Where to begin?!?!

- what are the best wedding insurances to buy? Are there certain clauses etc to look out for or clarify? We've gone with Debenhams as they seemed to have the best reviews and the cover is quite comprehensive. The best thing to do is check through the exclusions on the policy to find out what isn't covered. Lots won't cover cancellation due to pre exsisting medical conditions so that's something to be aware of.

- I've chosen 4 bridesmaids but only two of them know each other, one is my H2Bs little sister but she's really outgoing and so I think she will be fine, the other one who doesn't know the others is very quiet and lives at the opposite end of the country to the rest of us, with her new baby. I'm a bit worried that because of this, and because she is notoriously bad at keeping in touch and responding to calls and messages, that she will end up either being or feeling left out of things, or frustrating the other maids because they don't hear much from her. I absolutely want her by my siege on my wedding day, but still want it to be a lovely experience for both of us in the run up! All you can do is try and include her as much as possible, if she's busy with the baby though then she might not want to be as involved as the others but as long as she's there with you on the day then does it really matter?

- how does everyone else manage with everyone else constantly having an opinion - people we hardly know have said we 'must do this' or 'should make sure we consider that' - I'm sure it is all well intentioned, but I'm already struggling to bite my tongue!! - You will get this a lot in during wedding planning, just smile and nod then do your own thing. I've tried not to tell people too many details of the wedding because they generally will have an opinion on something else I could be doing instead but it's our money we're spending so we're doing what we want.

- what are people's thoughts on a videographer? Some friends of ours set up a video camera and just got a non professional video to go with their professional photos which I think is probably a good idea but I'd love to get your thoughts! We're not having one but if we had the money then I would have. If you can't afford it then setting someone up with a camera is a good idea because at least you'll have something to look back on. I'd maybe get an idea of what everything else is going to cost you first as videographers can be quite expensive.

- colour schemes - I've seen so many beautiful combinations and cannot for the life of me choose! Overall I think the theme we will go for is English country garden so as much as I'm really loving the navy and fuchsia stuff I've seen I don't think they'll gel well - I'd also quite like to include yellow in some way as my ER is a yellow diamond, so I was also thinking of a range of purples and lilac hues with accents of yellow maybe with sunflowers for the bridesmaid bouquets etc - AGH so much choice!! Sounds nice, are you on pinterest?

- how many dress shops should I try? I have no clue about the dress! And is it best to just take my mum or should I invite the maids too? - It up to you but if you think that too many opinions are going to confuse you then I'd just go with your mum on your first trip then if you need to go again you could take your maids for a second opinion? I did three shops in a day, a definitely wouldn't do any more than that because each appointment was over an hour long and it can get tiring getting in and out of dresses plus confusing if you try on too many!

Hello and congratulations!

I think that once you've determined your budget, figure out how many people you'll want to have there then start with venues.

I believe that you need to have a date in order to arrange insurance. We went for John Lewis, as it covered deposits on bookings we made before taking out the policy. Knowing your venue will also help determine colour scheme. Knowing your date will determine if it's going to be summer, winter, spring, autumn so that may affect what your BMs might wear and the colours you go for. It may also affect the dress you go for.

Invite who you feel comfortable with to dress fittings but try not have too many people. Too many opinions can make it more difficult. Go in with an open mind, try the wildcards and see what happens.

If you're worried about BM's not knowing each other, arrange a meet up. Go for afternoon tea or something and let them meet each other. I set up a FB group so we can all chat between us. They all met at our engagement party anyway which broke the ice.

Don't listen to what other people say about what you should/must do. It's not their day, it's you and your partner's. Thank them for their opinion and say you'll take it on board. People who tell you how to run things don't need to know the details unless they're footing the bill. Just let it go over your head!

Videographers are down to your preference. We want one so we can look back on the day if we choose to emigrate so we can see our friends and family. We've been told the day goes by so fast that I'd like to be able to watch it and maybe see things I forgot or missed. It's also so we can see our grandparents, since they're pretty elderly. It's morbid I know, but it means a lot to us.

I wish I'd been told to spend more time just enjoying being engaged at the start. It turns quickly into stress and money worried. Wish I'd spent a little longer in that newly engaged bubble! Also, Pinterest is your friend! You can get so many tips and ideas, definitely worth checking out!

Don't be afraid to ask us here if there's things you're unsure of. Chances are one of us has been there, done that so we're happy to help!

For me, the place to start is your budget - how much can you save, how long do you want to wait to get married. Then you need to think about who to invite, because the big cost will be your reception, and those costs inevitably mount if you have large numbers of guests.

Start looking at reception venues - look online, email asking for package information, review it with your fiance and your families (if you want to include them), go and visit a few venues to get a feel for them and the people on their events team (we went to a wonderful venue but we could see right from the off we would have issues as the team were so haphazard). If you're looking to reduce costs, think about having your wedding on a date other than a Saturday - maybe a Friday or a Sunday (on a bank holiday weekend, Sunday would be great for most people!)

With your bridesmaids, once you've got your budget, date etc. sorted, let them know what you expect of them, i.e. if you want them to pay for their dress, hair, makeup, shoes etc., if you want them to organise your hen party, if you want them to attend dress appointments, if you want them to help with making invites etc. I didn't do this but wish I had, if they know what your expectations are then I think that's best all around. If your friend is bad at responding to communications, then in my view it would be her own fault if she ended up feeling left out - you're being very thoughtful, but some things you just can't fix. Include her as best you can but if she isolates herself, then let her.

With opinions I find saying "thank you, I'll give that some thought" works nicely - for the most part, people will back off once you've been engaged a little while and you're plodding on with your plans. If people continue to butt in, you need to tell them that you appreciate your views, but actually you had other things in mind. People want to help and be involved, but they'd mostly be mortified if they knew they were making a nuisance of themselves.

We aren't having a videographer, we've paid through the nose for an excellent photographer and that is enough. I did consider it, but realistically I had to consider how many times I would get out a wedding video and watch it - very few. If you've got a friend who prefers to be behind the camera than in front of it, maybe they could do some filming of the "important bits" for you, like the service and the speeches.

For colours, I would be guided by your bridesmaids to an extent. I'm not saying they get to pick, but, for example, I look ghastly in yellow and I'm pasty so pastel colours are a no no - there is no point picking colours which your bridesmaids cannot carry because it will affect your photos. That's not to say you can't put them in different colours, which work together, though.

Try as many dress shops as you need to try, the more the merrier - if you don't put on a dress and go "wow, I never want to take this off" then (in my limited experience) you haven't found the right dress. And even if you've found what you think is the right dress, there is nothing to stop you trying more to be sure. I did 3 shops and tried about 20 dresses - I went once with Mum, best friend and her Mum... once with Mum and fiance's Mum, aunts and cousins... and once with just my Mum.

I wish I'd been advised to keep my powder dry about my bridesmaids until I'd had chance to have a proper think and a chat with my Mum. I chose someone as a bridesmaid in the excitement of being newly engaged, and regretted it very quickly - she was awkward, wanted to make things about herself, disagreed with almost everything I wanted and it became apparent that we had been drifting apart for years and I didn't even LIKE her anymore. She has since fallen by the wayside.

I'd also be careful about accepting money from family. My parents offered to pay for the reception and we bit their hands off, really grateful that they wanted to give us such generous help - but it was a poisoned chalice because we now have far more guests than we ever wanted and my parents' view is that they can have who they want because they're paying. Also, OH's Dad offered to pay for the photographer, but announced in May that he thinks he will struggle (but he's got a new camera, lenses, computer, editing software, gym equipment, mountain bike gear etc.) - so with 7 months to go we were faced with the stress of having to really tighten our belts and scale some things back, just so we will have the money for the photographer spare, in case he lets us down.

Congratulations - enjoy it

Everything you have been old already is really good advice. The only thing I would add is to learn the art of nodding and smiling when people offer their opinions and then decide what works for you. Seems like everyone has an opinion with weddings and likes to offer them if you ask or not!

Also, if you know your bridesmaid is bad at communicating set your own expectations for them accordingly. I have seen quite few brides on here that are upset cos of lack of excitement or communication from bridesmaids. Don't expect her to change and just accept that's how she is. (One of our ushers is exactly like this and we just let him get on with it!)

Enjoy it and congratulations!!!!

x

Fantastic advice so far!

The things I thought about first are church/civil ceremony - this then leads onto things such as date, budget, amount of guests etc. You need to get the legal side sorted otherwise the rest is pointless!

This is what I have done for mine:

Wedding insurance - Debenhams

Bridesmaids - just do the best you can and don't expect people to change who they are.

Ignore everyone elses opinion - just tell them as little detail as possible!

Videographer - can't really afford one!

Colour schemes - mine is navy! With ivory and coral flowers!

xXx

Hi!

I dont have much more to add to what the other ladies have put above - theres some really good advice in there! I felt like you when I got engaged - so excited but totally overwhelmed. It does get better - trust me ha ha! Once we'd set the budget and decided on a venue everything else just fell in to place :-)

RE wedding insurance - the 'best' policy will very much depend on what you want/need from the policy so thats worth some thought. My partner is in the army so I found specialist insurance that would also cover us for his authorised leave being cancelled (resulting in not being able to attend the wedding!!) or being deployed last minute if any sudden wars/conflicts break out! If you or your OH have an awkward job or unusual personal circumstances then a specialist policy can be invaluable because most will only cover for suppliers cancelling etc. Ours didnt cost any more either!

Good luck

Congratulations on your engagement! Having a budget in mind is definitely the best place to start as it will help you make rational decision from the beginning.

Don't worry about bridesmaids not knowing each other, my sister and cousin knew each other but my other two best friends didn't at all. We all get on really well now as we know we're all in this together. A good way to keep everyone in the loop is to set up a Whatsapp group or Facebook group where you can chat with everyone occasionally to make them all involved and keep them all up to date no matter where they live. You'll also be able to see who has and hasn't read your messages which helps.

The one thing I will say is don't give people too many choices. Smile politely when people say you 'must' do things but they normally say that caught up in the excitement of the word 'wedding'. In the beginning my Dad said I MUST do X,Y,Z but now completely denies he said any of that and said it's all up to me. I think he was just trying to help and keep it a traditional wedding. Support your bridesmaids but by giving too much choice it makes things difficult in the end when you try and bring it all together. I was trying to be nice and was flexible but actually I wish I'd stuck to my guns and been a bit more firm.

Definitely get a videographer if you can afford it - I've heard great things. Unfortunately it's out of our budget. It's a good way to have moving memories of family and friends who won't be around for ever.

I have an English country garden theme so can definitely help you there. I was nearly swayed by daring schemes I saw on Pinterest but stuck to my instinct thankfully. Yellow goes very well with this theme, especially when encorporated with wild flowers (soft pinks, pistachio greens, lilacs, butter yellow etc).

Put together a Pinterest board for each area you need to visualise - bridesmaid bouquets, decor, cakes, hair styles - you'll soon weigh up your options and keep going back to the styles you love. Then create a master board and re-pin your favourites in one place.

Go dress shopping with an open mind - I wouldn't take too many people. Go first with your mum or your maids to get an idea of what you like as that can be a bit overwhelming. Then use that knowledge to take those you didn't take the first time when you visit your next shop. Just don't over do it and confuse yourself, but at the same time don't compromise until you find IT.

Stick to what you like, don't be swayed by other people's opinions, stay on budget, and have fun

Congratulations on your engagement! Weddings can be very overwhelming! Especially when you look at forums, Google, magazines etc etc. there are so many options but you need to decide what you both want. We started cutting out things we liked from magazines and creating a mood board. It started 3 years ago with me wanting summer, yellow colour scheme, outdoors. He wanted green, autumn, woodland. We are having winter, blue, snow! we kept everybody out of discussions until we agreed what we were having so rather than saying we're thinking about such and such we were saying this is what we're havung and there was no room for changes. You will find everybody has an opinion but my biggest advice to you is keep to what you both want! until you have really thought about what you want I would avoid booking anything in case you change your mind

what are the best wedding insurances to buy? Are there certain clauses etc to look out for or clarify? - I chose my wedding insurance once I knew my venue and budget. Some do not allow you to insure pre booked stuff so I would look up wedding insurance once you have decided where you want to get married and book the venue straight after you have got the insurance. Some cover different things so it really is a personal choice

4 bridesmaids- I have four and I found one was pushing the other out a fair bit so I have a bridesmaid that is very head strong to play the mediator for me. I would explain to the other girls one lives far away and is very important to you but may not be able to participate in the lead up as much as the other 3. I would also make sure when you go dress shopping all 4 are there together so they can really bond and maybe even at your dress shopping if you want them there.

coping with everyone's opinions - we don't give them an option to have an input. My mum, fmil and bridesmaids came dress shopping but that is about it. The colour scheme we chose and only told people once it was a definate. keep your options close to your chest until you are confident it is what you want then other people telling you what to do will not be an option as you have made your choice of what you want. Don't get me wrong share your plans with your family but onky when you know what you want or they will just confuse you even more

videographer- I'm still umming and ahhing about this myself! People always say they are glad they had them but I have never enjoyed watching wedding videos so I'm not sure how I would feel about my own. I think it's a very personal choice

colour schemes - try a mood board with your oh - we did about 5! And if you are both drawn to one particular style then go with that style

dress shopping- I booked two appointments in one day both very different stockist and we had lunch inbetween which was lovely. I took my maids, mum and mother in law and we had a really lovely time but it depends on what you want. Do you want it to be just you and your mum? it's a very personal choice but I would say take someone who is honest. my sister was very aware that all the dresses would be beautiful and there would be lots that would suit me so she stayed level headed and really helped me eliminate dresses to find the one without being rude

advice- I wasn't really given any this early as we had been engaged over 6 months before finding this forum but the advice I would give is - be sure who you want your bridesmaid to be and be honest with what you expect from them. They are not mind readers so if you want them to plan your hen tell them. Don't Rush and book things before being sure of what you want. Enjoy planning, so many people get stressed over the planning stage they forget to enjoy it. The more confident you are in yur choices and realistic you are with your budget the less stressful planning becomes

Ladies!

thank you all soooo much for your lovely advice - it's all brilliant and has really helped to put things into a bit of perspective, I think I'm going to end up addicted to these forums, it's so reassuring to have this community of people all going through the same things :-)

Fiancé has been wonderful this week, Friday after work picked in the wedding box (full of magazines etc!) and took me to wedding HQ (the local!!) and we talked about what really matters for us, thankfully we are both on the same page about other people getting involved and agreed that we would of course remain polite but ultimately do what we wanted!

So grateful for all your thoughts and look forward to talking more about all our weddings over the coming weeks and months :-)

xxx

Congratulations and welcome to the forum. The first thing, as others have said, is to think about your budget, the approximate numbers that you will invite and then your venue. Thinking about what time of year you would like to get married is also a good idea as that will help when looking at venues and available dates. Once you have the venue booked then you can have an idea of the type of wedding that you would like that fits in with the venue.

With regards to videographer I was definitely not going to do it and probably still won't. Although I have recently seen advertised the idea of shooting it yourself which I quite like the idea of. They send you the cameras then guests film it, you send them back and they edit it. It isn't cheap though and my budget is through the roof already!

Congratulations and welcome - this place has been brilliant in the last few weeks with any questions that I have had or just for general advice!

One of the best bits of advice I have read about is something that I totally agree with - and that is to enjoy yoru engagement before you get bogged down in planning and stressing and everything else really. We got engaged in the middle of May this year and began planning and organising very quickly. We didnt really take alot of time beforehand to just enjoy the new and exciting time in our relationship which I kind of regret. Being engaged seens to be more stressful than anything else!

Also I am in total agreement with the comment above about not rushing into bridesmaids - I did the exact same thing, and now like you, I have a bridesmaid who lives in a completely different place from us, isnt really involved and who I'm not even sure will last the course! It's really disheartening and my heart tells me that I should have thought it through first and maybe just invited her as a guest.

We have a colour scheme of pink and purple - it might sound abit strange but I saw a picture of a beautiful pink and purple bouquet at the start of the planning and I just fell in love with it! We are planning on having a 'bunting theme' with lots of bunting in different shades

With dress shops I think you just have to go with the flow. I picked mine in the first shop I went to and was the third dress I tried. I think when you know, you just know!!

- what are the best wedding insurances to buy? Are there certain clauses etc to look out for or clarify?

I’ve heard Debenhams is good, I’ve gone with another company mainly due to cost but almost had the exact same cover as Debenhams. If you have anything booked, look out for ones that cover deposits already paid. Not many do and sometimes its best to look out for ones that do.

- I've chosen 4 bridesmaids but only two of them know each other, one is my H2Bs little sister but she's really outgoing and so I think she will be fine, the other one who doesn't know the others is very quiet and lives at the opposite end of the country to the rest of us, with her new baby. I'm a bit worried that because of this, and because she is notoriously bad at keeping in touch and responding to calls and messages, that she will end up either being or feeling left out of things, or frustrating the other maids because they don't hear much from her. I absolutely want her by my siege on my wedding day, but still want it to be a lovely experience for both of us in the run up!

Maybe arrange a trip towards her end of the country so you can all meet and plan together, maybe make it into a weekend away. That way everyone can discuss bits and bobs and she can say if she wants less to do than the others. This way she can also meet the other girls and feel at ease with them.

- how does everyone else manage with everyone else constantly having an opinion - people we hardly know have said we 'must do this' or 'should make sure we consider that' - I'm sure it is all well intentioned, but I'm already struggling to bite my tongue!!

My reaction is “oh yea didn’t think about that...maybe!” Then just continue with what you’re doing. Many people do also use the smile and nod method. However whatever fits best for you. Just remember its yours and OH wedding and no one else’s so have it however you guys want.

- what are people's thoughts on a videographer? Some friends of ours set up a video camera and just got a non professional video to go with their professional photos which I think is probably a good idea but I'd love to get your thoughts!

We weren’t going to have one, then a friend wanted to do it for us so we thought why not. Since then my granddad has become to poorly to come to the wedding and now it’s of the up most importance for the wedding to be videoed so we can see it. Luckily our friend runs a production company so we will have a pro job. However OH was asked by our friends to video their wedding and he did a great job. I think if you have someone who knows what to do with a camera and editing then that will work for you too.

- how many dress shops should I try? I have no clue about the dress! And is it best to just take my mum or should I invite the maids too?

I went with just me and my SIL because my dress is a secret; even my mum hasn’t seen it. I went to two shops and then went back to the first shop because I fell in love with a dress. It depends on you really. I would recommend not to many shops in one day.

- Lastly, what's the one piece of advice you wish another bride had given you this early in the planning?!

I dont really have any as, however do it however you want to do it, ignore what others say or comment. Its your day!!