What's in a name?

I was all for changing my name, and we even discussed me changing my name by deed poll a few years back but OH said no because he wanted to marry me rather than me just change my name.

I don't have any attachment to my name,I don't massively get on with my dad and only have my current name because my mum changed it to the name of her ex husband (when they were married) and I got picked on for it so I changed it when they split up.

But now it's happening it's so strange. My new name won't flow in the same way so my signature will 100℅ change. It's really odd to think I'll just have a new name.

I am changing it, OH cares more about me changing my name than I care about keeping it. But I've had this name my whole adult life. And then it will be gone. It's hard to imagine.

I'm changing my name.

I hate my current surname. It's not even a proper surname - my parents made it up because they didn't like each other's surnames! My parents are now divorced, my mum has remarried and I don't speak to my dad.

My brother has passed on the surname to his daughters, so it lives on in them (for a while).

H2B, however, is an only child. I would very much like to be a part of keeping his surname going (even though it's popular). It's going to be weird, but I've committed to the change by booking the Honeymoon in my future name haha I plan to change my passport before the Wedding and travel as a newlywed

There just seems something so... nice about becoming a Mrs Someone

I'm changing my name. I'm one of two daughters and I considered keeping the family name going but I have two male cousins so I'm not that bothered.

My daughter is also taking his name and I want us to do that together - to become the B clan on the same day.

I did consider hyphenating my name but it made us sound like a housing estate so I'm not doing it!

It's a personal choice but for me I preferred my new name and that's why I took it!

When I got married the first time I was all up for changing my name as it was a sign I was married, and I was 'grown up' lol. I was quite happy to lose my maiden name as I always had to spell it and it was always getting pronounced wrong.

When I got divorced I didn't want to go back to it as I'd got used to the married name and couldn't be bothered changing it all, plus it was the same as my kids, but I did start to miss the maiden name and adopted it as a middle name.

This time round I will again take my hubby's name as I see it as a new start as a couple together. The children have asked about their surname, and I've said it's up to them if they want to change it too, or stay with their 'dad's' name. And I say the term very loosely as he ran away after dragging me through court for custody and hasn't bothered seeing them in over 3 years. My son even called him by his name rather than dad the other day.

But I'm sure I wills till have my maiden name as a middle name, even if it will be a right mouthful all together lol, as it's still part of me, and as I'm one of 3 girls our branch of dad's name died out with him as we're all married now. being a bit of a family history buff I'd like to keep it going a bit longer and am proud to own it and be part of the line way back to 1066.

I am keen to go double-barrelled as I feel quite strongly that my name is part of my identity, but also feel strongly that I love my OH and want to take his name, so for me double-barrelling is the compromise. However...OH feels strongly about keeping his name, and his name only. He has said I can double barrel mine if I want, but he is adamant he is not changing his name. My problem with that is, one day when we have kids, I won't share their name (OH also refuses for any future kids to be double barrelled either!). I'm stuck in a similar dilemma to you - sorry I know that doesn't help you much, but it is comforting to know I'm not the only one having this debate!

I'm so glad i'm not the only one who feels sad about changing their name. My current surname means a lot to me as my dad passed away and i see it as the only thing i have left of him. It doesn't help matters when i will be changing to one of the most common surnames of all time but part of me still loves it anyway because my h2b out of every woman he could of had he chose me as 'the one' and wanted to share his last name with me which makes me feel honoured - that sounds so corny ? I too and fro in my mind all the time about all the options but personally for me i think ultimately i will change my name even if it does make me feel sad. Plus my h2b doesn't seem too thrilled if i ever say i might not lose my current surname and double barrel it etc even though he totally understands my reasons. I think it's lovely your h2b is even saying he would double barrel his last name for you and being so supportive. In the end you will get there and you will do what feels right for you x

I'm going to change my name. I will be sad to lose my surname as I like it but I double barrelled my name when I was married before and it was a pain in the backside. I constantly had to spell it out for people and there were several companies such as gas/elec suppliers that I had problems with online accounts which wouldn't recognise the hyphen and then I would get people call me only by half of it... And also took longer to fill out on forms. It was just a pain and I can't be bothered to do it all again.

I've double barrelled. We've been married 3 weeks and OH still hasn't decided what he's doing haha!

For me, my surname is a part of who I am that I didn't want to change. It's very uncommon, people also call me by my surname (or variations of it) sometimes and I just love being a *maiden name*. There was no way I was ever giving it up, but I still wanted to acknowledge in my name that I am OH's wife.
We aren't planning to have children but if we change our minds, I'm not sure what I'd feel. I think I'd like to pass my name on if I could.

I keep going back and forth with this. I love my OH's name, and if I take it I will have a very romantic soudnjng full name, seriously I could be a mills and boon author. But I am very attached to my Maiden name, it's the same as my dad's and I'm a big daddy's girl. A lot of my friends call me by my surname, even though I'd rather they didn't. They've already joked my new name will be Mrs Maiden name, new name. I don't know I think I will take my OH's name as its the done thing, but i will be sad to see my Maiden name go xx

My H took my surname. I feel very emotionally attached to my name whereas he hasn't seen his dad since he was five and felt no connection to his name. It was his idea and was a decision we're both extremely happy with.

I'm going to change my name. I'm strangely really looking forward to it!

I don't have a huge emotional attachment to my surname, even though it'll die out in our family line when we marry as my sister is already married & took her husband's name, but it's a very common name so it'll always be around! ? I thought briefly about double-barrelling but it would be ridiculously long & sound silly. OH has said he'd be OK with me keeping my name but secretly judging by a few things he's said, he is looking forward to me being an A...

We're having a UK minimoon I think in June straight after the wedding, & then my current passport expires in the August so I'll change it in time for our honeymoon later in the year. I can't wait to be a Mrs!

I debated this for a long time - feel like it's part of my identity, don't see why it has to be me changing when OH definitely isn't going to etc. I always thought I wouldn't change it but as soon as we got engaged it started to feel weirdly like I was holding something back, which I didn't like.

Then I decided to take some inspiration from my nan. She's been married three times and has had a whole host of different names and it has not diminished her identity in the slightest. She's still a badass lady! (I'm not planning to get married as many times as her though!) So i'm just going to go with the flow and not worry about the identity thing. I have a brother and a whole raft of cousins to keep the family name going!

My thoughts pretty much echo Chapples. The strangest part for me will be changing my name at work. I'm a teacher, so my surname is almost more of my name than my first! But I'm just excited to start our journey together and sharing a surname symbolises that.

Whatever you decide, just make sure people know what your official name will be. My future SiL had an issue when she double barrelled hers because some (mostly older) relatives had presumed she was taking her OH's surname and written cheques as gifts with that surname!

I was all up for changing my name as I see it as traditional, and it was another way to show I was married

I didn't like the thought of going double barrelled - it's all just a bit too 'posh' for me. A daft concept, but one I can't shake, so it would've been weird to go ahead with it.

The only time I'll really factor in my new name is when I get post - not very often people call you by both names

I wanted to double barrel my maiden name and married name. OH made it perfectly clear that he did NOT like this idea. Apparently, he would find it embarrassing that I wouldn't take his name and he thinks that everyone will question it. I love my maiden name, even if no one can pronounce it or spell it (it's a long running joke). It goes perfectly with my first name and I have no brothers to carry it on.

OH kept going on about what we would call our children if we had them. I said I would be happy for them to have his name and I would have the double-barrelled name, but then he said he thought that we should all have the same name.

OH's surname is probably the most common surname in the country and it doesn't sound great with my first name.

I have begrudgingly agreed to change it but I will keep my maiden name for work, which is where I spend most of my time and where I write and say it a lot in the course of a day. OH made me laugh as he said, "oh so you'll have a double-barrelled name for work then?" I said "nope! Just the maiden name as you said double-barrelled was silly!".

I am entitled to two passports (Irish parents but British born). I plan on having the Irish passport in my maiden name and the British passport in my married name. That way, I have the best of both worlds.

I am changing my name, but with some trepidation.... my maiden name means nothing to me, it is my long-dead and worse than useless fathers name, it's not common, is spelt differently from the way it sounds and I've had to spell it about a billion times and people STILL get it wrong! I often joked when I was younger that the only good reason to get married was to get rid of the old soak's name!

I never thought I'd get married, so never really thought about it much more than that- then I met my OH, and now I am getting married, and will be changing my name to his, despite the fact that my first name and his last name share the first three letters and every time someone asks 'oh, what will your name be?' and I reply 'Claire Cla**' they fall about laughing and make fun of it ☹️

Thank you so much for all your replies so far!! It has been really reassuring to see that I am not the only one who is torn about changing my name and also really interesting to hear your different decisions and why you have made these decisions .

Thanks to LauraLtobe for the advice regarding having cheques made out to the wrong name - hadn't even thought of that!

Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts regarding your married names.

No they will not, unless the people you know are idiots. Nobody questioned my husband taking my name. He had to make a Facebook post announcing the change (otherwise people would suddenly wonder who this apparent stranger in their newsfeed was) and he got only positive comments from friends and colleagues. Since then everyone he's had to tell has been fine with it. Anyone questioning someone double-barrelling upon marriage is stuck in the 1940s, and you should tell them that. Your decision is not their business anyway - that's how feminism works.

My mom has a double-barrelled surname, and my father kept his surname. Me and my siblings have my father's surname. I never heard anybody except one of my English teachers mention it. I didn't really think about it until I was an adult.

I kept my surname. My husband doesn't care either way.

I agree with you Inked Doll. I think he is making it into a bigger issue than it really is. He also knows a lot of idiots! X

I'm going to take H2B's surname. It'll take some getting used to, as it's quite long, and one of the rarest names possible - I think there are only four people in the country with that name, all his family. Whereas I currently have a very common one syllable surname.

H2B is very pleased I'm taking his name - he really wanted me to do it, but he also feels a bit guilty about me losing my name. We can't really double-barrel - our names are so different, it just doesn't flow. So he's suggested that we both take my current surname as a middle name. I like that he cares enough to suggest that, and to take the name on himself, but I already have two middle names, so adding a third and then his long surname on the end would leave me with a huge name! It's also a bit tricky to do, as most places accept a marriage certificate to change a surname, but to add a middle name I think we'd need a deed poll. That's all a very long winded way of saying we haven't decided yet!

I am torn. When I married the first time, I took my (now ex) husband's surname, and it was a real hassle getting everything changed. Then, when I got divorced, the only way a lot of official organisations would accept me reverting to my maiden name was if I changed it by Deed Poll, which caused even more hassle. I really don't know if I can be bothered to go through the whole palaver of changing it again - not to mention, my Passport doesn't expire for nearly 10 years so I'd have to either pay to change it separately again or remember to book all of my holidays in my maiden name for the next decade!

The thing that clinched it for me was when my friend realised what my full name will be if I take OH's surname and just burst out laughing. It's alliterative, and makes me sound like a character from a children's story. It's kind of nice that my new name would make people laugh, but also really irritating.

So, I'm torn between keeping my maiden name or double-barrelling.

I'm keeping my name. I like it and have achieved everything in my 36 years with this name. I'd never berate anyone's choice what to do with their own name, but to me changing my name is an echo of a time when a woman was owned by one man and marriage was her transfer of ownership to another man. We have no children and won't be having any in the future, we're already a family with two names.

So pleased to see this thread. I'm also in exactly the same boat as to double-barrel or not. H2B is supportive of both, but the question of what name do the hypothetical kids have, and how will people refer to us (Mr & Mrs his name, my double barrelled surname etc.......??) have always been in my mind.

We have been together for a very long time now, and like one of the previous posters has said (so sorry, I can't seem to look back to see who this was), I have achieved everything in my maiden name, it's my identity, so I'm keen to keep that. The main thing driving it is that I just like the way my forename sounds with the double barrelled surname over taking solely my H2B's surname.

At this rate, I'm not going to have made up my mind on the name thing even at the alter!! Does anyone know how soon you have to change your name once you are actually married? Like, is there some thinking time available!?! ;-)

My friend lost her father when she was fairly young and didn't want to give up his name. She double barrelled and her husband did too so they both had both names. As did their daughter.

For me I think it's just laziness lol. I already have grown kids so don't have the issue of what name will we give the kids. People assumed we were married anyway so we both answer to Mr and Ms my name or Mr and Mrs his name. Most people now call me Mrs his name but I've done nothing. I'm still Mrs my name (well ex husband's!)

I don't care. Husband doesn't care. Ex husband isn't local and we have no contact so he or his family wouldn't know. I suppose there is an element of I've been that name a long time (much longer than I was with the x) and it's how people know me. Plus it relates to my nickname which people would still call me. In fact husband still does. So 7 months after we married I think we can safely say I'm not bothering. If it bothered husband I would but that's not the case.

Everyone should do what they think is right for them. So many choices now but there isn't a right or wrong just whatever you're happiest doing.

We have finally decided what we are going to do thanks to all your posts on here and asking friends and families on the reasoning behind their name changes.

One friend said something which stuck out for both me and h2b and something that has stayed with us, she said that she and her h2b would be double barreling their names because: 'there is something symbolic and romantic about the idea of putting two names together - it is like the coming together of two people with a new joint identity rather than the wife just taking on the husband's identity.'

It has been so interesting hearing everyone's thoughts and name changes will work differently for everyone, however this is what feels right for us and h2b in particular is very keen for us to take on this new combination of names together, so we will be starting our married life with a new double barreled name to represent our new identity as a married couple .

Has anyone else who was undecided managed to come to a decision? xx

I think that's lovely Galbear. Beautiful words from your friend!

A new double barrelled name together sounds like a good solution.

Regarding my own name, I feel I don't particularly care either way! I like my current name but I'm not overly attached to it (my identity is more than just a name!), it is fairly common but also requires spelling as there are different ways of spelling it. My H2B's name is not so common and definitely requires spelling out to people.

I will take his name and the main reason is because I like the idea of having the same surname, it makes it feel like we're a unit (even though I know we are already a unit anyway) and I would want to have the same surname as our kids in the future. If my maiden name was particularly special to me, I'd keep it as a sort of middle name and then I'd have the choice of either using it as a middle name or effectively having a double barrelled name without a hyphen.

The real decision I have to make is whether to change my name at work. I regularly have to provide my name to customers etc at work and I don't really like the idea of providing my married name as the combination of first and surname seem to be fairly uncommon and I think it'd be pretty easy to find me on Facebook especially if you had a vague idea of my location. Whereas my current name is too common for anyone to have much luck finding me with it. Someone else once had customers trying to add her on Facebook and send messages of complaint and, while this was a very rare and unusual incident, it's stuck in my head and makes me think I should just keep my maiden name at work and fly under the radar and use my new married name everywhere else.

I am going to take my oh surname as we already have children and they have got his name, but as my maiden name can also be a first name I'm going to keep at as an extra middle name

I love my last name, it fits well with my first name and everyone knows how to spell it.

My H2B's last name is extremley odd and everyone always pronounces it wrong and spells it wrong too!!!

However, I am so proud to be becoming his wife, I would find it weird NOT to take his name.

Call me old fashioned but I really want to ... well ... rbecome more of a part of him i suppose?!

Please dont think I have anything against thoose who are confused about changing their name or who are keeping their own names ? You're all lovely! and everyone has their own preferences and its a modern thing to do nowadays!

Maybe Im just odd? - But its hardly even crossed my mind! I will be so proud have his weird last name ?

When i got married first time i took his name, even though i have to say it then spell it for the past 13 years. I did want to double barrel and it would have sounded nice too but he was not keen!! (should have been a sign!)

i toyed with changing back to maiden name when we divorced but took too long then got engaged and it seemed pointless as i want my OH name i cant wait to be Mrs..... i want a t shirt for the day after wedding with it on hahaha

i cant wait now to get rid of my exes surname

i am however a nurse and known as Sister......... when i change that my patients will be very confused they will think they have a new nurse, only a few of the regulars know im getting married ( i dont have an engagement ring)

my only downside to it all is that my daughter will have a different name to me, not a massive issue i know but will be very strange

I've got dual nationality as my parents are Irish but I was born in the UK. I have decided to get an Irish passport in my maiden name and then reapply for my UK passport after we get married in my married name. This makes me feel happier as my maiden name is Irish and I'll have my Irish passport for that and my married name is very English so I will have a passport for that too. This feels like I can keep my maiden name "officially" in some sense as well as keeping it for work X