What is the right thing to do re gift list?

We havent done anything, but have had people ask us what we would like!! When i asked i have said that we dont need anything but if people wish to give us a gift we would prefare money. We had all the same issues with gift list and the money in my oponion are tacky even though we ordered some we didnt include them in our invites in the end.

Be prepared for a heated discussion... this topic comes up frequently and really there is no "right" answer.

We just went for cash or Argos vouchers as our preferences but if people do decide to buy a gift we didn't ask for it'll be gratefully received. Mentioned briefly in smallish print at the very back of our invitation pack so it wasn't too obvious.

I personally find "honeymoon money" requests harder to accept than cash or vouchers because at least you know it's likely to end up being spent on something more useful than an overpriced, overrated holiday.

Most people seem to dislike cheesy "money poems" though...

Most guests arnt physic so sadly if you want money- your gonna have to ask for it!

Just dont get one of those awful poems- vile!!

This is such a personal and subject thing and I think each couple do something differently. My honest opinion is that you shouldn't ask for "nothing" if you don't expect to actually receive nothing. That is only likely to leave you upset/disappointed later.

I think you have to bite the bullet and put yourself out there and say what you want. We initially didn't mention it at all on the invite - we didn't say we wanted anything and we didn't say we wanted nothing if that makes sense. A few weeks after the invites out, many people didn't accept our verbal "nothing" re:gifts and stated, sometimes quite sternly that they want to know what it is that would make us happy. We couldn't re-print invites so we were quite honest on our wedding website saying, we don't need anything, and while not necessary an Ikea/Tesco voucher would be much appreciated.

We did a gift list, but did not send it out with our invites, we gave the reference details to those who asked for it (mainly older relatives, or friends / family who werent able to make the wedding)

We got a mix of cash and vouchers, as we lived together we didnt really need anything at all so we werent after anyhing in particular.

When we wrote our thankyou cards, we made them personal to whatever we had recieved, ie-we used our vouchers on nice things for the house, and put the money towards our honeymoon in paris, but wrote things like "this will be used for a trip to the louvre" or "this will pay for our first espresso" so that it was a bit more personal.

There really is no rules anymore, I'd say 25% of guests gave us gift vouchers (M&S, John Lewis, Debenhams), 25% from the gift list and the rest cash,

HTH xx

Just to add....we didnt actually ask for anything up front with our invites, we left it up to our guests.

If people asked what we wanted, we directed them to our gift list which also had the option for john lewis vouchers on there.

I think you are right that there's no set way to do this anymore, in which case you are best off having a sit down, working out what you would like and just asking for that (or contributions towards it, you know what I mean)! I reckon there's always going to be a faction who will think whatever you ask for is cheeky, so just ignore them and do what feels right to you.

We're genuinely expecting nothing as our wedding will involve travel for 90% of our guests and we would rather they spend the money on their travel/hotel costs. This is what we've said in our invites. However, we think (and threads on Hitched back my belief up) that there will be people who want to buy us a gift anyway and we've told my parents to reiterate that we're not expecting it, and only if people insist to say they could get us John Lewis vouchers.

I agree that there is no single 'right thing' to do anymore, which everyone will agree on... there is only what is right for each couple and their guests.

We made no mention of gifts in our invitations, but we do have a page on our wedding website. We figured that since people have to physically click on the link (titled 'Gift List') in order to see anything about it, no-one can complain about it being 'in your face' or 'unsolicited' or whatever.

Relatives have easily found out about our gift list, judging by the rate at which things are being bought from it. We're a family, we talk to each other and we armed our parents with the list number and opening date etc.

My dad is Indian and he says that he thinks most of his side will simply bring cash/a cheque in an envelope.

Does this match up with what we really want? Yes, I would say so. We do live together, but have done so for less than a year and a lot of our stuff either actually belongs to our rented flat, or is stuff we had from uni and on its last legs. We will be moving in with his parents for a short while after we get married to allow me to finish off my Masters, and then we will be looking to buy a flat and so all the items on our gift list will obviously come in very useful. Cash will be equally useful; any money we are lucky enough to receive will be put in a separate savings account and added to our flat deposit. So this is the way that has worked best for us.

We had an Amazon gift list with a range of things on there from under £5 right up to about £60 so people had a lot of choice if they wanted to get us something and nobody was under pressure to spend £x. We didn't publicise our list in invitations, but if people asked where we were registered, we gave them the link. We got lots of vouchers for different places too, and a couple of cheques from various family members. We haven't spent the vouchers or cheques yet but as we speak, I'm perusing the M&S website adding bit to a wish list ready to argue with H later over what to get*

*I've seen a GORGEOUS vase I want but he scrunched his face up and said we have too many already. I pointed out he's just not buying me flowers frequently enough to fill the vases and clearly I need to create more demand for him.

I may be in the minority here but I would rather receive a gift list in an invite rather than me then having to send back the RSVP AND to also contact the couple to see what they want... I think most people EXPECT to see a gift list in an invite, well I do anyway..

I think from the last time this was discussed it was pretty clear it is all down to your personal preference, some people think it is offensive to add a gift list, and some people prefer send a gift list. Just talk to you H2B and see what you both would feel most confortable with

I'd much rather see a giftlist rather than have the panic about what to give...last wedding I went to there was no giftlist so we gave money as they were already living together. If they found that offensive I don't really care as we asked what they wanted and received no response.

We've got an online gift list which is money for our honeymoon. We didn't include it in the invites, only if people asked. Most people have said what a good idea it is and £700 has already been given with two months to go. We deliberated over it but the fact of the matter is you can never please anyone! We're both mixed and both have relatives who will definitely just bring money anyway, so that was easy; those who haven't asked and are English might bring gifts which will be greatly received but we're REALLY limited on space and have everything so we decided to just go for it and do the 'tacky' honeymoon donations.

Some have said it's rude to include the gift list with the invitation - but I'm not sure what other options you have because all the other options such as sending one on receipt of rsvp seems a bit presumptuous to me.

Eh? It's not presumptuous to include a gift list in an invitation but it is presumptuous to send one after receipt of an RSVP? I absolutely would do neither but, if pushed, I'd say the latter is better. But anyway, the option you missed was: don't send anything and wait to be asked And PS. My honeymoon will be a once in a lifetime experience, not an overrated holiday.

After joining Hitched I realised that this is a minefield - which I'd never encountered before!

As we only had 30 guests in the day, most of which are very close family we did add a little something into the invites asking for cash rather than presents. We knew they would want to get us gifts and I knew they wouldn't mind so we were honest and explained we wanted to buy furniture.

However, for the evening guests I didn't put anything in as I realised from Hitched that some people take great offence to gift lists etc in evening invites. If people asked us I explained we have lived together for years so would appreciate cash or vouchers. However, only about 10% of people asked us.

Out of about 120 people we only got three presents, everyone else gave us money - without being asked.

Personally, I don't think it's rude to include a gift list, request for cash (saying that, I am not sure I will do either - and if I did, I would make it clear I don't mind if we don't receive anything). It is tradition (in my mind...and in all cultures I have ever experienced) to give a gift/cash to a newly married couple when you have been honoured with an invite to their celebration, and seen as we hang our lives off of ritual and tradition for the most part, I cannot get my head around people finding this rude.

I would not find it rude to find a gift list - I would expect it. Likewise, if you wanted money, I would want to know this.

We added some wording in our extra info bit of our invitations mentioning that we were not expecting anything but they could get us vouchers towards our honeymoon if they so wished.

Some did, some didn't... no-one was offended either.

There is no right or wrong answer (look at the girl who asked for cash for a boob job, the majority of those who commented were against the idea but her guests obviously thought it was an acceptable idea!!), I think it all depends on the two of you and your guests.

Out of all the weddings I have been fortunate enough to have been invited to over the last few years, they have all contained a gift list (including evening only) and have all been cash or voucher requests.

And as for my "overrated and overpriced honeymoon"... for us it was an amazing experience, we never go for luxury holidays and still held on to the reigns for what we booked. Yes it was a lot of money (could easily have been more) and could have just had a week together in the UK but we wanted to experience the countries that we went to and I wouldn't have changed any of it. It will also probably be the last holiday we have together as a couple before we start trying for children.

On top form today!

Our 2 "overpriced and overated" honeymoons will be our first holiday for 2 years. as we work all week and have the children all weekend holidays are the only time MrMini and I have together- as such they are very precious to us and our guests understand this and hopefully will help us to have a dream holiday.

I suppose though if your idea of sophistication is a UK holiday then our little jaunts probably do seem over the top. Just glad Im not narrow minded enough to only look in my own back garden.

It seems like it's AJ's own insecurities seeping through again,,,

Nooooooooo Mooey- In all honesty who wouldnt prefer a honeymoon in the UK? You have assured bad weather, as many fry ups as you can eat and Eastenders on the telly...... in fact I may cancell Morrocco and Thailand and book myself into Butlins for 2 weeks instead. I would be so much happier.

Simple practicality, that's all - don't have the money or the holiday time to really do justice to the big overseas holiday, so we're having something nice this year and will look at something different next year perhaps.

It isn't an "opportunity for a special time without the children around" for us as we don't have any yet, and as we don't live together either, setting up our home the way we want it is, I'm afraid, a bigger priority for us right now than lying on a beach in the sun for 2 weeks.

Bad weather is not guaranteed in the UK - we've been away for weekends and had great weather. Besides, if you're on your honeymoon, aren't you meant to be enjoying yourselves in other ways anyway ....? We've got plenty of things in the area to occupy ourselves, and if the weather is crap we'll enjoy the peace and quiet to reflect on our special day away from all the distractions of everyday life exactly like you would anywhere else in the world. My grandparents had a honeymoon in Weymouth (30 miles from home) and my parents went to Bournemouth (60 miles) for their honeymoon. My b2b's parents didn't have a honeymoon as far as she's aware. Maybe it's just a "family thing"?

Will, by this time next year, there be a little AJ around and we missed our opportunity for the 'big honeymoon'? Who knows. Will we regret not having had one? Not one little bit as I'm sure those of you with children will say they're far more precious than anything else.

So they are not 'overrated' as you put it, just not your priority this year...

And then you go an spoil it all by saying something stupid like:

''I personally find "honeymoon money" requests harder to accept than cash or vouchers because at least you know it's likely to end up being spent on something more useful than an overpriced, overrated holiday.''

(earlier on in the thread...)

With some of the sums that people have been passing round as the cost of your honeymoons, I don't think that it would be a priority ever as we could find plenty of other things to do with that amount of money *shrug*. I've been to the US a couple of times in the past, my b2b has only ever been out of the country once on a day trip to Belgium, and has only flown to Edinburgh twice so again, we're not "adventurous types".

We've looked at a resort in Cyprus that is owned by our venue's owner, and for 10 days out there including flights that's about £2000 for us on half board. If not, then it'll be a week in the caravan on the south coast again.

Not really - I still feel that way, and in all honesty I just find it cheeky to ask people to pay for your holiday; in principle it's no different than "buy us a new car" or "buy us a nice new telly".

I dont think its the distance or lack of it in question its your narrow minded and dammning view on things that you dont have.

As mentioned previously AJ, you come across as very bitter sometimes when you talk about things that people are doing that you aren't/can't...

But just because we were in the position to have a lovely honeymoon abroad, doing a bit of travelling and spend more than we would usually on a 'holiday' doesn't make it overrated?

It was our priority to have a luxury trip away just the two of us, as it is your priority to use the money that you might have used on a honeymoon on a house.

Why are any of those 'cheekier' than "buy us new things so we can kit out our home" or "give us vouchers so we can buy shiny household items"?

?

I think the term pot.kettle.black spring to mind.

WSS... a gift is a gift...

Because a home has lasting value and is an essential part of life, whereas a holiday is not.

We're talking basic goods here, kitchen items etc, not 50" flatscreen TV's with home cinema etc.

You all obviously have different circumstances in life and as such feel fine spending all that money on a honeymoon. We just don't, that's all.

In many ways, some of you belittleing our choice to enjoy the UK is actually far worse than my suggestion that there are better ways to spend money than an overseas holiday *shrug*