What to do about my dad (poss TMI) UPDATE

Oooooh that is a toughie!!

I think i'd have to agree with Trickers, as she is married i wouldn't feel right. If she was single then yeah no problem.

My OH's dad is a bit like that, luckily at the moment he is with a lady that's pretty serious so didn't have that worry.

I would have to agree with Trickers on this one..the whole knowing shes married would be on my concience!

I would really hate that, it would be cringeworthy if he's gonna openly flirt with some bit of fluff at your wedding - But you know him better than us, would it look bad on the day? Could you not pop him with your Grandparents?

My parents are divorced too, but unfortunately it wasn't a nice divorce and they don't get on.. This is gonna be made worse too cos my Mum's partner is gonna be at the wedding and Dad's isn't (I have invited her but she lives in Thailand) so my Dad will be on his own basically.. I've invited his best friend to the evening with his girlfriend as they always go out together and this should hopefully work out fine.

I agree with trickers on this one... I know its your dad but its your day and even if your mum doesnt mind do you really want to see your dad flirting with a married woman? If it bothers you just say its to late to change everything. People just talk to anyone at weddings so dont worry about him not having anyone to talk to.

hope this helps!

Yeah, its just he hasn't said it is for bonking, it's because she is his "best friend" which I don't really believe, and not being close to my dad I don't really want to come out and say it... but maybe I should.

I just don't see why she would trek all this way for the wedding, they live over 3 hours away!

What with me getting married that day the last thing I want to think of is her poor Husband as she breaks all the marital rules!

Wees said......he is already putting you in an awkward situation and making you feel like that on your day is not fair...

i find it strange he would choose his daughters wedding to have a night in a hotel with a woman he is having an affair with, and that she would go along with that??

the whole thing would not sit right with me and also id feel bad for my mum, personally id tell him she couldnt come

I would say no. Either she is his "best friend" in which case surely she should have her own room or he has lied to you and he is using your wedding as a cover for shagging a married woman. It just seems really seedy. Why lie about what their relationship is unless he knows you wouldn't approve and would turn him down? Seems like he is trying to pull the wool over your eyes which is horribly disrespectful.

At least if he'd been upfront and said "can I bring my girlfriend" then you'd have been in a better position to make a decision. It's as if he's trying to trick you into inviting her. Very bad form*insert frown icon here*

Personally there is no way I'd let him bring her. How rude! Wonder if her husband would know she'd be coming if they're just friends?!

Sorry, I think it's really inappropriate. I'd just say there's no space numbers wise, and if he pushes it then I'd tell him I didn't feel comfortable with it.

I would say no - it's your wedding, there could hardly be a less appropriate occasion for boinking a married lady! I think he's being really unfair to ask.

I laughed in a super uncomfortable way whilst reading this! Your Dad sounds like a right nightmare.. No offence intended, I feel really bad for you.

I'd totally and completely lie about it. Say you just cant accomodate another guest. Otherwise you are in for a really, really awkward conversation...

You can bet someone will say "so who's that with your dad then?".

How could you respond?

"No idea, never met her, haven't got a clue what she's called"

Definitely a "no, sorry, she can't come". It's an unreasonable request from him and, as others have said, totally inappropriate place to bring her - not to mention she'd be most likely in some of your wedding photos and you probably don't want that either.

Taking away the whole bonking issue and the fact she is married would you want someone at your wedding that you don't know? Probably not so personally I'd use that reason to your dad.

Won't be easy to say no to him but a wedding isn't the place for 'stuff' ongoing on that you might be uncomfortable with.

x

Don't do or accept anything you are not comfortable with. The easiest thing would be to say there's no space...but if he pushes it just explain how you feel.

My brother got married 3 years ago and my parents had an ugly divorce and my dad remarried an evil maniplutive B****! She complained that she wasn't invited to sit at the top table beside my dad and that she wasn't included in pictures of the whole family (could you imagine a picture of her with my dad, mum, brothers grandparents etc). It was a nightmare for my brother and his wife, they felt uncomfartable all day with the "step" mother's face tripping her all day.

Unfortunately, my dad passed away in January this year and he won't be at the wedding to give me away. And for various reasons I have tried to remain friendly but distant from his wife since, but on the occaisions we see each other, she asks about the wedding. I have no intention of inviting her to the wedding as I can't stand the sight of her also I don't want to upset my mum. I was planning on telling her politely nearer the time there would be no room for her, but a couple of things have happened this week which has really upset me. And I've just decided "screw it" and want absolutely nothing to do with her anymore!!! Never knew I could feel such hatred to one person.

Sorry rant over....

Sarah - My Dad (who also sadly passed away, 8 years this month) was married to a right old biatch too! I haven't heard sight nor sound of her since she tramped into my Dads house as I was trying to sort out his belongings (he made me executor of his will) and accused me of only seeing him when he gave me money and never loving him. Gahhhhhhhhhhhh that woman, my OH had to hold me back cos I was trying to strangle her!

Good riddance to bad rubbish I say!

Thanks everyone.

And no offence taken where people have said my dad is a nightmare - I am more than inclined to agree, but he is my dad so we make do.

For all I know she may just be a friend, he may have changed his ways... though I doubt it. Glad I have back up for saying no, if he kicks off I'll blame you lot!

JST - I don't want to go on too much about horrible step families, but I just found out yesterday that my stepmother changed my dad's will hours before he died when he could barely talk never mind make a informed decision on his assets. My dad didn't have a lot of money but what he did have in the original will was was to be split equally between everyone in his family. According to an uncle her and her brother were shouting through to him from another room saying "we're changing it this and that" then asked him to sign it. surprise surprise it's all going to her. Our lawyer says there's not enough to make it sworthwile going to court as essentially the fees could cost £15 - £20 K

Oh Sarah that is totally gutting. I was in an almost similar position, my step Mum thought she was getting all my Dad's money and said as much at the funeral. My Uncle was absolutely furious and told her so. As it turned out my Dad hadn't changed his will as he told her and the money still came to me and my brother. It was still scary. It wasn't a lot of money but it was that we knew he wanted it to go to us iykwim?

I am really sorry for you, it's such an awful thing to go through.

Well Josie we have a lot more in common than being xmas brides!

My mum is seeing a married man (has been for 18 months) and I have banned him from my wedding. I don't agree with what they're doing and I don't want everyone whispering and asking questions so it's better he's not there.

As AJ says she will be in your pictures and why would you want someone you don't know there? Having said that, it's your dad so I can see why you'd want to say yes. But I've been firm and said no to my mum. Hope that helps xx

Lynnie peeps

Yeah I'm up in snowy scotland...so there will be a small amount of cash but she's not even being truthful with the moveables. My dad had a caravan which she has sold and hasn't included that in the breakdown of the moveables and also about 6 months or so before my dad passed he got a large sum from my grandfathers estate which he couldn't have spent as he was house bound pretty much for the last year of his life, thats been ommitted from the breakdown provided by her laywer too...

I don't want his passing to become all about money, it sounds and feels horrible. But I can't help but feel hard done by and know my dad would be furious, cause he always said right up until the end he would make sure all his kids are looked after and that's not going to happen now....

I'd say, OK, she can come, and guess what - I've also got a space for her husband too!! That way you'll guage from his reaction if there's something more than just friendship going on!!! And if he "fesses up" you can say that you are uncomfortable being party to an affair and potentially splitting up a marriage and it's unfair of him to ask - tell him he can being a male friend!!!

Mrs_lewis_2b

I'm so impressed with that answer wish I had though of that!!!

Oooo Mrs Lewis - i like that one! Unfortunately I will only be talking to him over the phone so I wont get to see his facial reaction, have to judge by voice. Hmmm, wonder if I have the nerve for that one.

Kj - December Brides, crazy families and Essex weddings, when will the similarites end!?!?

Here be my update -

*blinks* wut???

Good gosh. What a guy! Glad you managed to sort the situation. But blimey...i'm amazed he could be so brazen about it. Some people never seek to amaze me!! I feel sorry for the poor woman's husband.

I feel blooming sorry for her hubby too - especially because I know he helped fund their business venture. Grrr!

But at least I have one thing less on my mind. I wonder if my dad's wife knew about his naughtiness (could explain the sudden divorce!)

Josie, Im glad you spoke to him and clarified what was going on rather than find out the true nature of the affair on your big day, I know it still doesnt make it right but just trying to look on the bright side...

Not long now! are you getting excited?

It's nice to see you have such a good relationship with your dad.

Even if he is a scoundrel

Judging by other posts I see on here from time to time he's been saintly by saying 'it's your day'.

My Dad is similar in some ways and when I got married wanted to bring a friend too because there weren't many people there who wanted to speak to him.