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Little Madam
Beginner

Who's hotel are you paying for?

Little Madam, 4 October, 2010 at 13:00 Posted on Planning 0 29

My mother went mad at the weekend to find out we are paying for hotels, for 2 nights for OHs Mom and Dad, 2 sisters, Niece and Nephew, Best Man, and Grandma to attend the wedding.

We thought as we are making them come the 70 miles up north it would be fair enough...

Background is OHs family have contirbuted £nil to the wedding, and my mom a few thousand and she was already miffed about this as OHs family earn a lot more than my family mom and stepdad (almost double).

Opinions much appreciated, as relationship with my mom is suffering while i'm defending PIL.

What would you do? Money is not especially tight although obviously we are looking to spend as little as possile / not waste cash.

29 replies

Latest activity by tinks269, 4 October, 2010 at 18:53
  • Inspire Me Designs
    Inspire Me Designs ·
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    Mine and hubbys room was in the package for the evening and eveyone else paid for themselves!

    Some came all the way to Wales from Hampshire. No one grumped. Everyone was happy to pay their own way!

    Nat

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    Er..... we didnt pay for anyones. Distance or not......people who stayed at the hotel venue paid for it themselves, if they couldnt do so then they wouldnt have attended.

    I think its extremely generous that you have offered to pay for these people but I think you're mad for doing so and if they earn good money then they should have paid it themselves in my opinion.

    Lets hope they dont start spending your cash on hidden extras........

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  • Little Madam
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    Little Madam ·
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    Well we haven't actually told these people we will pay for their rooms - it's kind of been assumed from both parties so we still have time to rethink.. We could use the cash elsewhere - for example the videographer I'm now desperate for!

    How on earth do I broach the subject of asking them for the cash? Or do I just leave them the details like everyone else, and hope that they book?

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    You just give them the info along with everyone else and if the PILs dare ask 'What about our accomodation?' then just laugh it off with a 'Pfft, we're not millionaires y'know.....'

    Besides, they have 10 months to start saving, dont they Smiley smile

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  • lovelygirl
    Beginner August 2011
    lovelygirl ·
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    We are paying for our own and thats it! IF they can't afford the hotel you want surely there are other cheaper options available????

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  • Little Madam
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    Little Madam ·
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    Thanks for helping me put it into perspective - this forum is amazing for that!

    I feel so rude telling them to pay for their own, don't know whats wrong with me!!

    But I am going to just not mention it now, and give them the details Xmas time, same time as we tell everyone else.

    I also hate that my mom was right.. gah!!

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    Y'know it made me think, I think we were going to pay for my father and his partner as they were already renting an apartment for the 2 weeks that they were down, then staying in the hotel for the actual night and I dont think we did pay for the room at all!!!

    Now i feel really bad about that.......

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  • Little Madam
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    Little Madam ·
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    Aw bless you - I'm sure he would have mentioned if it was a problem?

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  • ajdown
    VIP September 2011
    ajdown ·
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    Not at all - you're already shelling out somewhere round £100 a head for them just to attend - if you take into account the cost of the wedding breakfast, evening reception, drinks, photographer, entertainment etc - and I wouldn't dream of asking someone else to pay for my accommodation for them to attend their wedding so I wouldn't expect anyone else to do it for mine.

    In our wedding invite pack, we list the deal that the hotel do for wedding guests, plus details of 3 local Travelodges if people want a more basic option, plus details of New Forest Tourism for details of other B&B's, campsites etc.

    We've put a map and travel instructions in the pack too. You wouldn't expect to cover their travel costs too would you?

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  • Little Madam
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    Little Madam ·
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    We did that too AJDown but we didn't even give parents invites as we kind of assumed they would attend.

    I would never expect anyone to pay for us, and thats why my moms upset.

    She, my step dad, brother, brothers GF and baba, my uncle, step sister, step brother, other step sister and BF all come down for a party to welcome OH back from Afghan, they said it was hosted by OHs parents and they wouldnt dream of asking for someone else to pay for their rooms - they didnt even consider it..

    ..right I am going to have to take action...

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    he wouldnt have as hes a proud man...but a proud man with no money......... nowt I can do about it now of course... I also said I'd pay for the taxi to collect them from their place and then take them to the hotel and I dont think I did that either!! Oh bugger!

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  • Little Madam
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    Little Madam ·
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    Aw well thats 2 god things to come from this post - maybe you can do something about it now you've remembered? He may not accept cash (If he is a proud man) but you can always find a way to help.. Assuming you have the money of course.

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    You didnt give your parents invitations???!!!!!!

    oh thats sad, Smiley sad parents like these things as keepsakes........... they might even be offended that you didnt........

    also, you dont need to tell you mum shes right.....just mutter casually down the line 'when we thought about the costings we thought it wouldnt be acheivable....' shows you THOUGHT about it but didnt act on it....... thats all she needs to know Smiley smile

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    I dont have the money - out of work - and my daddy lives on the Islands so little i can do from here......wanted to go visit him but the cost of travel is extortinate and hubby cant get time off work..

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  • woo-woo
    Beginner
    woo-woo ·
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    We paid £1500 to have exclusivity of the hotel for the night of our wedding, this included 10 rooms and hire of the restaurant and two lounge bar areas, our wedding was a Thursday and we were very aware that people had taken two days off their work to attend so we wanted to make everything else about their trip as hassle free as possible, if we had had a bigger wedding we would not of done this as we simply could not of afforded it but as it was we only had 25 guests there, 3 of which travelled home afterwards as they were close by and non drinkers. It was lovely to all have breakfast together the following morning aswell, swap stories etc, like a mini wedding celebration again.

    I say if you want to, can afford to and you think it will appreciated go for it, I'm glad we did.

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  • Mrs Bass
    Beginner March 2011
    Mrs Bass ·
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    Our venue comes with 10 rooms so we are putting the bridal party up mum's, BM, CBM, ushers and BM's & my god parents, all the people who are playing a very important role in the day (just so happend that my brothers are giving me away ad OH's Bro in law is an usher so our siblings are part of the wedding party)

    my mum has very kindly offered to pay our venue costs and that she is happy to cover the accomodation costs for the saturday night as they all 'have a job to do' on the day. we have decided to also have a dinner on the friday for just these people at the venue, OH & I are paying for the meal as a thank you and we have been offered the rooms at a discounted price but we are telling people that they have to pay for them selves on the sat.

    OH still is keen to pay for BM & CBM and mum's (this list keeps getting longer!) but the majority of people have said they are more than happy to pay for themselves especially as the sat night is covered!

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  • Mrs Bass
    Beginner March 2011
    Mrs Bass ·
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    Ooooh and with regards to the invites, my brother got married a couple of years ago and went along the "i know mum is going, she doesnt need an invite"

    and my mum went mad! Ironically, i know that if they had just sent her one she probably would have gone mad as well for being treated like another guest! te he he! (I know, i have all this to come!) I think im sending everyone an invite! like Teehee said, its a nice keep sake!

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  • Little Madam
    Beginner
    Little Madam ·
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    Well invites have yet to go out - but they didn't get a STD - they know the date!

    I guess its personal preference. Mom hates clutter / mess / paper = dust etc.. and MIL would put it down on the table, put the TV guide on top, kids drawings on top etc etc and it would never be seen again. My uncle gave me his back - said he'd loose it by the time the wedding came and could I give it him 3 months before. Which is so "him" haha

    I do see what you mean though, my dad and his wife might well have kept theirs.. Eek.

    learning so many lessons today!

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  • B
    Beginner September 2011
    blueeyedgirl ·
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    We're not paying for anyones and all my friends and family are travelling from Manchester to Belfast. Noone would expect us to either I dont think, we've just given people plenty of notice and tips of where to stay etc

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  • freb2reh
    Beginner July 2011
    freb2reh ·
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    We are paying for ourselves and a family room for OH sister. They don't have a huge income and too be honest I think she slightly loaded the gun when chatting to OH and saying that they had another wedding next year they were also trying to save up for and how expensive all the petrol would be (Sheffield to Portsmouth and back). I think OH felt obliged to pay allthough I also know that he feels she sometimes takes advantage and doesn't seem to realise that he also has to budget, as do most people. Personally I thought it would of been good manners for her to at least of made an offer to contribute. OH would have still covered the cost but an offer would have gone down well I think.

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  • BumbleBrat
    BumbleBrat ·
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    We wont be paying for anyone's. Most people will just go home as the venue is about 40 minutes from where I grew up, where most people will be travelling from. I'm hoping the bridal party will stay in our hotel, I'm sure they will.

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  • atlonglast
    Beginner November 2010
    atlonglast ·
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    We are not paying for guests either. Its well known that we are only having a small doo and family that have decided to attend have booked holiday cottages for a week. They are coming to the Isle of Lewis from the Midlands. Well except H2Bs parents and older brother, they are staying at mine.

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  • jubileebride
    Beginner June 2012
    jubileebride ·
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    I was thinking of paying for the bridesmaids to stay over the night before but to be honest I would rather spend the money else where. Do you think it is cheeky to ask them to make there own way to the hotel on the morning to get ready?

    x

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  • Little Madam
    Beginner
    Little Madam ·
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    I dont think thats cheeky no - presumably they would be coming for the wedding anyway?

    I have told OH we need to "discuss" this tonight... poor h2b!

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  • jubileebride
    Beginner June 2012
    jubileebride ·
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    Good.. Our venue is nearly £200 a night so it would cost us a fortune. I am staying over the night before and then we get complimentry on wedding night.

    Most people are 20-30 mins max from where we are getting married so they can make there own way and decide if they would like to stay or not.

    Yes you shouldnt have to pay for them, spend your money on something else you both want x

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  • A
    Beginner April 2011
    Angelgirlie ·
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    We are only paying for our room. I wouldnt even consider paying for anyone elses tbh

    You are being so nice and generous but I would feel slightly taken advantage of, thats alot of money to pay out on top of paying for a wedding. My family are coming from cumbria so about 300 miles and some of h2bs family are ocming from france. But (this may sound harsh) if they cant afford to come I would be fine with that and understand but I would not pay for anyones hotel room.

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  • froggy29400
    Beginner October 2010
    froggy29400 ·
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    We are not paying for anyone!! Over 100 people are travelling from France/Kent/London/South Wales and we're getting married in Somerset! It didn't even cross my mind. I think if people want to attend your wedding they can sort out their own accommodation.

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  • Storky
    Beginner May 2011
    Storky ·
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    We get 6 rooms for the night before, and the night of, the wedding so will be putting up the bridal party. We're paying for my dad's hotel room nearby, those of our elderly relatives and for an apartment for the ushers the night before.

    We want to keep the cost of attending our wedding to a minimum where possible. If we have more cash nearer the time we'll try to extend that to some others.

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  • tinks269
    Beginner February 2011
    tinks269 ·
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    Our room is included as we are getting married there. OH family who will be at the hotel will be paying for themselves whilst my parents are paying for most people who are coming on my side - this is their decision though not mine.

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