what do you say?

The main thing that stood out to me once I'd read that was that you don't want to cause any upset - but isn't that exactly what she's doing to you? Have you sat down and had a good long heart to heart about this? Maybe she really doesn't know what she's doing, or maybe you've mentioned things but she hasn't picked up on what you meant. I would suggest doing that first. If she's a real friend she won't be upset that you've spoken to her, she'll be more upset that you're upset.

I think you just need to be honest and talk to her. Maybe you could go from the angle that you cant wait to have her share your big day and you dont want to upset her but that you are concerned for her that her dress may not fit and you want her to be comfortable on the day. TBH I dont think it will get sorted unless you broach the subject so just approach her and let her know how you feel. If she's a real friend she will understand x

Sounds like the two of you have different ideas about what she should be doing. TBH, with 7 months till your hen do, I'd probably not have done much in the way of organisation either (although, if a friend had asked me to, I would at least make the effort)

I would also be tempted to give her the dress 'to look after' and then let her deal with the fact that she has to fit into it. If she has a last minute panic because she can't, then don't get involved. Easier said than done, I know, if you want everything to be perfect. But it sounds like you do value her as a friend and some things aren't worth getting worked up about. At the end of the day maybe you have to accept that she's a bit rubbish and live with it.

Unless of course you do want to sack her? But that doesn't sound like the case!

Ditto what Allgold said - I had a major issues with one of my BMs and in fact its still going on this week.

I posted a thread like yours before my wedding and I wished I had listen to the people that said sit down and have a heart to heart with her. If shes a really good friend you should be able to do that. Tell her how you feel and talk it through and together you'll work out the best way forward.

I would recommend you do this as I didn't and I've regretted it ever since and, as I said, I've still got issues even nearly 4 months after the wedding and I feel as if I've lost a good friend.

I would agree with the others and say have a heart to heart with her. I had a similar problem with my BM and tried to speak to her about it, however I'm afraid to say it backfired on me and she now barely speaks to me. ☹️ Although I totally agree with Gillsy:

I hate to rock the boat here but hope you don't mind a different opinion.

My friend was on the receiving end in such a situation because the bride had really high expectations of her but didn't actually tell my friend about what was expected of her.

It all got very messy in the end and my friend is still upset about it nearly a year later.

Have you and your bridesmaid ever sat down and gone through what is actually expected of her? I know it seems obvious but sometimes it's easy to get carried away.

With regards her dress, it's a shame that she's not making any effort but perhaps she was feeling insecure about her size and maybe wanted to slim down so she looked extra good on your day?

Hope I'm not stepping out of line, just thought you might appreciate a different perspective. I've been engaged for a year now and sometimes let my expectations of other people run away from me. I've had to remind myself more than once that although it's the most important day of our lives so far, it's not fair of me to expect it to be high on other people's priority lists.

hope that makes sense!

xoxo

Oh and I would definitely try to catch up with her in person if you're having a wee chat with her; it's so easy to misread texts etc. I've made that mistake before on something totally unrelated.

xoxo

Thanks for ur replys ladies!.. i dunno about speaking to her as shes very fiery and i think it will end in tears.. i may just Leave her to it and ask her to try the dress on 4 months before and if it dont fit ill talk to her. I think im being a bit irrational as im at the emotional stages now and everythings seeming 10x worse lol!

Ahhh another dress issue...I had the exact same with my cbm/sil2b but she asked for a size 12 ( I thought she was a size 14 then) but went to a size 18 bottom and 16 top so I was lucky enough to buy another dress which I found on ebay that fits. I didn't tell her I just bought it but she got offended by this and said I should have said to her first. With a year to go she still expected to drop 3 dress sizes.

I was prepared to do as you say wait til nearer the time then say if it don't fit she can't be cbm but was lucky enough to find a dress to fit.