where did it all go wrong

Oh no, I don't really have any suggestions but it's a horrible situation to be in. Why did you parents dislike him immediately? ?

I Apologise in advance for this ?

Whose life is it?
You are not your parentsif you truly love him go for it
I'm not trying to say it will be a perfect wedding if your parents don't attend but you should be happy for you NOT your family

Again I apologise for being blunt ?

Hmmmm...A difficult situation!

If you truly love him, i'd be inclined to tell you to go for it, get engaged and move in with him. Your mum may not like him, but i'm sure that in time your mum and your boyfriend will get used to each other, maybe even grow to like each other. Perhaps they didn't get on because of the tension of you both living with your parents? In a different situation, things may change between them?

You need to stop doing what your parents/mum wants and do what you want. my mum hates my other half for various reasons, we didnt speak to each over for a year because of it and its not often now we do. She knows im engaged but still doesnt know that im getting married in july of next year, i will tell them but im pretty sure she wont be there, and to be honest im not even sure i want her there. however my dad and my younger brother are still living with her( my brothers 14 ) and i would love my dad to give me away and for him and my brther to be there, id let her come if it ment they all would however i know my mum will completly kick off when she find out. but at the end of they day im happy, im marrying my hubby to me and thats important to me, if my mum choses not to attend then thats her loss, you only go to your daughters wedding once. i guess what im trying to say is that im doing it and my parents wont be there, which hurts me but if i lived my life by what my mum approves of id be wrapped up in cotton woll in my room forever. its my choice and this is what i want and im doing it with or without her there. it seems to me that you hvae made the decsion that you want to be with your oh, if you want to marry him go ahead, dont let your mum dictate to you or you will regret it forever. mine did it for to long. you can still have a wedding without parents, have it surrounded by the people who love you and accept you for you and dont judge you on anything that you do. you will be fine.

sorry this is long its helped me get some stuff out to xx

Out of curiousity, how old are you, sunshine???

The reason my mum didnt like we arranged for us all to meet for a quick drink at mums , mum and dad were going out so we arranged to meet before this .However an hour before something came up for my bf and he was running late , by the time he got to the house parents had gone out. Mum thought that i had arranged it so they would miss him , we waited until they came back and then she said he was trying to hard and has no people skills , the poor thing was so nervous, but then the next day mum sent me a txt saying she couldn't believe what i had done !

25 x

Ahhh..... and so your mother treats you like your 15....yup I know that feeling..... I dont know what advice to give i'm afraid, but perhaps let him establish his place with work etc and then make your plans to move. But think about it wisely. I moved for a bf once and it was not a good choice... but dont let your mother control you either..

Think she always will do and no matter who im with , with never be good enough

As I've said before this is my second marriage

My First marriage was a riot!
My MIL turned up in a stripey jumper cos she didn't agree with the wedding and only told us on the morning that she was coming

My Mother however, hated my fiancee for unknown reasons and made my day awful, moaning and she even had a fight with her mother and my brother!

This time around whomever I don't want there or who is gonna moan is not gonna be there

HTH XX

Hi,

This situation sounds awfull.

However the only things you need to think of here are as follows - if you love him nothing and no one else matters.

I dont mean the blind love of he treats you bad and you turn a blind eye type, I mean truly love him.

Does he make you happy?

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

Could you live without him?

The answers to these questions should be enough to enable you to answer your own doubts.

Any one who truly loves and cares for you will just be happy your are happy.

Dont let people live your life to please others.

Live your life to please you.

Sorry if this comes accross a little blunt it is not intended to.

Good luck in your choices x

In my relationship with h2b, he has fallen out with my step dad, because they are to a like! They did not speak for 4 months between bonfire night and valantines day. It nearly acutally finished us, but we worked through it. It was a testing time with alott of questions asked how we felt about each other. Then h2b made the effort to come into the house. It put a big strain on our relationship, as for this time I was constantly going to his mum's which is 20 miles away. But we got through it and are getting married this year. I would not say they are the best of mates, but they get on. Sometimes the odd thing happens but then its nearly forgotten. But my step dad has helped us with our house and borrowing us money to do certain jobs. H2b has come to respect him more, and the over way round step dad has seen how h2b treats me etc and I mean in a good way.

Unfortunately with my dad, I suppose he has proberley met him a dozen times in 4 years thats sad I know. But my dad does not live round the corner he is nearly 2 hours away over a busy motorway. You can not get in the car and just go and visit, it has to planned and takes the whole weekend to make it worth while. 2 weeks ago, my dad has continued to badger me about giving me away right through the planning of the wedding. My step dad has brought me up for longer than my dad. I felt it was not fair on either of them to have the other walking me down the aisle. So I choose my mum. My dad still continued to go on at me each time this happened I was getting more upset, about this to the stage where h2b had enough. He rang my dad, there was a rather heated disagreement. My dad was giving us money towards the wedding, which we have now declined as it was more like a piece of bate to give me away. My dad is now no longer welcome at our wedding, because of the trouble which has already been caused and the problems I know and have been worrying over that he could have caused. We have booked everything, and this has now put alott more financial strain on us. I do not know when I will see my dad again or when I will be ready to speak to him. It has been a very upsetting time, but I had to say well I am glad it did not happen on the day. As its not a dress rehersal its the real thing and 1 day you can not repeat. All I wanted was for my dad to respect my wishes be happy he was seeing his eldest daughter marry. But he was not sattisfied with this, which sadly has put a strain and break in our relationship. I am still very upset he will not be there, but that was a choice we had to make to ensure we enjoyed our day.

All that I think about now is that I am marrying the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. Also the people who are there, are there for us. Because they love us and want to share our special day. They have not put any pressures on us, where my dad did. I have to say other than the money now I feel a weight of the day has now been lifted. I will not be watching my mum, dad and stepdad all day I can enjoy.

We sent my dad a joint email stating how I in particular felt. H2b also stated that he needed to step back and not treat me as a little girl and see me as an adult of 35!

I am sorry for the long reply, I just wanted to show. If 2 people love each other, they will fight for it no matter even with parents intervention. I keep saying now my dad has had 2 wedding days, and everything he wanted. Now it is my turn, my dad has his life like your mum now it is my turn with h2b. Also it is your turn!

another blunt one I'm afraid....

as if you would arrange something like that! 1st impressions are important but I reckon ur man would have been feeling bad enough for being late not too mention meeting ur mam for the 1st time!!

I'm sure that she should have gotten used to it by now, if she didnt like him that much she wouldnt have let him stay.

Why not write her a letter explaining how you feel about him, and how you would like to all meet up again - maybe a new start. If she's reasonable then she'll consider your feelings in this.

If not, then you have tried ur best.

*hugs*