What would put you off attending a wedding??

I don't have kids, but I would imagine if I was expecting them to be invited and they weren't and I didn't have childcare - then I would have to rethink.

Smart dress wouldn't put me off. I'd be miffed about no alcohol but it wouldn't stop me attending.

Why do you ask?

I was just curious.....

We were thinking about the A to Z last night and were coming out with the ideas we would like but then i got to thinking would any of our ideas put people off attending...

Eg H2B is adamant noone is to turn up in casual / jokey dress

I don't want to put people off attending so i thought it might be an idea to find out what would put people off. I personally would have to rethink if it was fancy dress - depending on whos wedding of course!

I think it goes without saying that most people automatically dress up for a wedding.

Are you thinking of a dress code, like men in tux, women in cocktail dresses? Personally, this wouldn't put me off, I love to dress up, but it would increase the cost of attending for your guests. So something along these lines might put a few guests off attending if they're feeling the pinch.

I'm assuming that by 'fancy dress' you're meaning fancy attire rather than people dressing up as Kenny Rodgers, Dolly Parton and the like?

For me it would be things like family politics; unavailability; not liking the bride and groom and distance to travel that would be more likely to put me off. Although, I don't think I'd be too impressed at a very strict dress code.

I don't think anything would put me off attending a wedding if I'd been invited. However I would think the following odd:

- being asked not to wear jeans (errr no way)

- having an imposed difficult to comply with dress code i.e. not just black & white

- a non alcoholic celebration (unless for religious reasons)

- a twee A-Z like we received for H's cousin that made me cry with laughter!

is a non alcoholic reception really that weird? neither me nor my oh drink and we really dislike being in the company of people who are drinking, him significantly moreso them me. although it doesn't bother me if other people drink, i would heartily object to paying for alcohol for other people and don't intend to have any at our wedding.

Me & h2b were recently invited 2 his cousins full day wedding- i was quite offended when it said on the invite- " To (h2b name & guest") - to be honest it nearly put me off going to their wedding- we know h2b cousin &fiancee really well & would go out with them the odd time. there was no excuse for them not 2 write my name was ther???

I would of found that insulting too and with being stubborn would of not gone out of principal lol.

A money poem

my name being wrong or not on the invite

if i didnt like the person

Why do you dislike being in the company of drinkers? Being around drunken piss heads maybe, but just people having a drink?

I can't think of anything that would put me off attending someones wedding, unless it was a long way away on a work night/day. My sisters wedding was a nightmare as the children out did the adults by about 4:1 but no one would have known by the invitations alone.

Oh god yes, i forgot about them. Or sticking a gift list in with the invitation.........that would put me off, although not enough to not attend the wedding.

It would take a lot to put me off TBH. I'd go to my worst enemy's wedding for a good old gawp at her frock and cake if I was invited. Only thing I can think of is it being held abroad..

Not much would put me off to be honest. One thing I don't particularly like though is when a seating plan is arranged by purposely sitting strangers next to each other with the intention that this will help people get to know each other. I would prefer be sat with my husband if we were invited as a couple rather than be split up and mixed in with strangers!

I actually prefer people to say what they would like for presents even if it's money - at least you know you will be giving them something they both want and need!

If I didn't like the B&G

If it was a destination wedding and I didn't like them enough to feel inclined to shell out for flights etc

Money poems

Fancy dress

No alcohol/music at reception-Ok, if it was someone close I wouldn't not attend, but aside from seeing the happy couple exchange vows and share in their day, I do like to dress up and enjoy a good party! (I certainly applied that mantra to my own wedding weekend)

Honestly, i don't know why people think A-Z's are a "must have", you're obviously stuggling to fill them in and trying to put so much information down just to fill a letter, then you'll run the risk of annoying people with bits of information that might inadvertently offend. Please don't do it, its not clever, its quite twee.

Beyond that, dictating a dress code would put me off. People know how to dress at a wedding and its an insult to people's intelligence to state what they can and can't wear.

i guess this depends who you're friends are! i went to a wedding a few years ago where the bride had said "just wear whatever you like" whenever she was asked about a dress code and boy did they. some people (including the bride's brother!) dressed scruffier than i do when i'm gardening/decorating ?

That is definitely a concern of H2B - we went to a wedding a while back and although we did comment on the casual dress at the time, we forgot about it until we saw the photos which to be honest were awful so we have put smart dress down....

I don't think you need to specify that you want smart dress, I think that is the norm. I think I would only put something on there about dress if you wanted something unusual.

I would be a bit insulted if I received an invite saying smart dress, as it implies that otherwise I wouldn't bother. In response to that I would probably not dress as smart as I otherwise might, as the comment would annoy me

The main things that would stop me from attending are:

• money - so things like distance, overnight accommodation, etc could be factors that might prevent me coming
• lack of childcare - so often if the children weren't invited I simply wouldn't be able to come

Just a summise on the non alcoholic wedding idea. I guess if the B&G don't drink I maybe wouldn't think it as odd but would certainly like the option of buying my own. However that could make the meal both a logistical nightmare and quite disruptive?

We ensured all guests needs were catered for with wine, water & OJ on tables as well as beer vouchers to be used at the bar and offered bubbly & Schloer for the toasts. But I can understand that for a B&G who don't drink they might think it money not well spent.

We went to a wedding where the B didn't drink and were only offered 1 v weak bucks fizz on arrival, all other drinks had to be bought from the bar, in a community centre, where the only wine was draught and warm!

I would agree with you lucylu, the only things to stop me would be if children were not invited and also distance, money etc.

As for dress code, do people put that on the invitations??? surely its common sense to dress up for a wedding, I would find it quite insulting and think that maybe ppl didnt think I dressed well enough lol.

How Bizarre.

I think one of the things that would put me off would be a big gap between day and evening with nothing to do ie if you had to vacate the venue in between.

Or if they were deciding not to feed people even though the wedding fell on a lunch time.

Or if there was some sort of event they were expecting you to take part in like irish dancing etc.

If I didn't like the B&G...

Money / Travel...

Thats about it really!

My friend did that and told me she'd put guest so I could bring someone else if we broke up before the wedding! I wouldn't mind if it was a new relationship, but I'd been with H2B (at that point he was still just my boyfriend) for four years and she'd been with her H2B less than a year and was marrying him!

We didn't put a gift list or money poem in the invites, because I wanted to invite people to come to the wedding, not invite them to buy us a gift/give us money. I figured if they wanted to give us something they would either choose it themselves or ask what we wanted. I didn't want people to think we expected gifts as we were both far more interested in them coming than by getting something from them.

Apparently you can't win though because all my family then complained that there wasn't a gift list and no one knew what to get us! We then did a gift list with Debenhams and sent it to them and they complained that it didn't have what they wanted to buy us on it.

I would be put off by being told to wear smart dress.... I would never be casual to a wedding and don't think many others would be either - especially those who would feature majorly on wedding pics as surely they would be my nearest and dearest. I also think it wouldnt be the end of the world if a few were less casual... as long as they were there, thats more important.

Not bothered by an alcohol free wedding... but would hope the day wouldnt be 12-12 as one I went to recently had really long gaps between everything and there was a limit to how many lemonades I could have (pregnant)... alcohol would have also kept me a bit warmer as the room had really cold air con!!!

The thing I find I dread the most, are the overly religious weddings... where you are frowned upon for not joining in etc. I am not religious and am not going to pretend... completely understand that everyone should get married in the ways they want, but some vicars/pastors/reverands can come across as very strict and expect everyone to be of the same standing. Went to a lovely evangelical wedding recently (was dreading as not happy clappy in the slightest!) but was impressed the pastor made it clear that people didnt have join in and could sit and listen etc if they wanted to....

The onlt things that would stop me going to a wedding i wanted to go to would be if i couldn't get there and if i couldn't get childcare for a no children wedding.

TBH i wouldn't be offended if someone gave me a dress code, gift list etc. It's their day and they want it a certain way - i'm fine with that. Maybe i just have broad shoulders.

Being told what to wear, if its a fair distance then it may be impossiable, no children (trying to find babysitters can be a nightmare), money poems.