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hannioli
Beginner April 2012

What would you think...?

hannioli, 6 October, 2011 at 14:22 Posted on Planning 0 20

A bit of background.

About a month ago, h2b's family came over to visit our new house, h2b's mum told me that his sister and husband were trying for another baby, but that I shouldn't mention it to h2b as they didn't want anyone to know...of course, I told h2b, we don't have secrets.

A couple of weeks ago they came around again, h2b's mum pulled me aside again and told me that his sister had gotten a letter from the doctor for her 12 week scan in mid October...which leaves the the due date more or less on our wedding day. Once again, she told me not to tell h2b as apparently his brother in law didn't want anyone to know until the scan...yes, again, I told him.

Speaking to h2b about one of his friends today, who has set his wedding date as the day after ours, which annoyed him. I to be honest am not fussed as we only have one overlapping friend with this guy and he would have been invited to the evening, so I didn't think it'd affect us. I told h2b as much and that I was more annoyed at his sister than the friend (though to be honest I'm not really annoyed). H2b came back saying that his mum had finally told him about the pregnancy and that apparently it was just unfortunate, they had been trying for a baby before we announced our date, stopped when they found out, but it was too late by then.

Ok...so, we told people our date back around the beginning of May...with h2b's sister being 3 months in mid Oct, that means conception was around mid July ?

The whole thing's just a bit weird to me, and needed to get it out a bit! What would you think about this situation? (edit - by the situation, I mean h2b's mum, not the baby bit, I'm excited about that for them!)

I was going to ask h2b's sister to be a bridesmaid, probably still will. (edit - should I wait until she's had her scan to ask, at which point they'll most likely have announced the baby and might feel more comfortable about saying yes/no?)

20 replies

Latest activity by LoveSka, 6 October, 2011 at 22:42
  • ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown
    Beginner January 2012
    ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown ·
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    Um, I'm confused by your post as I'm not sure if you're annoyed or not.

    I'd think "Brilliant, I'm so pleased for my soon-to-be sister and boy".

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  • hannioli
    Beginner April 2012
    hannioli ·
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    I am pleased for them, not really annoyed, more confused h2b's mums actions at first, but then the need to justify the pregnancy, but it doesn't add up...

    Guess it's just weirding me out a little.

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  • KatalinaNastyCough
    Beginner November 2011
    KatalinaNastyCough ·
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    Honestly???

    Why should your S&BIL stop trying to conceive a baby just on the off chance they maybe due around your wedding date??

    I'm sorry but your wedding isn't the most important thing in the world to anyone except you and H2B, you can't expect everyone to put their life on hold just for you.

    Chances are even if her due date is your wedding day she won't go into labour that day, only 5% of babies are born on their due date, so baby will either already be here or remaining nice and snug until after the wedding.

    I think you should just congratulate them, be happy for them and just move on.

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  • Mrs_imp
    Beginner June 2012
    Mrs_imp ·
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    I think you are perhaps reading too much into it?

    I would just be happy for them and be happy that you will soon be an auntie!

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  • ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown
    Beginner January 2012
    ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown ·
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    I suspect she's being nice, trying to make it seem like they were considerate of your wedding dates. Obviously, they weren't, but I think that it's acceptable in this instance.

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  • Ali_G
    Beginner October 2012
    Ali_G ·
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    Honestly? I think you're being a bit selfish. Having children is the most natural thing a woman can do, and to be told (although you're not strictly telling her) you can't/shouldn't is pretty wrong.

    If my best friend/sister fell pregnant 9 months before my wedding I'd be happy for her. I assume you're upset because, if the baby is born close to your wedding, there's a possibility they wont be able to attend? I can understand that but it's just the way the cookie crumbles. If they want to be there (which I'm sure they do) then they'll make sure they're there - she just might be covered in baby spew for most of the day.

    As for her being a bridesmaid, she still can. Just ask her if she wants to. Does it matter if she isnt though? It's less expense for you.

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  • Ali_G
    Beginner October 2012
    Ali_G ·
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    Is this an actual fact? If so, wooohooooo to me being in the 5%!!! Smiley laugh

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  • judeclarke
    Beginner October 2011
    judeclarke ·
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    People have babies - whether it's convenient for anyone else or not.

    If my friend/sister/SIL said she was expecting and was due just about on my wedding day I'd be pleased for her. I wouldn't ask her to be BM though, maybe a reading if she's up to it.

    Nobody needs to justify anything, I think you MIL2B may have beena bit embarrassed about the dates, and privately wondering how she's going to choose between a new grandchild and her son's wedding if they happen on the same day.

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  • KatalinaNastyCough
    Beginner November 2011
    KatalinaNastyCough ·
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    Yes it is, can't remember the source though, i had a lot of reading time after my daughter's due date came and went, I had to wait an extra 15 days!

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  • hannioli
    Beginner April 2012
    hannioli ·
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    As I said earlier, I'm happy for them and don't mind at all that they will be due around wedding date, I'm actually very excited about the prospect of them having another baby. It'll be a shame if they won't be there, but that's it on that side on things.

    I think you've got Pixee, h2b's mum was just weirding me out with how she was going about things.

    With the asking h2b's sister to be a bridesmaid, I'm unsure as I don't want to put her in an awkward position of feeling like she should say yes if she'd rather not at that stage, especially as they haven't told us about the pregnancy yet. Do you think I should ask her this week like I had planned on doing, or wait until she's had her scan and told us...?

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  • tizmelou
    Beginner September 2012
    tizmelou ·
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    Deffo just over analysing everything - but its easy done. I'd just ask her like you planned then when she announces the baby just say are you still happy to be bridesmaid i'd love ytou to but appreciate you might not feel like it at the time!

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  • Nenas
    Beginner March 2012
    Nenas ·
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    I would wait until after she's told you about the baby. If you ask her before then, you may be putting her in an awkward situation as she might feel that she has to say yes, as saying no would raise too many questions. If she did say yes and then decided afterwards that she didn't want to, then that's an awkward conversation for her to have with you, so would make her feel uncomfortable again.

    I would wait until after she's told you and then you can have a nice conversation with her and say that while you'd love her to be a bridesmaid, you understand if she doesn't want to and it's up to her to decide and just let you know when she;s thought abut it.

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  • Mrs_imp
    Beginner June 2012
    Mrs_imp ·
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    Hmm, I would wait until she has told you. I think that chocolate_e is right that it will probably put her in a difficult position, if you ask her afterwards you can at least have an honest conversation with her about it.

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  • hannioli
    Beginner April 2012
    hannioli ·
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    Thanks for the replies ladies, apologies to those that I appear to have offended by being mistaken to be anti-baby...I can assure you that I'm not.

    I've now taken a step back and have just accepted that h2b's family go about telling each other things in a different way to how my family would. Definitely thinking that h2b's mum was trying to break it to us gently...even though we're both excited by the prospect of having a new neice or nephew!

    I think I'll take the advice and leave it until after her scan to ask her, it's less than a couple of weeks now anyway.

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  • hannioli
    Beginner April 2012
    hannioli ·
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    I didn't expect them to put their lives on hold just for us, if they carried on or stopped was totally up to them. I was miffed by the way mil2b was acting, by pulling me aside, being secretive to her son, then feeling the need to justify it him when she did tell him, especially as she knows how much we adore our current neice and my excitement when she told me they were trying initially. I can see now that I was over analysing that though.

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  • jen_84
    Beginner August 2012
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    Just to stick up for Hannioli a little bit - I don't think she ever said she was annoyed about them having the baby - she even said she was excited for them! I think it was more about the MIL2B being a little wierd over dates (which may just be a bit of confusion on her part) and just whether she should still ask her SIL2B to be BM without piling perhaps unwanted pressure on her. On this point, I think you should just talk about it with her, once she has announced the pregnancy. Explain that you would love her to be BM but you realise that she has other things going on and you don't want to put pressure on her and let her go away and think about it. That way, the choice is hers.

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  • Michelle772012
    Beginner July 2012
    Michelle772012 ·
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    Tbh if she is due on or near your wedding day i personally wouldnt ask(my opinion only) she will have so many things going on herself it would prob be nicer for her to if she can attend and enjoy the day as a guest or she may not be able to come at all depending on the birth etc i know the last thing i would want to do (my daughter is 6 months) is if i had my baby say 1 month before worry about fitting into a dress the whole body changes some snap back into shape some like me dont and she would want to help you and be there for you but might not want to leave her baby for all the things that may crop up when you find out her due date from her make a decision then, pressure on an expectant mum can turn us all in wrecks forget bridezilla meet mumzilla lol xx

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  • KatalinaNastyCough
    Beginner November 2011
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    When it was first posted she didn't say she was excited for them and the fact she questions the dates led me to believe she was annoyed about the timings of the baby.

    OP - now you've explained I can understand how you found the secrecy a bit odd, but in your original post it did sound that the baby itself was more the issue! Hence why, although not offended, I didn't really agree with the principle that everyone else's life needs to go on hold. Which seems to be a common misconception on this board.

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  • jen_84
    Beginner August 2012
    jen_84 ·
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    This was on her first post. If it was edited on later, then I apologise but this was how I read it.

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  • LoveSka
    Beginner October 2011
    LoveSka ·
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    WSS, , , ,

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