What would you do? Children Dillema

I would just leave it as it is, no need to extend the evening invite to others. At least its only the evening and there wont be litte ones interrupting vows, speeches etc.

If anyone says anything at the time just say 'Oh I know! Cheek of it they just turned up with them!'

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She might not want to leave her newborn for the evening either? Or bring it with her into a noisy environment, I know I wouldnt.

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I always thought (or maybe this is just the circle of people I know) that no-kids only counted if they need food - ie doesn't count for newborns (about your friend)

You don't have to invite everyone kids at all. It's perfectly fine to have some whole families and some just the adults - people will just think you know the kids that are there better.

Honestly I would leave as it is - but if people ask or there is someone who you really really want there but can't come because of kids maybe you might have to rethink if you say anything to them

There is also nothing wrong with not counting teens as kids for the evening/reception - if someone asks you could always use that as your reasoning (you know no under 10s or whatever as an excuse if someone gets wind)

I'm confused. Are you expecting your friend to leave a newborn at home? As that's unfair. We had no children at our wedding apart from a six week old, as I'd rather my friend could attend. She just slept.

Plead ignorance!

If anyone says anything on the day - which I doubt they will - just say you had no idea they were bringing them.

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Don't worry about it. You have your own reasons for those kids to be there in the evening, and it's not anyone's place to question it. Sometimes things are just out of your control - this certainly has been.

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone but if they do ask, like someone up there says - plead ignorance. Or just say "I know - OH told them it was OK. Twonk" and move swiftly on.

These things happen - when a friend of mine got married she was absolutely militant about having no children at all, to the extent that she fell out with a few of her family over it as she wasn't prepared to budge at all, but then on the day a work colleague turned up with her baby and just went and sat in the church - when I asked the bride later about it she just said 'well what could I do?'

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I would leave it as it is BUT if you do want your friend with the newborn there, if it was me I'd tell her she could bring baby. There would be no extra cost and a babe in arms is almost no trouble, whereas I'm 100% with you on not wanting children causing havoc! If the baby cries in the ceremony, the mum will probably just take it out.

But what I'm saying is, anyone with a newborn is automatically not going to come! Either they're too little to be left or potentially breast feeding. You know already they aren't going to come before you even invite them! I certainly wouldn't have left my newborn baby, especially if it meant travelling for the weekend (as often the case with a wedding).

It does seem a bit strange, especially when they aren't going to take a place, need food or cost you anything. I guess these friends don't mean as much to you.

We left our son at four months to go to a wedding for the day (it was only up the road and he was with my Mum), but it was our choice. He was bigger and although I had a wobble he was fine, but I would never have made a blanket ban and told our friends they couldn't bring their six week old as I knew they wouldn't have come. Yes she was the only baby, no-one else minded.

Although I'm fully for a no children wedding, like I said we had one ourselves, I do think banning babes in arms who are young enough to just feed and sleep is unfair. I think it's a bit extreme, and as you said you knew your friend would say no. Like I said before, I would rather my friend bring their six week old then not come at all. Where as you don't seem to mind that this rule means that they can't make it regardless.

ETA: I meant to add, I would never expect someone with a newborn to get a babysitter, they won't want to and why should they? I'm not sure what I'm saying makes sense. I remember reading a thread once from someone who wouldn't let their sister bring their newborn. Which meant her sister couldn't go to the wedding. I thought that was terrible.

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Quite right too.

I guess you're not bothered about them coming then.

Its very hard, but i believe you have to stick to your guns.

We have decided no children at all, it is just not something we want. We have many friends with children who are fine with this and they have accepted it, my problem is that my maid of honour (my cousin) who is closer than my sisters has more or less said she will not come if her 'boys' can't come, this has upset me so much.

It turns out it seems to be her other half that has the issue with it more than her, even tho she woudl love to have a weekend away just the two of them, he has refused to come to the wedding at all if the boys are not there.

i refuse to be emotionally blackmailed, i am standing to my original decision of no children, and tho i will be devastated if she cannot attend i think that it is a decision that is out of my hands, if she wants to be there she will find a way.

i honestly believe that on this day you have a right to have it how you want it, if other people don't like it then it is there problem. I realise i sound like a total *** but its the brides (and grooms) perogative to make these decisions.

Ultimately its cost as much as the thought of having kids runnign round !

Hope you sort it out and you are happy with your decision hun

xx