venus today at the hospital lol. h2b has text saying am in coming home as he wants to talk about last night. So I'm now on my way home. Wish me luck. Will update tomorrow!