what to do about inviting children

I personally think kids make a wedding its all about family saying that i have asked for only very close children to day and ceremony but all are invited to the eve mainly due to space x

It depends if you and your OH want 30 children there. Our initial list had about 15 children out of 60 guests, and I felt that 25% kids wasn't what I wanted. We're therefore saying only our godchildren will be invited.

It's not just the running around, it's also that parents will tend to leave earlier if they bring children, and ours is very much an evening do, where I'd rather people stay late-ish (I can't see the dancing starting until 8pm, for example, and parents of little-ones may well have wanted to leave by about 9). We're only going to have problems with one family - everyone else seems happy to leave the children with grandparents.

It's what you want to do. Personally, I'm not inviting kids! I asked one of my friends if she wanted to bring her little boy and she said no!

I guess it depends how much you like children!

It depends really how far i go because if i say only family children then thats 15,but then others are friends and there kids are friends with my daughter and so she would want them there.

i dont mind but like others have said they may leave early,but then they may decide they want the night off.

im just stuck and dont know what to do

Anniepie

how many kids will be at yours

I'm asking for babes in arms only otherwise there will be about 20 kids and the venue charges 25quid per child meal and I really cant afford that.

If you think 30 is a lot, and aren't happy with that number, then don't invite them. Maybe just invite those involved in the wedding, or related to the wedding party.

When we had our big plans, we had almost 50 kids as I have a massive family. That to me would have been a nightmare, I really don't like kids (apart from my own), and if I didn't have kids of my own, no children would be invited.

As it turns out, we're having a tiny wedding, where no kids are coming as we're not having guests.

30 well behaved kids with well behaved parents is better than 1 brat.

If you want to have a get out clause blame cost, 30 kids tots up the total quite a bit.

I was at a wedding with 300 guests a few weeks ago and they separated the children from the parents and stuck them on tables too big for them with colouring books they couldn't reach next to a candy bar.

With white carpet.

I've seen parents at weddings take their kids out during speeches when they play up and others with them screaming next to the videographer only to just shrug their shoulders, ruining it for everyone and destroying any discernable part of the speeches.

So, basically, kids are fine providing they are managed well by the right people. Just one person or child can ruin it for everyone so ground rules need to be laid down. If someone wants to bring their kids then they also have to accept responsibility for them. You'd expect this to be the norm but it isn't, so.... things like 'If your baby cries you need to leave the church' have to be said in advance of the day.

Parents carry the ultimate responsibility so you should evaluate them first and you can't please everyone but it's your wedding and if your guests care and respect you they will accept your decision. It's your wedding day, not theirs.

What's frustrating is sometimes I can't take pictures during the ceremony in a Church because of the 'distraction' my camera causes yet the Vicar has no problem with children running up and down the aisle screaming.

Thats what i keep thinking that it will be chaos but all of them have very capable parents and i should think if they are screaming the roof off in the church then they would take them out ,thats what i would.

I have a handful of friends that have children, and they will be invited.

However, I'm not sure that they will want to bring them or if they will treat it as a weekend away

Hi. We were in a similar situation: inviting all the children would have meant around 40 children at a wedding of around 100 adults. I like the idea of having children at a wedding - it is a family day. But we felt that tipped the balance too far that way, for us and for our guests. In addition, I don't think it would actually be safe/practical to have that many little ones in our venue (and it may be worth you checking that with yours). As there are no little ones in the immediate family, we have gone for the babes in arms only option too. There are some downsides: some people may not be comfortable be coming without their children, and for some childcare may be difficult. So we may get a few declines for that reason. Which will be a shame, but that is the compromise.

The only children who will be at our wedding are the bridemaids (my son and niece) the usher (nephew) and my cousin's daughter - they are aged 13, 13, 11 and 11 respectively so shouldn't misbehave too much. We decided not to have any others because we don't like 'other people's children' generally (at least not small ones), the venue is not very child-friendly, and we wanted out friends to have a relaxed evening wothout having to worry about watching their kids or leaving early to get them home. We may have made an exception for a new mum if she's breastfeeding, but since thats not an issue we haven't had to think about it.

Having just been to a wedding last month where there were dozens of small children and teenagers, all shouting, screaming, some misbehaving, some disappearing, and one getting quite seriously injured I feel we have made the right decision for our wedding.

But it's up to you what you do for yours - I know lots of people feel kids should be included.

I've got 20+ kids in the day and a few bumps currently hence the +!! and then inviting another 6 to the evening!! My nieces and nephew currently 11 means loads to us and they all part of the bridal party or have a reading so for us theres no question of having kids i would personal find it strange not to have them....

But i understand each to there own and a lot of people find kids running about a bit much. however since your going straight to the evening party i find them the best at getting the crowd up dancing :-)

I have an uncle with a large family, and know people who would bring horrendously behaved children, it would be £25 a child so have chosen 2 flower girls and 2 page boys who will be the only children at the day, and managed to negogiate no charge for the children at night given they are unlikely to eat the buffet

Some people are put out but I am sure they would be more put out if I asked them to leave when their child misbehaved. It sounds awful, especially as my OH loves kids and has worked in a nursery but I don't want to risk getting stressed at them causing a mess

We are having children at our wedding as I want our wedding to be family orientated and not exclude anybody. We did have a little dilemma about children wreaking havoc and so we've decided to hire a childrens entertainer for an hour to keep them occupied for a while and give the parents a break! We've also got a lovely venue with gardens where the kiddies can play and burn off all their energy! x

Me and the OH decided at the begining we wouldn't be inviting any children! I know it seems harsh on the parents but the only children we know are cousins children, and one the the BM has two children, but his partner has children too who we dont really know and we couldnt invite one without the other. So we just decided that we would have none. At the end of the day its what you want!

I don't want children coming to mine! Only my flower girl who is my great neice will be invited and my other half insists his god children are invited but they are 7 and 13 so am very much hoping they are beyond the running around stage! I generally don't like kids except my own so thats why none are invited but it is a really personal decision as has already been said - you might relish 30 kids around you - to me that would be a nightmare lol

We have decided no children other than the bridal party (page boy = my son and 3 flower girls = my neices). If we had invited all children there would be around 30 and this would include 14 high chairs. This is not logistically possible and not something we envisaged when planning our wedding. Haven't yet sent out invited so not sure how it will be received, but i think this decision is personal to your situation and at the ened of the day its up to you amd your partner to decide what is best for you.

We would have ended up in a similar situation and with venue limitations and budgets would have meant that we couldn't have had all our friends there.

So we limited ours to immediate family children only and those with young babies (there were only 2 x 6 months old).

No-one had a problem with this at all.

We have decided that we don't want children at our wedding. We don't have any children and we don't have any nieces or nephews yet. We have some friends with children, some of whom may decline to attend I guess. Although we knew this when we decided not to invite children, we will be sad that these friends aren't there with us but we will totally understand.

We had a rule from the start, immediate families children only this consisted of my 3 neices and my 1 nephew, I changed thre rules to include my best friend's daughter both were members of the wedding party and we had to invite my husbands cousins son for medical reasons.... anyway I upset one person in particular who was offended by the fact that 2 children outside the immediate family were there and hers wasnt but you know what I would do it all over agian and do it that same way! You have what you want, one thing os for sure you cant please everyone.

Were only inviting our nieces and nephews two of them will be 5 , one 9, one 12 and two 13 simply due to the cost of childrens meals if other guests want to pay for their childrens meals i wouldnt object to it but we wont be paying ?

We decided right from the start that we were only having our niece (18month old flower girl) as the only other children/young people we know are cousins who are between 13-16. Non of which would recognise me or OH in the street. Yes this caused problems and many tearful moments as two uncles and aunties declined and i'm unsure if a set of grandparents will turn up but with 15 weeks to go I wouldn't change it and have recently completely taken the - It's our day so we'll do it our way attitude. People who care will be there and won't throw strops because their children aren't invited. I wouldn't mind if it were genuine childcare issues but it's just because the kids can't come.

We only invited OH's three nephews and the best man's child and the bridesmaid's children to our wedding, but in the main most of the people we invited didn't have little children, so we were lucky as it wasn't really an issue. On the day only our nephews sctually attended as the other three couldn't come. We invited children with evening invites and about 6 out of 12 came. Quite a few friends took it as a chance to leave the kids at home and enjoy the evening as a couple. We had garden games which the adults enjoyed as much as the kids!

We have invited 47 children....and im sure they will make the day magical. we are children lovers and have children ourselves. these will all be 10 and under and all will be geting a goody bag o the way into church to keep the, amused-hopefully na dif they get bored then im pretty sure all the parents will b able to amuse them.

the reception is at the local club where all the children are familiar with the surrondings and people. we have got the bouncey castle and garden games too but personally i dont mind them running around-like kids lol im sure a few of the men will try doing an aeroplane across the dance floor after a few!?

We're having 20 ish children at ours. The reason being is that I have one, my sister has two and my OH has more cousins than I can count! Oh and the vicar has 4 lol

We are not inviting children apart from family so my 3 nieces and nephew...it is personal choice at then end of the day! Also alot of our friends are glad as they can let their hair down!xxx

Our rule from the beginning, which we stuck too, was NO children at all. This was for various reasons, including space (we were limited to 36 and there would be 4 children, meaning less friends).

I would say, from our experience, it's a very controversial subject amongst guests and whatever you do not everyone will agree. My brother and sister in law have not spoken to us in over a year due to our decision to not invite children, and I'm no longer allowed to see my 2 year old nephew.

I do not regret our decision as it was our day and we were paying for it. All I am saying is, be prepared for the backlash if you have a "no children" rule.