where on earth do I start???

Hello and welcome to hitched!

Sorry to hear your mum's not in the best of health. Is there another family member (aunt or cousin) that can help you with your planning? Or perhaps your future mother in law would like to help you?

Could you let us know what type of ceremony you'd like (church, registry office) and any other thoughts you had about the day? I'm sure the hitchers will be able to throw some ideas your way - they're a kind and clever bunch!

So sorry about your Mum, such a horrible thing to happen at such a happy time!

As far as planning goes, there are loads of planning tools available (one on hitched) which will give you a rough idea of what you need and when. The most important thing to sort out is the legal bit, and somewhere to do the legal bit. This can be as simple or fancy as you like - our local Registry office had a list of all licensed venues in our County so it could be a good place to start if you're looking at civil services. Not really sure what the process is for a Church Wedding - but someone here will.

Once you've decided on that you can work out the extra stuff.

Everyone here will help - you will not have to plan alone!!

Thanks Pipsybus and BAMS. I would love to have a church wedding as I'm rather traditional but will most probably be a registry office. My OH's mum might help, I hadn't thought of asking her, but I do get on well with her despite only having met a few times as we don't live near by. OH and I had both said next May but other than that we haven't decided on anything, are we supposed to sit down and discuss everything together, I really have no idea!

Good that you have your OH's Mum to call on and that you have a date in mind!!. I suppose it depends on your OH really whether he wants to be involved in all the discussions etc. It's perfectly normal for some to be completely involved in every single decision and for others to just 'turn up on the day!' - see what he wants to do but also don't put all the pressure on yourself!

I am a planner and list maker so found that this really helped me, I put all my ideas down and then OH and I sat down with a drink (or 2) and just went through it and he added his own ideas etc.

I think it would be a good idea to sit down and chat with OH about what you'd both like.

When you say a small wedding do you mean just yourselfs and witnesses? If so what will you do after the ceremony?

Are you going to go for a meal, maybe invite your closest friends to a restaurant to help you celebrate? Or have a party in the evening for a larger number of guests? So many possibilities....

once you guys have decided what you want you should get in touch with the venue. If it's a registry office, the registrar will help you through what happens next. Or the vicar/priest will guide you through a church wedding

if you've decided on a meal or party you need to find a venue and check they're available on that date and speak to them about what you'd like and the budget you have. If you want a photographer start checking out those local to you or asking around for recommendations. The same with cakes and florists, hair and makeup artists

I think if I was you I'd be asking my OH to help with planning so it doesn't seem so daunting. It should be fun for both of you! Although perhaps not the dress shopping - I'm sure you'll want a friend with you for that!

and if you get stuck with anything - ask on here!

Hope some of this might be a help to you! I've only just started planning myself so I'm kind of just muddling through what I think should be next!

+1 to everything Pipsybus wrote.

Also, if you want to get your dress from a wedding dress shop (rather than something from Monsoon etc) you need to start looking at least 6 months in advance.

Good luck with everything

I'd pretty much echo what everyone else has said.

Just to add from me: if you do want a church service, I am sure the minister and his team would be very happy to help, churches are very caring places, but likewise registry offices see all sorts of things so will be flexible and helpful.

And a personal note, I have dementia in the family too although not my mother, so you have my sympathy and empathy ?

Thanks for the replies! Yes a small wedding would be just us and a couple of guests, so I suppose it would be odd if in a church, plus I'm guessing that would be expensive too. No idea what we would do afterwards, not a meal and definitely not a party, we both hate them!! (parties). I have a friend who I rarely see but she said she could help me with dress and hair shopping, would have to find someone to do make up (I don't really wear any but would like some for this occasion). OH has a friend who is a gardener but used to do photography and video for weddings, so maybe he would do it and not charge so much!

To be honest I'm kind of dreading all this and just want it over with, now that my mum is in a bad way, thank you Cymruangel for your kind wishes.

There is a way around all of it if you really want no fuss! You could just elope! Book the registry office and get two people off the street to act as witnesses. No need for hair and makeup, photographer etc, but at the end of it all you guys will be Mr & Mrs and that's all that matters.

Whatever youo decide, good luck!