What would you think / would you be annoyed?

I forgot to add:

They are also getting married on my birthday. This to me is not a problem at all.

But - H2B had booked a week away for us for my birthday so this has had to be postponed.

In addition to this, the wedding we are going to is abroad and costing us well over £1500 just for flights and accomodation to be there.

As this has not been factored in when we started planning this will be a large chunk of money out of our own wedding budget, so things are starting to feel fraught in that way.

Not only that, but I have been told not to expect them to come to our wedding next year as they are hoping to be pregnant

I wouldn't be mad about another family member getting engaged after me & setting the date quickly like that but I would sure as hell make sure that their wedding doesn't eclipse mine! Once your brother is married everyone will naturally focus on your wedding as the next big family event & as your wedding is after theirs you'll be able to make sure yours is better & flasher than your brothers! ?

Ok, now this I would be cross about! Time to have a chat with your parents me thinks.

Hi moonpie1985

Something verrry similar has happened to me!

I got engaged in April and am planning a September 2012 wedding. I'm a Hindu and my fiancé is English so we're having a small Hindu blessing a week before. H2B's brother got engaged a couple of months after us, which is fantastic news. However, they've now said they won't be coming to the Hindu ceremony (which means a great deal to us both) as it's too expensive to attend both ceremonies. I can understand that - but I understand they are thinking about a stag do abroad AND are planning to get married on a very expensive Greek island! I don't want to cause a massive rift in my H2B's family - but I am quite upset about their attitude.

I'm not sure how you feel, but I don't want to be seen as the evil sister in law so I have left it to H2B to deal with - our wedding will be amazing regardless and those who don't come (for whatever reason) are missing out!

Why would this stop them from coming to the wedding? do they have to fly to get there?

I wouldn't go to their wedding - the cost is pretty steep at 5 months notice. I'd not be bothered about the timing, just the cost. And pregnant (4-5 months) is not an excuse to skip a wedding - sorry, thats just pathetic (I might excuse 8-9 months though).

To be honest when I first read your post I thought mmm annoying that they wont listen about your wedding too, but ok they are excited so wouldnt be annoyed.

But then planning an abroad wedding which is going to cost you £1500 as your planning and paying for your wedding!!!! I'd be pretty peeved and we wouldnt go. Not because of being annoyed but we would not have been able to afford £1500. Every penny we had spare we saved for our wedding. And also I wouldnt be that bothered about going when they have already told you they wont be going to yours, I mean wtf?!!!!!!!

My OH proposed about 2 months after his brother got engaged and it never crossed my mind it would be offensive to them. They got married 9 months before us, we couldn't go as it was abroad. We got married 9 weeks ago and whenever the wedding conversation is brought up, OH's brother just talks about how he wouldn't want what we had and how much money we wasted on one day etc which pees me off slightly.

I wonder if your brother in law is a bit upset that his brother couldnt make the wedding, and his way of dealing with it is to make these little digs????

To behonest if my sister had told me she couldnt come to our wedding I would have been pretty annoyed and very upset.

Since when would being pregnant stop you from going to a wedding?! (assuming it's not abroad!) She'll still be out shopping all day for prams and baby clothes so what's wrong with sitting for most of the day at somebody's wedding?! It wouldn't stop your BIL from coming too would it?

We have friends who can't come to ours abroad because they have their own wedding to pay for. We distinctly told them that they shouldn't come if it means them having to sacrifice something for their own wedding day - it was our decision to go abroad they shouldn't have to feel as though their day is going to be perfect because of the cost of going to someone elses.

Suppose only you guyscan decide what means more to you...?

Even if you had essentially forced her to pay a huge amount to attend, by dint of choosing an overseas wedding?!?

I guess it depends if when I got engaged I (hypothetically) told everyone about getting married abroad and I thought she was coming then she says she cant afford it because now shes getting married, yep id be peeved.

(Not sure if that makes sense )

But we didnt get married abroad for that very reason we wanted all our family with us to celebrate and nevr even thought about being abroad, I was kinda trying to think why her bil might be having a few digs at them, iykwim. No offence intended

My impression is that this is the other way around (Moonpie?). Moonpie has set a date in the future. Brother then announces he is getting married before this date and doing so abroad. Moonpie cannot afford to go to an overseas wedding when she has her own to fund later on.

Ahhhh sorry not made myself clear I was quoting another girl and answering her quote not the original poster. I think Ive managed to confuse the post sorry guys

I think we've both done enough here

You could be right

Said to the original poster I htink she is right when ou are planning your wedding then a family member suddenly books theirs ahead of yours and expects you to pay alot to go, its not fair and I know we couldnt have afforded it when we were planning our wedding.

Course she can goto the wedding if she is preg! I went to a good friends wedding on my due date! I even got up and had a few dances, ok i left after 4 hours ish but i was knackered! And when we get married she will be due, and she has already said she will be attending!

I think what there doing is exceptionally rude! x