what do i do?

Ahhhh hun you really must be feeling like crap right now! Lets get one thing straight though what you (and he) did was wrong nothing can change that!

You cant go on like nothing has happened though so to go ahead with the wedding at this point in time would in my eyes be wrong, you need to speek to someone close to you who you trust you can confide in, i would say the right thing to do would be to tell your H2B but before you do that i think you need to think long and hard about what it is you really want and why you did what you did because he will understandibly be upset and want answers.

Was this really jokey flirting or was there something else in it, for him to kiss you full on the lips maybe one thing but to go back for more is something else!!!

I know if it were my H2B doing this to me i would rather know, it would open up a whole new can of worms and i would be fuming, but i wouldnt want to find out months or years down the line!

I hope this doesnt sound as though iam judging you, not my intention but what you did was wrong and i do think you know that.

Oh dear. oh dear oh dear... what is this? doubts? last minute nerves?

i think you need to phone jeremy kyle ☹️

no really, you need to work out WHO you want to be with, and know that if you choose your fiance - and if you choose to keep your mouth shut about your extra curricular activities that you need to be sure that Mr B aint going to come clean and ruin your marriage....

could you own up? maybe your guy deserves to know the truth before he promises to love, honour and obey etc etc...

i think this Mr b is using you. get a grip of yourself and retain a shred of dignity and at least stop sh*gging him until you work out what you plan to do

Sorry, but ?

If you're for real then only you know what you need to do. If you're sleeping with your fiance's best friend a couple of months before the wedding then you don't want to get married really, do you?

Disagree with Louise that you should 'fess us. Why hurt him more by making him lose you, his best friend and the wedding / future he thought was in front of him in one fell swoop?

You need to have a long chat with B. tell him that S is the one you love, want to be with and marry. Continuing like this will also wreck his friendship with his mate as well as with you etc etc etc.....

Get it sorted amicably so that there are no risks of the chap blurting out the truth.......and dont see him again. Concentrate on what you have with your H2b. You know what you have done, you know the consequences, but stay strong....

and have a hug. Goodluck.

You HAVE to tell him. You just can't start a marriage on a lie.....

......well, that's my view anyways ?

I'm shocked.

I agree with OLL and think that if you really want to be with him then you absolutely HAVE to tell him. I have been on the recieving end of this in the past and to be brutally honest if he has no idea and really loves you then it will tear him apart BUT..... he has to know. Even if you decide to leave him then I still think you have to tell him, its just not fair. He has to know so that he can make a decision as to whether he wants to stay in touch with his so called 'best friend'.

Personally, I dont know how you could even consider marrying him without telling him and as several other people have already said I honestly think that you cant possibly want to marry him. How can you?? This wasnt a one time thing or a silly mistake...you have chosen to do it repeatedly. Its awful and I really feel for your other half.

I dont mean to offend you but its just my personal opinion.

Hope you get thing sorted

Perhaps you should just carry on with the wedding and have Mr B there as Best Man while you say 'I do' with your H2b?

Or perhaps you should just say NO.

Because you've been too busy shagging ?

Am glad you said what we were all thinking! ?

Aww c'mon girls, its not a laffing matter..... poor girls in turmoil here....

You obviously don't love or respect your H2B to have done this to him.

I'm not condoning this but once could be deemed a mistake, but continually sleeping with this guy? That's just shocking!

I smell a troll!

I suppose planning a wedding while shagging his best mate must be a bit more stressful than normal.......

If you are for real then I personally dont see how you can say you dont want to be judged!

Firstly, you need to think about what you want and end it with one of them, or both.

If you're torn between two guys then I know how you feel and can honestly symapthise, but I did the decent thing and finished with my boyfriend before seeing the other one, running the risk of not having either. Once can be called a mistake but repeatedly going back for more? tbh that looks to me like you dont give a s**t about h2b anyway. How would you feel if it was h2b who did this to you? You can't honestly believe going ahead with the wedding is the right thing to do, can you? If you're this quick to jump into bed with someone else now are you sure you can stay faithful for the next 50 years? And if you do want to go ahead and get married, I think you need to be honest with h2b cos as one of the other ladies said, how can you build a successful marriage on lies? We all saw it with Max and Stacey and look at her now lol!!!

Bit surprised you would even post here in a forum full of ladies very much in love and devoted to their oh!!!!

Not meant to offend but you did ask for opinions

Sorry but I agree with what had been said above - If you're cheating on him you can't have any respect for him and for your commitment to marry. and you say this has been going on for 2 months, so not a one off (not that that would make things better but at least you can say it was a single mistake) how can you marry him? its completely unfair and what's there to say this wouldn't continue after the wedding?

Anyway, it happened. What you must do, I think, is to be faithful to yourself and also the guy your love, the guy you are ging to marry . Think twice before you work out the decision. I know it might be vwry hard for you. But if you decide to go on with your fiance and keep your mouth shut, it must be the worst decision. Honest is the base of a marriage. If your fiance know that you have slept with his friend before marriage, and you are not honest to him, waht will hw do? I believe, he must be very angry, for you dishonesty, for your cheating, and for your distrust. Come on, girl, you need to be brave, to be honest. If you tell it to your fiance and he hoose to be seperated with you, he is not a good choice obviously to your marriage.

I agree with the others I'm afraid. I think if you could cheat on your h2b how much do you really love him and should you be marrying him at all???? These are the questions you have to ask yourself.

I think once is a mistake but doing it more than that is just wrong, wrong, wrong and to my mind you shouldn't be committing to a marriage when you have feelings for somebody else.

I think your h2b deserves to know whats happened.

Good luck with it all.

Hi, Was chatting to someone yesterday whose marriaged ended after two month because she was having doubts before, went through with it and then realised it was a mistake... Sounds like you are having serious doubts so please don't marry him unless you really are 100% totally sure that's what you want.

Also, whilst I would normally be in the 'what they don't don't know can't hurt them' camp, what with it being his bext mate and all, I really think you have to tell him and let him decide if he wants to marry you. Will be a million times worse to go into married life having this hanging over you and the potential that the best man might get drunk on the stag night/any other night they go out drinking without you and reveal all.

What a pickle hey!

Entirely WMS

Oh wow you are in a bit of a pickle arent you.

I agree with what everyone else has said, you know you have done wrong and its up to you to put it right. I dont think you want to marry S if you are sh*gging B so come clean to him right away, if it was the other way around I'm sure you would want to know (although I bet you say you dont now you are the unfaithful one)

Just remember, its easier to get out of a relationship rather than a marriage.

Do you really want a relationship based on lies? and shame on his "mate" for doing this to him (by doing you!!!!)

<ignores problem, desperately tries to work out who it is>

sorry, you just CANNOT marry your OH if you are cheating on him. that is abhorrant.

I do feel for you because you have dug yourself a very big hole... but i think the idea of you marryin S at this stage is ridiculous.

a marriage should be based on absolute trust and honesty....

you've shot both to hell

WSS!!!

Completely what Bluewater said (both bits!)

I know it's bad enough anyway but the fact that it's his best mate is just the lowest blow in my opinion. How awful of you both to do this to him.

Did you think the advice you would get here be any different ?

https://www.hitched.co.uk

What you and his "so called best friend" are doing is shameful, selfish and downright sleazy. Let him find someone who deserves him instead of someone who will happily betray him, not once but whenever the opportunity arises. If you have any respect for your h2b you would tell him, surely he should be able to decide if HE wants a future with someone who can callously betray him with his best friend.

Exactly WTS!

Are you for real? (not in a troll sense!) I'm in the school of thought that when you get engaged and start planning a wedding it's because you want to spend your life with this one person, the one person that you simply adore and would do anything for, an all encompassing love.... this doesn't include "faltering" and whoopsy, accidentally sleeping with his best mate... several times.

Have a word with yourself, break it off with H2B (not much respect going on there is there??) and get some self respect. Shocking.

Hmm looks like someone doesnt like our advice! Advice Needed Please is a bit quiet...

WSS. I think the fact that you are still doing this says it all. I agree with what everyone else has said.

Hi,

I really dont know how you can live with yourself, I would never dream of doing that to my fiancee. Im not meaning to be horrible but obviously there is something lacking in your relationship to have done this.

When me and my fiancee (was my bf at the time) were going through difficult times, there was nothing happening in that department (sorry if tmi) and a guy asked me to come over and he would help me and there was NO WAY i would do that. I know this guy is quite fit and I was tempted but i didnt go through with it and I immediately told my fiancee and he was so grateful i was honest with him. I said would you ever cheat he said no i would want to try and work things out even if i was tempted. I know the stress of the wedding may have got you a bit stressed out and i could even microscopically try and understand if your Fiancee was away or something but UNDER HIS NOSE that is totally unfair. Im sorry but he doesnt deserve you and you should realise and be ashamed of yourself. Do the decent thing and tell him and have the decency to do it to his face and let him decide if he wants to continue or not. I dont how you can consider going through with the marriage because youve broken your vows by jumping into bed with this man.

The line 'and foresaking all others be faithful unto him' comes to mind.

Just my opinion. Good luck

I've got to say I'm confused. I don't know what sort of response you were hoping for but I'm guessing it's not the one you got.

You haven't said how you actually feel, about either of them, the wedding or about what you are doing. If I were you I would be seriously ashamed of myself for doing it at all. There's no way the two of you should have been slleping around behind your partners back for two months, I can imagine he must be starting to suspect something is going on with you and possibly even who it's with. You can't be acting like you used to around each other, that just doesn't happen!

If you really love S you have to tell him, be open, honest and let him know how you feel. That you still love him and you feel awful that it ever happened. You need to give him a bit of space though to decide if he can trust you again and if he can still love you after what you've done to him. It's doubly hard because he will lose his best freind over this.

The fact though that you have gone off with someone else makes me wonder how much you do love S or whether it's the idea of being married and the seurity of being with him (particularly if you've been together a long time) that's kept you on a path that up until a few months ago you didn't realise you didn't want to be on. That could be what's made you hit that destruct button.

It's not a one-off, it's an affair and that will make it harder for your OH to deal with but you absolutely HAVE to tell him, sneaking around isn't fair on anyone. If you want to be with him, be prepared to wait for him, if you don't you have to tell him so. But either way, you need to stop all contact with B. You need to get your head together and work out what you want and where you want your life to go.

Wow. To be honest I think this is absolutely disragceful!

If you came here for sympathy then you've come to the wrong place. You are the one cheating on your H2B (and with his best man, inexcusable) and there is no way you are getting an ounce of sympathy from me. Tell your H2B and give him the chance to be with someone who deserves him.

here, here!

Well said Jen, esp that last bit! No one deserves to be treated like that by someone they love.