what do i do??!!!!

I have written nearly exactly the same post today! We have had a major falling out with the BMs wife - he is stuck in the middle - desperate to be the BM but saying he cant if she does not come to the wedding.

I have come to the conclusion that it is our day - not hers to ruin. Sit down with your BIL and explain your feelings. If he sides with her then thats how its meant to be. You may find that he still wants to be BM,

Hope that makes sense - you also still have time on your side. Is she likely still to be around in 11 months? Remember you are meant to enjoy YOUR big day - nobody else matters

X

Would it help if your OH spoke to his brother and explained how upsetting you are finding the situation? They must have a good relationship if his brother is going to be best man and his brother must be aware of the situation between you two. It's your wedding and if she is upsetting you then you have the right to not invite her, doesnt sound like she deserves an invite to me! I'd just be honest with his brother and explain exactly how you feel, it cant make it worse than it is already. Why would the brother not be best man if she is not invited? x

She ahs made countless remarks about m y size and figure and im dreading her being arouns as i know she'll make remarks about my dress and the entire wedding. she's already trying to compete. i think im just going to have to get OH to have a word with his brother arent i??

Hey lovely. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you, but being devil's advocate here, if you did invite her as a gesture to your BIL, surely it would be possible to avoid her for one day? All my married friends complain that their wedding days went by so quickly and that they didn't get a chance to speak to xx or xy. Just a thought! One of our ushers has a very difficult missus, but I don't intend to spend any time with her on the day, so I don't mind her being there because I can avoid her and I know inviting her means a lot to the usher in question.

I just dont know what to do tbh grrrrr

I think Jumbly has a point... how many people are you having at the wedding? and evening do is always a lot less intimate so you prob won't see her much. maybe get OH to talk to his brother and explain how you feel - don't uninvite the girlfriend yet cos you don't want to rock the boat before trying to work it out first? and deciding if it really is worth the potential rift - won't be too hard to avoid 1 evening guest? i guess it's also a good intro to many future years of dealing with awful in-laws issues ☹️ xxx

I would say have her to the evening and then just avoider her, you always here the bride and groom saying they wished they had, had more time as they didn't get to speak to everyone so keeping out her way at the reception should't be too hard.

Invting her to the evening works on multiple levels

a) you look like the bigger person making a nice gestue

b) if she does continue in her current vein of behaviour towards you she may well find her self shot down in flames as at your wedding she will be surrounded by your friends and family who is they are anything like mine will take exception to hearing digs at a person they love and care about.

c) If you invite her and she continues to behave badly maybe your OHs brother will finally realsie what she is like and if not well you have the perfect excuse to no longer invite her to anything post wedding.

Don't let this girl spoil your planning or your wedding.

x

I am trying so hard not to let her get to me I really am, and I really did try to get on with her. Up till a couple of weeks ago it looked like he was going to finish with her but ended up declaring his undying love for her. She's also had digs at the fact the we are having a civil ceremony not a religious one. I know my family wont stand for her behaviour if she is at the evening reception so I might just have to bite the bullet. I still think I should get OH to have a word with his bro though

Oh dear Curly, don't let her upset you xxx if your OH talked to his bro about how you feel do you think he would understand why you didn't want her there? what if he mentioned the fact that "you'd rather she didn't come to the wedding" as apposed to a banning her, maybe that would work? mind you if she's ben a right cow then it should come as no suprise to her.

i say still invite her, but put her sitting at a table with people she might get on with...well away from the top table. Give her as little "show" as possible. i mean the will be the loner on the day!!