Whats your answer?

Frankly I would meet rudeness with rudeness, and tell people to mind their own fecking business.

It really depends, rudeness aside then, on what you want to say - can you just say a firm 'I would rather not discuss it' or similar?

L
xx

My usual response is, 'We dont want any children and we wont be changing our minds on the decision' end of. However Im not sensitive to it any more and dont know if I could have children or not, and certainly do not want any. ( Im 36 next month and Im not chaging my mind!) xx

I think I would go with a shrug and a "With situations being as they are at the min, who knows?" type answer, then let people read into that as little or as much as they like. I would probably soften the blow with a "but don't worry, if and when it does happen, we'll let you know!" type comment.

I'm with Lois, I'd tell them to mind their own!

Mmmm, personally I am very blunt so I'd tell them the truth but I can see why you wouldn't want to.

It's sooo rude. I want to use the bangy head!

I know I should just tell them to mind their own but when they are all there looking at me (and that silence has fallen over the room) I just chicken out, even H just looks at me like it's all down to me. I think I might have to make him wing man as the question really doesn't bother him.

I know they aren't meaning to be rude and we aren't even trying yet so I shouldn't be that bothered but atm I just am

I would say 'Due to personal issues, that's a very touchy subject, thank you for asking' (with an air of sarcasm on the 'thank you for asking' bit of it to embarrass them) - otherwise people will never learn that sometimes it's just not appropriate to ask these questions!

I feel your pain, all and sundry want to know what my womb is up to and I'm sick & tired of batting my MiL away with her questions and heavy "hints" on Grandchildren. I just say "We'll tell you if there is any news" or words to that effect (politely) and change the subject. I think getting angry/upset/defensive about it can make it worse and draw attention but perhaps I'm just laidback. This approach has helped me a bit though, now the MiL has directed all her questioning to MrCrookshanks who does get riled up, so she prods him even more. I keep telling him to tell her as little as possible then change the subject. So far he's failed.

Ps ? x

It's not something I'm prepared to be honest with anyone about, even on here, none of your business replies are sounding more appealling my the minute.

I don't think there is a need to hide the fact that you're offended by someone's question,skittalie ?. In fact, you possibly need to make the point that questions are absolutely not welcome

L
xx

I used to get the same question all the time. I just say I don't want kids and the world isn't exactly a great place at the moment to bring them into, no jobs, no money, blah, blah, blah. I'm 35 this year and have never wanted any. Hubby keeps dropping hints like when we are going to start a family and I just ignore him. I told him at the outset I didn't want children. I just want to enjoy myself and spend my money on me. Selfish I know.

People have given up asking me now. My Mum said she doesn't want to be a grandma either.

I do want kids I really do, that's whats upsetting really, whilst the timing now isn't right the problem might mean that when the time is right it doesn't happen

I know you are completely right, thanks all, rudeness all the way

call me crazy, but your husband is someone that this DOES need to be discussed with, surely?

L
xx

I would just smile and say: "I'd rather not discuss that."

It is an immeasurably rude question

I guess how you answer it depends on whether you want them to speculate about you possibly having issues conceiving. ?

When we were trying we were constantly being asked too, mostly by family. As we were heading for IVF we were super sensitive about it but also didn't want people to know so used to say things like 'we want to go on X holiday so will think about it after then' etc.

Now, we've been married nearly 6 years and are sprogless I think they've given up. We haven't told many people IRL we're approved to adopt. A huge part of me loves the idea of pitching up to a family party with a child and telling them all then. Serve them right for being nosey beggers.

"I'd rather not discuss it" wouldn't wash with my family, that coupled with me not drinking (usually driving) would automatically mean to them that we are trying or already pregnant and it would just come up again and again

Rudeness all the way

I diagree with the advice you've had to respond rudely and aggressively. If anything, that's just going to get people more interested.

I also think, while asking about people's family plans can be extremely insensitive, the degree of rudeness/insensitivity isn't always the same- there's a big difference between being hectored by a near-stranger about how you ought to crack on with starting a family and being asked, neutrally, whether you have any plans to start a family in the context of a discussion with a friend about plans for the future. The former deserves rudeness in return, the latter not IMO- it's a faux pas given your situation but not one deserving of "mind your fecking business".

I think Sophie's answer is the best one.

?

Congratulations on being approved to adopt POD it's such a long hoop jumping process but totally worth it!

I think "Why do you want to know?" is a marvellous answer.

For this and many other situations.

I used to get this from relatives, friends and work colleagues but over the years and me saying I don't want them, don't like them, like my lifestyle etc most of them have now stopped! But my work, most of whom have children, have been more insistent so I was very vocal when I recently had a contraceptive implant fitted that I was now childproofed!

I've been getting this a lot recently and I tend to go for the blunt 'not yet' reply and if I'm particularly bored of being asked at that point in time I sometimes add 'and when we do decide we're going to try, we'll not be telling anyone so please stop asking me that question'

I wish I knew! We've been married for over 5 years and I still stutter and try and justify myself. I have found that being honest doesn't wash - people just won't take no for an answer and want to know why we're not having IVF etc. Saying we don't want them doesn't help either, as people witter on about how wonderful they are, how your life will have meaning, etc. I've even had it on here believe it or not!!

I do find the longer we're married, the more people do just assume that we can't have them, and more sensitive people simply don't ask.

If you don't want them or can't have them then it's no-one's business apart from yours and your husband's. Unfortunately I've never been very good at getting this across.

If you fancy abrupt "bu99er off and mind your own business" answers (aside from saying that!) are any of these any good

I'm not sure - when would best fit in with your plans?

When are you next having sex?

When the mighty [insert random made up deighty name] deems it shall be so

Some people can't even be embarrassed into shutting up though.

We had someone ask us this question at the weekend and refused to accept any of our vague replies. Eventually H said "we can't have any for medical reasons" and the response was "Really? Which one of you has the problem?"

At which point I walked off and let H deal with it!

(for those that don't know I had to have a hysterectomy 2 years ago)

But to answer the OP - I would go with the mind your own business response if you can.

Good grief, how absolutely mind-blowingly rude is that?!?! I'm gobsmacked.

OP - I'd reply to your aunt that when children come with a salary you'll consider it a career move. Cheeky cow!

I think on a first vague question, I'd reply something like "when and if we are lucky enough to have them" but if they persist then I'd just be honest and say something like "I don't want to discuss this with you." Never apologise, never explain...

? I can't believe how people can be so rude!

After being pester by family on the issue for years (am 32 and don't know yet) I pointed out how insensitive the question was in case we were trying and that it was none of their business. Did the trick nicely

Gah, I wrote a long reply but Hitched ate it.

How about:

Gosh! I'm sure you didn't mean to ask such an intimate/rude/intrusive question - oops. Anyway, how about this heatwave?

I used to answer "so when are you having children?" with, "Oh, about 9 months after I get pregnant."

That used to surprise people enough to shut them up. I've also said something along the lines of, "not just yet, how's your sex life?" but it depends who it's with. I used that one with a particularly persistent and annoying colleague who kept asking when I was having a second.

I rather like Rache's and SL's answers. I wouldn't be rude though, I liked the high moral ground when I was asked that question, makes the person that asked feel like a right prat, and hopefully they'll realise quite how thoughtless it was.

I read a reply on WP that made me laugh. Just say 'when you've found one you like'!

We went to a BBQ and someone i didn't even know asked when were having kids (i'm currently having IVF). When we tried laughing it off he then asked my H if he was firing blanks.

We left soon after.