What would you do?

Providing it was proven, I don't think I would be unreasonable about it as there is little point as there is nothing you can do about it, in that sense. What's done is done, all you can do is deal with it and come to some agreement about how access would work with the child.

Lol, I am such an immature cow. I have visions of me stamping my feet! lol

I think this really could happen, H has a daughter very complicated he hasn't seen her for a few years.. She could turn up I would have to be step mum.. I think I make a better big sister!!!?

What a good question.

I'm not sure. It would be more surreal than upsetting though, I think. What could anyone do?

I think it would depend on the circumstances - if he truly didn't know about it (e.g. they had split before the pregnancy was confirmed and not seen each other since), then it would take time but I'd get over it...if he'd been hiding it then I would go mental

I had an ex once who had fathered a child when her was 19 (was about 36 when i was with him) and they had put him up for adoption.

he wondered now and then what he was like and if he would ever come looking for him.

it didnt bother me hugely but the thing that did was if we ever had a child, it wouldnt be his first born! probably sounds silly but that was the thought that poped up at the back of my mind! it was only his parents and brother who knew about the child so everyone would assume it was his first but it felt strange!

we never did have children and split up BTW.

Pretty sure h doesnt have any mini him's out there, but who knows!

Ah yes, an entirely different proposition. I suspect for me, this would mean a quick trip down the divorce court.

Do you think it'd be a good starting point for a novel then? I have some real quiet periods at work and think I could start writing. I am not deluded enough to think I could get published because my use of language is at best pretty dire but it's a nice hobby!

Like Tray said, if he'd been hiding it from me, then that is a pretty unforgiveable offence.

If, however, it was the result of a one night stand ten years ago and he had no idea about the child, then I think I'd be upset and shocked initially, but I think I'd ultimately get over it. I'd insist on a paternity test though

I think I would be completely unreasonable but not with him, with her for keeping it from him then turning up out of the blue.

H's brother has a son who thinks his Dad is dead. I think that's horrible. He will ask questions one day and how will she explain his dad has no grave and no family?

Also, shows you how bad H's brother is that the kids mother would rather pretend he is dead than for the kid to have any knowledge of him!?

None taken. I would be thinking about him too but I would definitely be feeling sorry for myself.

Exactly this.

If he'd hidden that from me, I'd be furious and very upset. If it was as much a surprise to him as to me, then it would be difficult to get my head around (he's only ever had 2 other girlfriends before me anyway!) but I'd be halfway between worrying how H had taken the news and worrying about how the poor child was feeling having not known his/her father for x number of years.

I have 2 children from a relationship prior to H so I certainly wouldn't be in any position to judge him or get precious about it.

I think i'd handle it better than my H would TBH. As you say, there would be nothing we could do.

I often fear I am an Auntie to a child of my brothers and don't know it!

? Iv often had this conversation with my friends and H.

My first instinct would be to say i could have nothing to do with said child or H but then that is not really fair is it? So after the initial shock i would just have to make it work.

This has actually happened with my uncle. He had told his wife about it, but he had conceived this other child while MY AUNTIE WAS PREGNANT WITH THEIR 3RD!!! I can't believe she forgave him, but that's what she did. The rest of the family only found out about when the other child hit 18 and wanted to meet my uncle's 3 'legitimate' children, so we all ended up meeting them. Pretty awkward, but now the other child is treated like just another sibling. I was pretty peeved actually as this happened just before my dad died, and I had met her for about 20 seconds, then she turned up at my dad's funeral pretending to cry, because my uncle wanted all of his children with him...

God I dunno really. We've been together for 13 years (since he was 23) so to say it would be shocking would be a major understatement!!