What do you think when you see a really fat person?

I guess a mixture of things. I think it also depends on the type of person. Sometimes when a large person has made the most of their assets and looks confident in their own skin, I think 'good for you!' I think the same when a big lady is giving it her all at aerobics.

If they are the type of person to say 'but I ONlY eat 500 calories a day!' They clearly don't (unless that have a thyroid disorder), and so annoy me.

If they look like they smell I think 'ewwww.' But then I'd think that if it was a slim person too!

Its really evil of me, but I do think 'shouldn't be eating that' if I see a fat person eating a McDonald's or filling their trolley with chocolate. But who am I to judge!? They could have been dieting for a month and this was their treat day.

Not sure if any of that answers you question really! I normally take to people who have a can-do attitude, those with a woe-betide-me and the-world-is-against me type attitude just grate on me. If they take their weight in their stride and just get on with life, I would happily socialise with a newbie I'd just met. If they whinge about their 'condition' and complain no one will help etc I'd probably run a mile!

I have friends of all shapes and sizes.

One of my friends is morbidly obese and, quite frankly, anyone who wouldn't befriend due to embarrassment, is the one missing out.

She's a wonderful person. Wickedly funny. Has a heart of gold. Would do anything for anyone. I adore her.

Over the last three months, she has lost 4 stone, which is something she's done for herself. No-one (to my knowledge) has pressured her, it's something she decided.

She has a target weight, if she reaches it great, I'll be thrilled for her. If she doesn't, well I don't care, she'll always be my friend.

As for when I see a really fat person out and about, well I don't know if that person has Compulsive Eating Disorder, which is a recognised psychological condition. Therefore I won't make assumptions about their weight issues. After all, I often find myself on the 'very slim' side, and have people assume I'm not eating (which couldn't be further from the truth). It's not nice to have people make assumptions about why you're the weight you are, whether you're very big, or very small.

I have friends at both ends of the scale (no pun intended) I went to school with them both and my larger friend is very concious about her weight, but she always dresses so well that i don't see her as 'fat'. My slimmer friend seems to think that all fat people are lazy, which really annoys me. When we're out, and she sees a larger woman, she always comments on them. She even went so far as to nickname a girl in her class at college Fat'insert real name here'.

I don't tend to notice people's size, but rather their personality. My dad and H are both obese, and that has never stops them from doing anything.

TBH you should never feel like you would be an embarrassment to be around. i'm embarrassed to be around my friend sometimes because of the things she says. If someone is embarrassed to be around you, then they're not worth bothering with!

Thank you for your replies.
Didn't mention in OP but I'm also on a weight loss program. I'm following WW and I have a personal trainer - now that does get some looks. My PT said to me, 'what are they going to say, oooh, I saw Beez working out in the gym?! Who cares' I try and zone out a bit really.
I definitely don't lie about why I am the way I am, I don't smell, I apply make up nicely, and wear clothes that fit ... I also usually adorn myself with nice handbags as I can't wear killer heels or designer threads ?
I do also love to eat out once a week but currently make 'good' choices.
Thanks again ?

I will put my hands up and say I am very fat and I would never be looking for sympathy either, its my own fault I am this way. I know my mum feels its her fault and I won't say my upbringing didn't contribute but I have been so aware of my weight my whole life and have ample opportunity to have lost it but despite losing 5 stone in the last 2 years I still haven't really got my finger out and lost the rest.

This is awful but when I see a fat person all I do is compare myself to them. Am I fatter? Prettier? Dressed better or more flatteringly?

ts not a slight on them, its my own mental issues!!

Veetee - that's a good point, I think I do the same but I always want to Look 'active' - I walk briskly, and tall, hoping others might perceive me 'better' than other 'lazy looking' fat people. I hope that makes sense?!

Being honest, the only time I notice someone's weight is when I see a really morbidly obese person to the point where it looks like they're findng it hard to even walk, and then I feel a bit sad for them and think it must be so tough. I would never ever "not want to be seen with a fat person", and anyone who would think that (which I would hope is a very small minority) are not worth being friends with.

Lauhi - I think that too when I see people who are basically disabled I suppose because of their weight. I know how easily that could be me which frightens me.

Mostly I think I just don't understand. I've never had weight issues, although I am slightly bigger since having a baby. For me, I don't get how anyone can eat that much in order to be obese. When I'm full, I'm full, that's it. Watching programmes such as supersize vs superskinny just shocks me, the amount the overweight people eat. I knew someone who was massively overweight and would claim she must have Prader-willi syndrome, which was just ridiculous. That used to annoy me.

LLL - good point, I think I have no sense of fullness. I could eat a frighteningly huge quantity - Weight Watchers is great for me, it's helped me portion control wise. Once I've had my plateful that's it. But there's always the part of me that wants to go again. I never ever ever go to all you can eat buffets. Apart from thinking they look a bit gross, I find the concept worrying.

This makes me really sad Beez - you shouldn't feel like you are trying to be the most 'normal' or 'better' one out of a set of people who are somehow not as good! We naturally make assumptions about people on first seeing/meeting them, but I try my hardest to note when I do this and disregard anything negative. I take people as I find them. You are who you are - and ultimately, whatever shape or size you are, your body is the best home you'll ever have.

Gurzle - it's pretty horrible to think that way, it's very tiring... But it's my problem, some days I feel rather close to feeling sorted then other days like today when I'm Out my comfort zone (thinking of forming a friendship) I question it all again. Thanks for your kind words, it's lovely to read.

I bet you're lovely - and I bet that woman would have been flattered that you wanted to be her friend. I would LOVE it if someone I had only just met liked me so much they wanted to go for a coffee!

I bet you're lovely - and I bet that woman would have been flattered that you wanted to be her friend. I would LOVE it if someone I had only just met liked me so much they wanted to go for a coffee!

This.

You sound like a very together , nice person.

I am always comparing myself to others I see / meet so I can fully understand the walking briskly thing. I do it with people on TV the most though i think.

I think as a society, we need to move away from this notion, that slim = healthy. Slim = slim. It does not necessarily mean the person is healthy. You hear people say, "she's a healthy size 8." Whenever I hear people say stuff like that, I want to say in reply, "she's a size 8 but does that really mean she's healthy?"

I've got a friend who is just a little over a stone overweight. She's a size 14/16.

Another friend is a "healthy size 8" who is within the weight range of her height.

Which of them is out of breath after walking up a large flight of stairs? The "healthy" size 8.

My size 8 friend admits she isn't healthy, she's just lucky, she's one of those women who can eat (in her words) "a load of crap" and stay slim. She doesn't exercise and rarely eats her '5 a day'. This year her NYR was to 'get healthy', it lasted 2 weeks. (I used to be like her; eating junk food, and not exercising, but 'got healthy' about 18 months ago).

My overweight friend is fit, healthy and eats really well. She is struggling to lose that last blasted stone, but her GP has told her to relax about losing it, because she's so fit/healthy.

Size is not necessarily a measure of health.

I guess what I'm saying Beez, is don't think for one moment, all those slim people out there are fit and healthy. It's safe to say, a lot of them are lazy b***ers, I used to be one of them!

I totally agree with Gurzle, you sound like a lovely person. I would imagine anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.

Beez, you should have asked her! You sound an absolute sweetie.

As for my thoughts on someone really fat, it depends on the situation. My flippant response is that I think 'please don't step on my foot' ? When I'm people watching, I spend a lot of time wondering why people are as they are - this applies to fat, thin, disabled, muscley, 'alternative', basically anything that isn't exactly like me makes me think! So many different types of people walk the earth and it fascinates me. I've come to the conclusion I'm just nosey.

I'm a firm believer in health being much more important than weight on its own - I value my health and I love it when I see others doing the same. How are you finding the PT?

Stop, stop, you'll start me off!
I totally agree though with the healthy/overweight argument. My dads overweight and 'did' Kilmanjaro when he was 60.... My mum's fairly slim and takes medicine for high cholesterol...
I'm aiming for a 'healthy' size 16. I intend to be fit, as fit as I can be. Thanks again for your replies. x

Cricks - I'm nodding along reading your reply. Yes, I do that, like, I'm not against tattoos or piercings but because it's not something I'd do, I question why they have, what made them do it, etc. In fact, without being too fluffy, Hitched has really helped me with that, I find connecting with people of every background, culture, grammatical ability ?, so refreshing and I hope others do the same and don't now think, ah, big fat Beez ?
Love love love the PT. I did it for a year before I (accidentally) fell pg with C. I like to feel sore and get out of breath and out of my comfort zone, it feel such an achievement to do it. Funnily enough my PT does the work she does because of her own eating disorder. She's such a good match for me, I think that's important too. Sorry if that was a bit long!

I dont really think anything, my best friend (she was my bridesmaid) is a big girl, she's a size 22 but she is fitter than me(yes I may be disabled but still, as a size10/12 you know what I mean). She swims twice a week and does a lot of walking. She doesn't eat healthily nor profess to, but she never complains about her weight and is so outgoing and smiley. We had to get her down off the chairs at my hen do as she was dancing on them! She is lovely and funny and the best friend anyone could ask for. I do find myself being "protective" of her almost though, as I have heard bitchy groups whispering about her or staring at her before when we have been out. Thats probably because she doesn't give a sh!te and makes no apologies for her size, and nor should she! She is amazing.?(sorry)

You sound really lovely and if the opportunity arises again I would just ask! I would love someone to ask me out for coffee after one meeting it would be so flattering!

Beeeeeeeeeeeeez!! Maaaaaaaaaate!! There you are!

Forgot who said this about their mate but this is exactly how I think you come across in the time i've known you...
"She's a wonderful person. Wickedly funny. Has a heart of gold. Would do anything for anyone." ?

Next time you see that girl at the clinic - ask her for a coffee! ?

Hope you're doing OK!!

Random question - did you add me on FB? I noticed a friend request from someone I have no friends in common with but when I saw the initials, I wondered....??

Aw, GB! you found me, peeeeekabooooo ?
Yes, tis me ... I must admit I pressed it in error when you sent the link of your Christmas photos, bloody hell, that was ages ago! I thought I'd messages you to say ignore it unless you want to be FB friends. How old am I? ?
You're very sweet. ? don't know what to say, except I think very fondly of you, in a totally Internet weirdy kinda way. ?

This breaks my heart. For the record, I would never be embarrassed of a friend or potential friend based on how they look.

I don't even really know what to say other than I guess I don't really notice a person's weight immediately. Even when I do, I don't judge because working in a health based job and seeing what different things people have to live with, you never know how a person has ended up at their weight. The last thing anyone needs is others judging them for their appearance.

Beez, I'll have your number. ;0)

Ahhh! You know me so well! ?

Can I just say - OH MY DAZE!!!! I accepted your friend request and of course nose'd your pictures and bloody hell woman - you look gorgeous!! You put yourself down far too much and I am geninuely shocked/

You have no need to be shy. And you definitely do not look obese!

Exactly this! I just don't understand really. If I pop on a few pounds I just go to the gym and eat a bit less. simple. I struggle to understand why people can't just do the same. I guess everyone is wired differently and I am lucky to have motivation and will power.

I know I probably shouldn't say this, but a thought that crosses my mind when I think about obesity is that I wonder just how much a morbidly obese person actually eats. I eat so much food and so much crap as well and (until now) I've never really gone much past 12 and a half stone. Does the weight creep on gradually and then just stay on or does it take lots of calories and very, very little physical activity to maintain that weight? A lady I know (I'd say she is 20+ stone) says she hardly eats anything but I cannot figure out how she would stay so big if that were the case. I know everyone is different and it may be a medical thing, but it was just a pondering.

I joined a slimming group and saw a morbidly obese woman (she was 35 stone) lose 3 and half stone within the space of a month so I'm thinking it must take some upkeep to stay so overweight.

As for being judgmental, I'd like to think that I'm not.

I think I know what you mean Panj. I eat too much, I know I do, but I just don't seem to feel 'full' after a normal amount of food. Nevertheless I've never gone above 11 and a half stone, when I start reaching that weight I panic and diet. Of course I'm NOT saying that's healthy, I understand that yo-yo dieting puts strain on your body.

I know it's about willpower, but I can genuinely feel hungry even after eating a full plate of dinner. I tend to assume that obese people have this too.

It's worth noting, that some obese people have Compulsive Eating Disorder (CED), which is now a recognised psychological disorder/eating disorder.

Jack's cousin is a behavioural psychologist, with a specialism in eating habits, and has seen an increase in CED cases in recent years. Her role is to 'rewire' the thought processes, so the sufferer copes with stress in other ways, and thus enable the patient to have a healthier relationship with food. Fascinating to hear about her work.

I don't really think anything when I see a really fat person.

I do feel sad when I see a fat child though.

Not a lot. I am a fat person now so I dread to think what people say about me.