What would you do?

This is such a tough question. I think after much debating with myself this way and that my (so far) final decision is that although your oh is a guardian of his mother's finances the finances are still his mother's. If she had an illness which would allow recovers or even one moment lucid enough to make a rational decision would she prosecute her daughter? Doubtful. So if you dont go this route can you at least have something drawn up where she loses her power of attorney and where it's agreed that if her mother died she won't inherit as she has basically taken her inheritance early without permission.

On the other hand typing that had made me think how bl@@dy disgusting it is that she had betrayed any trust put in her to care for her mother and look after finances that lets be honest your MIL maYstill need to take care of her welfare in the future. So why should she get away with stealing from a disabled member of her own family! And it sounds as though her husband had no worries abut it either. Plus she tried to keep it quiet and didn't even come to your husband to say this has happened, I need a loan of x amount, if Mum was lucid she would loan it to me so can we agree I borrow x amount?

Is the daughter in any position to repay this money. Would she even think she should. Judging by the nasty emails I'm guessing possibly not.

I don't envy your husband the decision. I don't think they should get away with what they have done and I think the only remourse will be they got caught.

Whatever he decides to do you can't beat yourselves up over any outcome from it. You were all put in a position of trust when your MIL was at her most vulnerable. She totally abused that trust.

Best of luck. X

First of all I'm sorry you have to go through this. What a horrific thing for your husband to have discovered in the first place and now having to take it to the police - I can't even image what you're all going through.

Take out the family connection to this. If you had hired someone to take care of your MIL and then discovered this would you hesitate to make a statement? I would imagine not.

I would ask her if she is able to pay the money back. If not then make the statement and let her face the consequences. If she can then I might be more lenient. But I'd make sure she has no more access to your MIL's affairs.

I might be wrong here but the police might prosecute without the statement anyway. If they've seen the bank transactions, the sister has no proof the money was given with her mother's consent and it's clear the MIL wouldn't have been in a position to authorise the payments I think they can decide it's in the public interest to proceed with the case without your husband. I live in Scotland though so I don't know if that's just up here. Or if I've just made that up haha!

This is pretty straight forward.

Your MIL is vulnerable. Your SIL and her partner took advantage of her vulnerability. It is up to your husband to provide the facts to police and it's up to the court to make a judgment.

Your SIL put herself into this position. Your husband isn't doing this to be a jerk, but to protect his mom.

Personal note - my grandmother has alzheimers. Her and my grandfather are very well off. They need every cent to provide her with quality care. That's it.

I've pondered on this a fair bit because my brother and I have power of attorney over my father. After much thought I think it's only a hard decision because it's his sister involved. As others have said if it was an outsider there would 've no hesitation. At the end of the day power of attorney isn't just to make life easier for your oh or his sister it's a legal responsibility. I think it has to be treated as such regardless of who the thief is but it's exactly that... It's theft. I think I would sadly feel I had a legal responsibility to safeguard my parent and also myself by reporting it which he has done. Then let the chips fall wherever they fall. In the meantime change passwords and encourage the sister to repay the money in the hope that it leads to leniency on the matter. Doesn't sound like her boyfriend is blameless either. The fact she took it without discussion that she needed a loan off mum leads me to suspect she hoped no-one would notice and intended theft and not a loan. But yes it's hard for your oh.

Thank you so much for all of your replies. It has really helped. We are waiting to hear back from the police regarding the statement. The police officer dealing with it said they may well be able to take it forward without a statement from us - because there is such a "paper trail" of where the money has gone. So just waiting to see whether or not they actually need my husband's statement. Fingers crossed she comes back with some good news.

The power of attorney has been transferred to a solicitor now - so that is one less thing to worry about. Just really feel for H as he's really struggling with losing his mum and now his sister. Bloody dementia!

Thanks again, and if it's OK to do so, I'll keep you updated. It really has been an incredible help to read your replies. ?

I hope he doesn't have to give a statement and it doesn't turn into family wars. Whatever comes of it it's not his doing and shouldn't feel guilty. Awful situation for you both. Would love to know where it leads and if ever you want to talk we're here for you x

So... an update: We didn't give the police a witness statement as we couldn't face taking his sister to court for a number of reasons. Mainly the stress it was putting on us as a family, and the fact that we want to focus on positive things in our lives after a couple of very stressful years.

Also, we had stopped the MIL's accounts from being accessed any further and got the POA awarded to a third party (solicitor). So - in effect we had managed to stop the crime. The police have handed all of the paperwork over to the POA solicitor and the office of the public guardian, and we have some faith in the solicitor being able to restore the MIL's finances to where they should be (which is what they have told us).

Unfortunately since then I have had the bad luck to keep bumping into my sister in law at every turn and had to contend with her and her friend blocking my path on one such encounter They gave me a lot of abuse - apparently I am a "f**king dick"!! It really shook me up and has made me quite anxious about leaving the house on foot as they don't live far from me. So, there we are.

Thank you all for your replies. You really were all a help, and if I can ever return the favour one day please shout.

Much love,
Gemstone xx

Gemstone I can't believe your SIL is treating you in that way after you DIDN'T make a statement against her.... that is absolutely outrageous- she should be thanking you for your leniency after she STOLE from her own mother.

I would strongly advise you to keep a diary of all such events noting exact time and date at the very least, though I have to say if I was you I'd be going to the police and making complaint about harassment and verbal abuse. She has no right to treat you like this, and it is an offence to do so.

What does your Husband say about it? Is he still on speaking terms with her? If so I'd be asking him to tell her to back the F*** off or face charges!

Grrrr... I am SO angry on your behalf!

Do come back and let us know how things are going and have a rant and a vent when you need to.

I agree that you would think she would keep her head down now. And to involve her friends as well? Look have obviously been told a pack of lies. You should not be afraid to venture out of your own home. If need be I agree you will have to report it you shouldn't have your life spoiled like this. Xx