That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.
...But Romeo and Juliet died in the end, so what the heck did they know? I think there is a lot in a name, which is why I'm having a major dilemma about mine. My surname is my identity, I have come to love it and so I am already mourning the loss of it when I get married. I know there are other options, like keeping my maiden name (but I do really want to take my partners too), or getting a double-barrelled combination of both (which is the better solution, but I didn't know it would need a deed poll). I am dithering and would be grateful for your opinions:
1) Double-barrelled name:
PROS
*My name is part of my identity and I don't want to lose it.
*I am a feminist, and part of me resents phallocentric traditions.
*This way I could switch between the two and they would be both legally my name.
CONS
*I will have to apply for a deed-poll, and I don't know when to do this (before, on, or after the wedding), and as it's not as common I worry about the administrative complications - I don't want to start something I'll regret. I'm a fan of convenience, and even my boycott of Starbucks sometimes lapses when I'm doing my food shopping at the Sainsbury's with a 'Bucks attached... :s
2) Taking his name and using my maiden name for work still:
PROS
*I am lead to believe I can do this - I am an English teacher, so my students would still call me by my maiden name.
*I like his name and love his family - they are a family that I idolise in many ways and are more unified than mine, so this is something I aspire to and would be proud to be officially a part of.
*Although I am a feminist and hate phallocentric traditions, I am a big fan of traditions in general. They make life familiar and choices easier (often). Also, by keeping my maiden name I am only essentially keeping my father's father's father's name. Actually that's a lie - My grandfather's surname was Jewish, so he changed it in the war and chose, not his wife's maiden name, which would have been the obvious, thoughtful thing to do, but the surname of an admiral who he'd never met. This is my surname - something my grandfather chose from a guy in the army. So in effect my current surname itself is not particularly femin-ethic. And my father has very little to do with me too. Nevertheless, it's MY name, so I do still like it.
CONS
*The only thing that's concerning me is if I need to officially change it at work because I will change my bank details (I guess...) - it's on my work email and pigeon hole, etc and I wouldn't want them to change. Or perhaps I just don't tell my bank about my married name? But we'll be applying for a mortgage soon after the wedding and I don't know if this will complicate that.
I guess I probably need to do more research and/or speak to human resources at work. Are any of you having similar dilemmas? Any advice? Anything I've said that's a load of rubbish?
PS, my Year 11s have done their first GCSE English exam today and I'm all emosh, it's like my chicks are flying the nest, so please don't have a go at my complete over-thinking of these things (after all, what's in a name?), or I might just cry :'(