Who gives you away?

If you don't want to upset anyone how about they both give you away? So an arm each? Or ask your mum to give you away and your dad to make a speech?

I would still have him on the Top Table whatever you decide, unless you don't want him there?

It's a very small ceremony room, but I suppose I could have my dad walk me up the first half and my mum the second and them both of the top table. Not sure if they could both fit either side.

It wouldn't seem right without him on the top table.

Oh decisions, this wedding has made me very indecisive lol

Thx for your help x

Clazza that's a really good idea, my mum has been all those to me aswel and to not give her that duty would be disrespectful but I still want to include my dad.

Some great ideas, thank you lady's x

I have the same situation as you, although no step-dad!

I didn't really care too much about upsetting my dad like Clazza said he only has himself to blame. My dad got an invite to the wedding but not to sit on the top table (he doesnt deserve that honour!) but he's decided not to come.

I did think about my mum walking me down the aisle but as she already has the MOB role I also toyed with the idea of my Grandad doing it so it was still a male family member and then my mum and I came up with the idea of my little brother (15), so he is going to give me away and do a speech!

You should have who you want to be part of your day there. If your step-dad has been more of a parent to you than your biological dad, then he should be on the top table over your biological dad.

What they actually do for you means more than blood imo.

My Dad died when I was small so my Mum brought me up alone but I am also lucky enough to have a fantastic step Dad who treats me just like his own, as such he'll be walking me down the aisle and doing the speech otherwise I would have had my Mum or Grandad give me away.

We're not having a top table because of family politics, we're going to host one table with best man, bridesmaids etc on then my parents can host a table, OH's Mum and step Dad another table and OH's Dad and his partner on another table. Seems most sensible plus the other halves of the best man and bridesmaids won't really know anyone and I don't want them sat alone.

I think both walking you up is a lovely idea, but like you say if there isn't enough room then half each would be lovely.

I'm in limbo at the moment my Mum was going to give me away as my Dad past away but she died suddenly in December I'm now not sure if I should ask my sister or step dad.

Good luck making a decision ?

I'm afraid this is a decision only you can make. It could be your dad, mum, other close relative or even walk by yourself.

My SIL was in a similar position to you. Her parents split up when she was about 12 and she only saw her dad once a year or so. Until the last minute, her mum was going to give her away and then she had a sudden change of heart and asked her dad and I think she was glad she did. They had a round top table which had parents of the groom (who'd paid for everything and at whose house the reception was), MOH, best man and her dad. Her mum and partner sat at another table with her siblings. The fathers had a suit and a matching tie, but not a full cravat/waistcoat like the bridal party. If he does give you away, there are no rules to state you have to get him a suit - it's up to you. He could wear his own suit if you don't want to buy/hire him one, although it depends if you want him to match.

My real dad has been in and out of my life when it suits him, my step-dad has always been there for me and has done more than my real dad, my real dad came back into my life and then demanded after 5 months that he walk me down the aisle, i stuck to my guns and said i had made my choice and i was sticking to it, now my real dad has gone off again now he has a new partner so i made the right choice, i say choose the one who is always there for you, some will always be a bit put out but this is your day

My dad walked out when I was 12 and I was brought up by my mum mostly, and I also have a lovely step dad. Like you I want to avoid conflict, so I've told my mum that I would like nothing more than for her to walk me down the aisle, but that I wouldn't want to have any drama at the wedding, so if my dad comes I will walk down the aisle alone. My mum was so understanding, and very touched that I wanted her to do it at all, that she didn't mind me saying I would walk alone to avoid conflict. Then she suggested that if my dad were to come perhaps I could have my two brothers give me away. I might do this, actually, as OH asked my older brother permission to marry me instead of asking my dad.

Anyways, as for the suggestion to have both your parents give you away, my SIL did that... but then she had major regrets about it ever since. Her dad hadn't really been in her life since she was about 10, too, and she really just wanted her mum to give her away, but to minimize drama she had both walk her down. She said it felt like it was down-playing the importance of her mum in her life to have her dad there.

Then, about the top table situation- I'm not having parents at the top table at all! Just me, OH, and the wedding party (my 3 bridesmaids and his 3 groomsmen), and parents are at nearby tables.. except my dad, who has to be seated away from everyone on my mum's side of the family! My mum and step dad will be seated with OH's parents, though, and right near the top table, too.

I was in the exact same position as you with my first marriage. In my opinion my Dad had no right to give me away. My Mum did and it felt perfect. My Mum also gave a speach not my Dad.

Originally I was having my step Dad and Dad in suits as I felt that was the right thing to do however as the wedding got closer I felt uncomfortable with my decision, especialy as we were paying for them and my Dad still hadn't made any effort to be a pay of my life. So with a few months to go I phoned my dad and told him I didn't want him in a suit, making some excuse that my brother wasn't going to be in one, blah, blah, blah. He was fine about this. I got him a button hole.

So, on the day my mum gave me away, made a speach and sat at the top table.

my step dad, wore a suit and did a reading in church and sat at the top table,

my dad didn't wear a matching sit but had a button hole, he didn't sit on the top table with his partner.

I wouldn't of had it any other way, for me that was perfect and what I wanted to do, not what I thought I should do. And if my dad had kicked off about any of this, he wouldn't have even got an invite.

?

My dad disappeared off the face of the Earth 17 years ago so my older brother will be walking me down the aisle.

can't advice on the top table, I'm still trying to hash ours out without causing too much grief!

My mum and dad split when I was 19, I had always been a daddy's girl before then, but our elationship changed, he remairried and things went badly south and we didn't speak for about 8 years.

My OH wanted me to try and remake contact before the wedding, and we have slowly built things up - when we first started planning and we were still in the early days of rebuilding the relationship I decided I was going to walk down the aisle alone.

I toyedwith my mum giving me away, or my sister, but as others have siad if my dad were there it would be a real snub and he is trying to make things work.

I duscussed this with my mum and she said she would do anything I wanted her to - but she wasn't fussed about giving speeches or giving me away anyway, she was happy to 'just' be MOB. Things have continued getting ebtter with dad adn I recently asked him to give a speech.

He will be on the top table and we are getting him a button hole, but not a suit. The top table was a dilema, I was tempted to have the wedding party and no parents, but OH has far fewer problems with his parents (despite a messy divorce) and I wanted to have my mum there. We have quite along top table so I have my sister and BF on there and OH has BM and brother ... families are such a ngihtmare aren't they! OH even has divorced grand parents and grandad's new wife doesn't get on at all with late grandma's new husband!!

I think the key thing is for you to be happy - if you want him to give you away then do it, if you want no one, or someone else, do that, but most importabntly for future relationships, be open and clear and mature in communicating the decisions you have made and why.

Hi All

Thanks for all your advice, I am going to give it a bit of time before deciding anything afterall its just under a year away now.

Think ive got it planned in my head but only time will tell if anything changes or improves.

Thanks again & have a brilliant wedding day x