When you are without the Father of the Bride

I'd like to know this too,but also how you cope with Top Table seating, invitation wording and generally how you cope when everyone else is in couples apart from your Mum?

I hadn't even thought about top table, etc!

It's a horrible thought really... Traditionally there'll be Bride, Groom, MOB, FOB, MOG, FOG, CBM and Best Man. So who can I "replace" my Dad with? I have a brother, but then I have to separate him from my SIL....

It's tricky....

Also I worry that when we're all dancing I'll be very aware that Mum won't have anyone to dance with... Etc, etc...

Did your Dad have a favourite food you could encorporate?

I am new to all this wedding business, having only recently got engaged. Think i am really going to have to think about the top table seriously.

My Dad's fav food was a good old curry which i am not sure would be appropriate for a June wedding! However, it has got me thinking that he loved nothing more than an Irish coffee (he was irish) after his curry so maybe i could incorporate that into the day - thanks for the idea!

I'm a natural worrier so have started worrying about all these little details already.

Anyone else got any ideas/tips to help us?

You don't have to stick with tradition. We are not having a "top table" but instead just another round table in amongst our friends and family, this way it wouldn't be quite as obvious to everyone else that there is someone not physically there.

You could remember him with music, readings, a remembrance candle, photo in your bouquet, in the speeches... He will be there with you.

I wouldn't worry too much about your mum and the dancing, she will know a lot of people (I'm assuming) and will be able to dance with your brother, your friends, uncles etc. Obviously it wouldn't be the same but I really can't see anyone leaving her on her own.

Thanks for the good ideas. Will def use some of these!

One couple I know are have some flowers to remember a mother from the grooms side and a father from the brides side.

There was talk of a framed picture but that was considered a bit iffy.

My partner doesn't speak to her father so should we get married in the future I'll probably walk up the Aisle to meet her and then we'll walk down the aisle together.

I lost my dad suddenly in September 2008. I know my wedding is going to be so hard for my mam and me. My dad was there at my first marriage, and i really wish he could see me marry my OH, the right person for me.

Truth is, i know that on the day my dad will be with me in a way which no one else knows. I do like the picture idea, but i would that not perhaps draw attention to his absence?

For me, my dad will be in my heart. Just as he has been since the day he went.

My Dad died last year, during our wedding planning. I am going to have his wedding ring on a ribbon loop on my bouquet - so he is kinda walking me down the aisle. My Mum is giving me away instead. For our top table, I have two BMs sitting with us, and only the best man on the groom's side, so the numbers balance out pretty well. The top table is female heavy as the best man is female, so we're hoping that will disguise the gaps. We've also made sure not to do any of the swapping round of parents (sometimes MOB sits with FOG etc), so no-one feels uncomfortable. My Mum doesn't like dancing, so don't have that worry.

How about having a photo in a locket and attach it your dress or bouquet somewhere? you could not have a top table to cause any upset? We are setting out tables and anyone can sit anywhere!!

Im sure the best man would have a little dance with your mum if you gave him the heads up before hand??

I think its a fab idea to have irish coffee-why not have it given out with the speeches, and make a point of it being as a toast to your dad...like a pp said you don't have to stick with tradition..

I am so sorry for you and anyone in your situation, my dad is currently having treatment for cancer and if he couldnt be with me on my wedding day i would be so gutted...In fact me and my oh had a big heart to heart about it and he said if my dad wasn't there on the day he would meet me at the top of the aisle and walk down it with me like chris giles said he did.

xxx

I am sorry to hear your dad is no longer with you, I know a wedding can bring out all the hurt thats been hidden away.

In terms of your mom during the dance, perhaps ask if she has a friend (male or female) who she'd want to accompany her, or just make sure FIL / Your brother / Groom is aware so that you can all alternate and make sure she is OK. There will probably be a lot of times when she will want to sit back and think of your dad too though, in a nice happy reflection way.

As a tribute to my nan and grandad (who are no longer with us) I am having Ave Maria playing me into church as my Grandad loved it, and I am thinking of having my Nans song during the signing of the register, the emotions for all the family are still very raw on the loss of nan so am considering where is the most appropriate time.

We are also having a table incorporating wedding pictures for those who brought me up - so Nan and Grand will be on there, but less of a "memory table" as I don't want it to be sad.

Finally as we are getting married in church we are having 2 large candles burning on the alter in memory of them - I have made labels myself with personalised messages.

Just a thought regarding the 'top table' - an alternative is what is called a 'sweetheart table' which is a small table only the bride and groom sit at, then the rest of the people that would sit at what would be traditionally the 'top table' are on tables each side, similar to the tables the rest of your guests are sat at.

That does remove some of the focus on who isn't there, but does focus more on the happy couple instead.

Don't know if that might be appropriate? You can google for more information.

My dad passed away almost 10 years ago but i am extreamly lucky to have 2 amazing brothers who will be giving me away and an amazing God father who will be giving the speach. my mum decided that the day would be emotional enough as it is, she didnt want to take on any of the roles that would have been my dad's.

I have a locket with his photo in that i plan to have on me somehow , he was a HUGE Frank Sinatra fan so we are going to walk back down the aisle to "Ive got the world on a string"

there will be toasts to ' absent friends' (OH's dad passed away when he was 18 too) i think my God father will mention my dad but mum has asked him not to be too emotional, he said a few words at my 21st and almost everyone was in floods!!

when it comes to table, we are also having round ones, OH and I are sitting with BM, CBM, ushers and B.maids. my mum will be on a table with God parents and aunt and her friends and OH's mum will be sat with his aunts and one of his sister's and her family.

We are having a sweetheart table and I was going to suggest that as a possibility but AJ beat me to it.

We are also asking people to bring with them one of their wedding photos and these will be displayed in the lounge of the hotel. In amongst these I will be placing a photo of my aunt (who died a couple of months ago and was really looking forward to the wedding) along with other family members on both sides who are no longer with us but we would have liked to have been there.

A friend of mine who lost his dad a couple of months before his wedding got married at the same church that his funeral was held at and he went and sat with his dad (so to speak) before the wedding and then once married the happy couple went round to 'see' him again and Adelle left her bouquet on his gravestone. The guests knew what was going on and so they were left till they were ready to return. I am not sure if something like this is possible, or something you would think about. I am saving my bouquet and will be driving up to London the weekend after the wedding to lay it with my aunt.

Could your favours be something that he would have really liked or to do with a hobby of his?

I am sure that what ever you do he will be there with you on your day.

X

I might use some of the music that he liked - he was a Frank Sinatra fan too - and we used to have this thing where he'd try and sing and I'd try and cover his mouth to stop him (sounds silly but I was little!)

The other thing I've thought of is putting a quote from mum and dad's fave poem.... "How do I love thee...?" on the invites

Hi,

Not easy, is it?I have lost both my dad and my sister.

My son is walking me down the aisle ( he's 15)

I have asked the church if we can have 3 candles lit during the ceremony ( OH also has lost his dad)

They will all be mentioned in church, but not too much, as otherwise I'll cry.

No top toable, but a round one. My late sisters daughter can sit next to my mum.

I will hold a speech instead of my dad...

BTW: Sergzy, I love your ring idea, thats really moving...

Goodluck to all of us who will be missing loved ones on our special day xx

I am totally agree with Mrs C. I think she gave a right suggestion to you. So don't worry. And concentrate on your wedding planning.

My Dad died last August, so I'm also struggling with this. A bit like Miss.Understood My dad gave me away at my last wedding knowing it was to the wrong guy and I would have so loved him to be here when I KNOW its the right guy.

My Mam is giving me away instead and I am hoping to have a prayer in the service which remembers my dad. At the reception I'm going to have both sets of parents wedding photos as well as grandparents wedding photos next to the guest book as a memory table. I'm also toying with having a length of the best mans speech sweapstake as my dad liked a bet and all the funds raised going to the hospice that cared for him in his last day. If I dont do this I will have a collection box at the bar for them, but I dont intend to make a big deal of that.

As for the top table, the idea of putting someone in my Dad's place really upset my Mam, even if it was my Brother, so rather than do this I've dropped my CBM from the top table. This evens up the numbers and means that she can sit with her partner.

I'm toying with a number of alternatives to the father daughter dance (When did this tradition start? I'd never heard of it until 2 years ago and now it's causing me so much stress), the latest of which is to dance with my Mam to their wedding song (Lady in Red) but I dont know if that will upset her.

Just sat at my desk and sobbed. My dad passed away just 2 months ago and it's still very raw for me. NO ONE will replace my dad but my brther is walking me down the isle, i'm would have done it on my own as i feel no one can replace my dad, but realised i wont make it without breaking down!

my very best friend is having a locket done for me to attach to my boquet 1 side with my dad the other with my nephew.

we are also having a song played that i will dance with my mom to and it's "dance with my father again"

The biggest of virtual internet hugs for you...... Reading this has brought tears to my eyes

xxx

I've cried my way through this thread 3 times now, and I think I'm finally composed enough to reply. My dad died 5 years ago, so he never even met my OH. I cried when my OH proposed, wondering how I could get married without my dad to give me away. My dad was brilliant at my first wedding, he snuck me a large brandy when my mum wasn't looking to calm my nerves, stopped me from rushing into the church just to 'get it over with', danced with me and made sure I had time to sit down and take it all in.

So my OH and I will be arriving together. I thought about having my mum or son give me away but decided I couldn't do that - it would just remind me that my dad wasn't there. The top table will not be a traditional arrangement, but my mum will be sitting with us. We will toast 'absent friends' to remember grandparents, my dad and others, and I thought about a photo but decided I couldn't - I'd just cry every time it caught my eye. I might ask to borrow something of my dad's for the day as my 'something old'.

I'll probably ask my mum to do a little speech, my son has volunteered to do a speech too. We're not having a band or a disco, but we'll have some tunes on the iPod that my dad liked.

I feel for all of you - the absence of any loved one at a big event is hard, even harder for a bride whose dad isn't there to give her away.

But I love the ideas you have for remembering your lost loved ones. And I know my dad wouldn't want his absence to cast a shadow on my big day, so I'll try to smile while remembering him, rather than cry because he's not there.

My dad only just passed away this april after a 3 month battle with cancer, i never thought i'd be planning my wedding without him! The venue we have chosen was one of my dads favourite places. The resturant has great views of the lake and fells so at least we know he would've loved the reception venue!

I am sitting here with the biggest lump in my throat! I am sending hugs to everyone who will have anyone special missing from their special day. I am lucky enough to have my wonderful dad still here to walk me down the aisle and it will be a moment i will treasure forever. However, my mum will be missing. I lost her 2 1/2 years ago to a long battle with alcohol addiction. I know she will be there with me in my heart and mind. But my MIL2B has bought me a sky lantern to release at some point in the evening as a little symbol to her.

I really like the idea of having a candle in the church. Mum and I always make a point of lighting a candle for Dad and one for Grandad when we go into churches on holiday etc.

I know that my Dad wasn't there for my first marriage but I was a mess of emotions and had virually fallen out with mum by then. My brother walked me down the (registry office) aisle and we just sat on a round table. I think this time it'll be different and harder because not only will we be doing it "properly" and having what I've always dreamt about, but also because I really wish my Dad had met OH. I really think they would have got on. I want to get Mum to walk me down the aisle and I think that's gonna be emotional....

....in fact so emotional I'm in tears about it now... Damn.

This thread has had me in tears too. I lost my mum at the end of January and my dad at the end of April and am stuck for ideas. My brother in law is giving me away, but i know its going to be an emotional day. I want to remember my mum in a special way but Im still thinking of a way that is fitting and without me bursting in tears every five mins.