Where have all the regulars gone??

I wasn't invited either ?

Not heard from sunnyorangeflowers in ages, I don't even remember seeing her wedding photos x

It doesn't explain why there isn't many new 'regulars' replacing the old though. I know there are a few but not many. It seems to be that a lot of people don't even post pics of their wedding let alone stick around after they're married and WP has been a lot quieter recently.

In all honesty, there has always been a 'them and us' kind of feeling around the old 'Otters' and newer regulars - which is going to happen because the older ones all know one another, have met IRL, have other online meeting places outside of hitched and have all the banter than comes with the history of friendships. Some might refer to it as a clique (and to be clear, I'm not!!) it's just natural when you have a big group who already have a dynamic and know one another, while they may be friendly and open to new people, new people are never going to be able to slot in easily.

So I'm guessing that's why honesty or bluntness can be received the way it has been - people already have their backs up a bit by feeling a bit excluded from the group of bezzies, and not everyone is as thick skinned as may be necessary for the kind of honesty/banter that goes about.

I don't think that the new people's sensitivity can be blamed for the departure of the original otters - you can't tell me that otters stopped posting because people were offended by their bluntness (isn't that the whole point of being blunt!?) or that people weren't offended by the bluntness before 2014 - it's just that there were a lot of otters who invested a lot of time in the OT forum, and it's that that's tapered off now. People have moved on.

People say it's boring here, well that's because there's no banter here - and there's no banter here because the regulars don't post here as much. Simple.

I would have to disagree on some of your points though sillywrong, people have always been offended by bluntness (who knows how they cope in the real world when a diffirence of opinion on a website with strangers causes so much distress) but in 2014 there was a definite shift to a lot of posts from otters being jumped all over at the slightest thing. Plus hitched on phones is crap and lets face it how many people log onto a pcnowerdays at home?

The loss of bt has been a huge blow as well. It's sad but untill some of the brides decided to come over to ot and liven things up- which I guess they won't as once they are married they tend to leave from what you are saying, then ot will continue to be as dead as it is.

also being an otter isn't based on how long you have been on hitched- as a rough estimate I would say that otters have wed between 2009 and 2014 so that's quite a wide 'length of service'! It's more to do with your involvement and how much time you want to invest into the community. You get out what you put in and all that.

I think with the rise of Facebook/Twitter/instagram over the last few years it's much easier for people to keep in touch on there than it is on forums, especially ones like Hitched which are not user friendly from mobiles and tablets. When I got married in 2012 I was still using my laptop every day, now I almost always use my phone. Hitched is such a faff to use on my phone I can't be bothered.

I agree with Mini that there's also been some real nastiness towards otters this year, which I'm sure has put long timers off of participating on WP. It never used to be like that - everyone is new to the forum at some point, and the more you participate the more likely it is that you'll get to know people and make friends. But these days anything remotely honest/critical gets immediately jumped on as being cliquey bullying/bitchiness. When you combine that with the loss of BT there are far fewer reasons for old timers to stick around now.

I have racked up a lot of posts (go big or go home, right?) but as I haven't been here very long because there were only 8 months between my engagement and my wedding, I don't feel like an otter. More like an annoying kid at school who just follows the cool kids around hoping to be accepted one day ;-)

Me too, a bit. And I know my strong opinions on certain subjects have made me unpopular at certain times in the past - which I'm fine with, I've been arguing with people on the internet for years, and I like a bit of lively debate - but I don't think that's the reason. I dunno what is, though. Maybe it's just a feeling that you have to have been here a certain (somewhat indeterminate) length of time before you're a 'real otter'.

I know I didn't feel like a proper otter until I'd been here for more than a year. What's more, despite being more aged than most of the old guard, I am relatively inexperienced in forum ways. It took a long time before I could tell the difference between 'blunt' and 'nasty' - it's a pretty thin line sometimes!!

it also took me a while to recognise a troll post though - maybe I'm just not that quick on the uptake!!

The thing is, you can't have it both ways. Loads of people in the past have said otters/oms gang upper nasty/cliquey etc and why do they keep commenting when they're married, but when it stops it's quiet. Because people with opinions and who aren't afraid to say what they think and have a debate is what makes it fun.

When I joined what I liked most about hitched was the honesty, and the genuine advice from people who were married. For me, it set it apart from the other fluffy "your day your way hun" forums. Yes people were blunt, yes lots of people had the same a opinion but sometimes in wp it's good to have a virtual slap round the face and realise you're being a bit of a bridezilla.

Likewise with OT there were loads of threads when I first joined and it was great fun, but, you only get that kind of atmosphere and rapport when people know each other well. And naturally, when people know each other well, new people are always going to feel like newbies. It's not cliquey, it's not them and us it's just the way of the world, it's like being the new kid at school.

Now a lot of the people that knew each other don't post on here as much, and nobody's being honest on as many posts, it's inevitably quiet.

Hitched definitely needs a decent forum app. I only usually log on at work, rarely at home as I'm more on my phone than laptop.

I appreciate you are writing this from the stance of a hib so you don't want to put off potential customers however I would say that the arrival of groups of people onto a thread is something brides have certainly done.

Im glad you find ot less scary now though- now we are not here it must be a much nicer place to post.

Hmm.

I wasn't going to carry on posting on this thread as it has begun to feel like an otter-bashing thread with comments about how otters seemingly only posted on other posts to stir things and how it's got better now 'the regulars' don't post as much etc but I just don't agree with that at all.

I'm a relative newbie compared to a lot of people on here and I've never felt the otters didn't welcome me over on OT. What I have found however is that the fluffiness on WP has reached such a height now that it does make WP and OT very different. And then when otters are honest, as they should be, people jump down their throats which results in less and less people coming on OT for fear of being chastisised for honesty.

I personally don't see the point of a forum where everyone agrees just for the sake of being nice. If someone is asking advice, be honest. I came on here to bounce ideas off people and be given a reality check. I don't get that anymore.

I don't come on here anywhere near as much as I do as I really don't feel like I can speak my mind anymore without being accused of being bitchy/cliquey/whatever and that's not a place I want to be.

I only ever post things on here that I would be happy to say to someone's face, but I don't want to think I am hurting peoples' feelings, so try to be tactful. Most of us OMs are married and have been through wedding planning, and some are even divorced so we have experience. If people can take honestly, that's their problem.

Maybe I'm deluded about how I am. Maybe I am just horrible and that's why I don't want to be here...

I must be really obtuse, because I didn't realise there was a clique of OM's & I certainly haven't noticed any nastiness towards said OM's/otters but then its not something I've looked out for.

I will admit OT initially did feel a little like a members only club (to me anyway) but I decided to barge my way in anyway & as yet no one has asked me to leave.

I do agree with schwelley & Mrs Shep that I don't really feel like an otter even though I post here the most. I don't really like WP because its a bit cloying & fluffy for my tastes.

Oh for goodness sake!!!

?

this!

I don't think i've seen anyone be 'horrible' but people are a bit quick to say you're being rude/unfair/unhelpful. I try and stick to being honest, for example I told someone you could see their under eye circles the other day because she had asked for an opinion. I worded it politely, and she was fine. if I read a post and all I can think of is unsavoury, then I don't post. I may think your idea is stupid etc, but that isn't constructive so i'll sit that one out. i like WP because i'm now a sad OM who doesn't want to just let weddings go, but I like OT because you can (should be able to) say what you like

What's that for?

I'm sorry if I midunderstood your post- I do think that perhaps the nature of a forum is that people come and go over time and now is the time for quite a few of the otters to move on. More will replace us along the at- it's just how things go.

You seem to have backtracked in your last post a bit Schwelly, first you were saying that the OMs would only post in certain threads on WP to "stir things up", now you're saying they only posted in those threads because they're inevitably more interesting, and it isn't really a problem just an observation. Which is it?

This thread has pretty much demonstrated to me why I don't post here anymore. Mumsnet is far more interesting/entertaining for me now, it has the honesty and wit that Hitched is missing. I agree with DCM that you can't have it both ways, the honest, opinionated, witty characters are what make it fun. If you don't like that and think it's intimidating then you have to accept the alternative, which is a quiet, boring forum.

I have said this time and time again over the years, but when I start a new job I make an effort to learn people's names, sit with them at lunch, get to know their personalities, find out about their families. I don't sit in a corner and complain that it's cliquey and intimidating because everyone already knows each other. I don't understand how it's any different online.

I should add that other than the first bit my post is not directly aimed at you Schwelly - it's more a general point about the fact that every single time a thread on WP got a bit heated it would inevitably turn into accusations of OMs being cliquey bitchy bullies, even if new posters were saying exactly the same thing. Every single time. It got/gets extremely tedious. When you combine that with the other issues (non-user friendliness of the forum, loss of BT, increase in use of social networking sites) people aren't going to bother if they feel more comfortable elsewhere.

I can be pretty shy in real life, but I accept that you can't just walk into a friendship group and know all the in jokes and shared experiences. You have to get to know people and become part of the group slowly over time, that's life on and offline.

I've been insanely busy. I decided to give up my part time job to just concentrate on the business (don't ever give 3 months notice ) and wanted to leave everything just right. I left 4 weeks ago and haven't had a minute free, but plan to be around more in the New Year.

That's obviously cos you sound like a bitter old woman telling her relatives how "I'll just hurry up and die, it'll be so much easier for you all then!" It seems like this thread has now become OMs convinced that nobody wants them around as they are too blunt, scary, honest, not-fluffy, etc. Which is clearly not the case at all.

I'd be interested to know if anyone who considers themselves a more recent OT convert can actually name the people they think are the "otters"?

Seems to me that otters are portrayed as an ever-shifting cloud who hold some kind of balance of power....but are never actually defined.

Am I an otter? Are you an otter?

I don't think anyone said that ID. And I don't think anyone really cares whether random people on the internet like them. The reality is that Hitched has stopped being a fun place for OMs to post for all the reasons I listed above. You can deny that those reasons are true, but the question was "where have the regulars gone?" and that is the answer.

Thanks for the clarification.

Now now ladies, it's Christmas!! I think the whole point at the beginning of this thread was that the regular posters are missed. Whether you are missed for your bluntness, your kind-heartedness or any other reason doesn't really matter.

Whats more, I get the impression you miss being here too or this thread wouldn't be promoting such argument!

We are a group of women (and funky) who came to a site where we had just one thing in common - getting wed. We all have different backgrounds, different lifestyles, different ideas and opinions. When I first arrived, what I noticed was how willing everyone was to give advice and help, sympathy and understanding. If some posted more than others, it didn't occur to me to think they were cliquey, just that they had more time to post.

To those otters who have been around a long time, if it's time for you to leave, we respect that but please take with you the compliment that we will miss you!

To those otters who are newer, keep up the traditions - give advice where needed and help if you can.

And to everyone - put your arguments to one side, have a lovely Christmas and a very happy New Year xxx.

I know I've cut some of what you've said out but I'm just highlighting a couple of bits in here.

This is kind of the point I and possibly others (though I can't speak for them) are trying to make. This isn't an argument in my opinion, and shouldn't need to be dampened down, it's debate, it's people giving their views and opinions on why it's quiet here. Debate should be encouraged on forums, particularly in ot. Otherwise it's just a thread of people agreeing or being too scared to do otherwise.

Yeah, debate is good but...i feel like this thread is kind of going around in circles now.

Forums change, it's life. I made several close friends and found a whole community on a forum that now hasn't been posted on whatsoever in almost three weeks. It makes me sad, but it's just how things go sometimes. I missed tthe chat and exchanges of ideas etc you get on forums and that's why I took up residence here, but I still go through phases of wondering if I'll stay around after my wedding. Otherwise I have Popjustice but I often can't access parts of that at work so it isn't always a great option. I dunno, we'll see. I can't imagine not being part of a forum at all, though.

You've just said exactly what I was going to say DCM.