Why can't I make this decision.

I'm quite honestly disgusted that your husband has put this on you and hasn't manned up. It shouldn't even need thinking about, of course he should come with you, and he should bloody well be doing it without trying to make you feel bad.

However, in your shoes, I'd be telling him I hope he trips and breaks a leg at football then I'd find someone else to come to the hospital with me.

My flabber is honestly ghasted.

If there is no-one else that can go with you, then I'd ask him. If it was the other way around, would you give up your hobby to be with him when he wanted your support?

Its only one day and its not as if you can change the date so I think its just one of them times he should suck it up.

?

That's a bit unfair of him to push the decision on to you like that. Is there anyone else who can go with you instead? I think I would opt for that and then make sure that he is incredibly doting in the evening and waiting on you hand and foot.

I agree with HH - football or being with his poorly wife? Good grief...

I am the same as HH...abit shocked really!

In some ways I would let him make his own decision, and hope he made the right one. It sounds like he would just go to the football though.

Do you have anyone else that can go with you? tbh I am not sure I would want someone there that hasn't the heart in it if that makes sense!

You shouldn't have to make the decision for him. You should be able to tell him that you want him there and he should make up his own mind. If that involves football, can he find a work around to be there for some of the day with you too?

TBH, I wouldn't expect there to be much of a decision and would be furious if it was turned back on me.

Blimey, what Hole said. I love my football team, book holidays around home games and the like, but would certainly miss a game - willingly - if someone wanted me for something like that.

I would definitely tell him to shove it now though.

Oh Dear Lord... If I was in your shoes and I told Mr S I was going on that date, he'd straight away say "OK do you want me to come with you?" Even if he had The Single Most Important Footie Match/whatever that day, he would still be willing to drop everything and come with me.

To hear that your OH has put it all on you makes me wonder, it really does. Surely if this is a long-term back problem, he would know how much pain you've been in surely? So to hear that your appointment has Finally come through should breathe a sigh of relief?

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with HH. My gast is utterly flabbered! ?

Hope he makes the right decision...

The only other person that I'd want there would be my best friend, but she's due to give birth this saturday, so I can't ask her ? Once his mum finds out, she won't be happy that he's not coming with me, so I'll leave it to her to tell him off. He'll need a lift to football in the morning, and I've got to be at the hospital for 8.30, so he'll aks his mum for a lift and he'l have to tell her I'm going into hospital. The thing that worries me is that I was nearly admitted the last time I had it done, as I had some complications, and I'n scared of that happening again.

Ruth, seriously, I know that everyone's relationship works differently and we all have different limits - but waiting for his mother to tell him that it's not ok?

Read your posts objectively and think about what you'd say to anyone else in your position.

Ruth, am I right in thinking this back problem came about form a sneeze you had or am I thinking of another hitcher?

Anyway, by the by...... I too am gobsmacked that he expects you to make the decision for him. What a total cop out on his part.

Lotsa love to you as I can only imagine how scary it must be for you x

I'm with HH and the others on this, I'm disgusted that your H would even make a choice! I really think that's part of being a partnership that you are there when the other person needs you, especially for things like hospital visits. There are things I'd happily go to alone but if I ever asked my H he'd be there for me and I be furious if he chose football over me!

I think I'd be having words with your H!

I am with HH too - no way my H would put footie before his wife in this manner , you poor thing

xx

Actually, tell him to ask the females at his workplace what they think he should do, then let him get back to you. Pfft.

WSS.

Hmmm. I'd be quite happy to attend a hospital appointment alone and wouldn't expect my OH to spoil his day by being with me. But clearly you don't feel the same, you want him there and he should drop everything and be there, without pulling a guilt trip, as others have said.

Yup, thats me.

If this pain relief doesn't work they are looking at major surgery to replace the disc, which I'm shatting myself about.

I'm sure he will make the right decision, we've had numerous arguements about prioritising life/football, so this isn't a new arguement for me, hence me 'giving up/in'. Football is really the only thing he does, he's not out every weekend with the lads or on the PC or Wii all the time, it's just he eats drinks and sleeps football, that asking him to miss a game is a really big deal for him. I'm not making excuses, I know what he should do, but giving that he is totally devoted to me in everything else I can't make a big deal out of this.

At the very least could he not miss playing football in the morning but (presuming you are back home from the hospital and ok in fromt of a good dvd or something) go to football in the afternoon. that would be my suggestion in that situation but this really should be his suggestion not yours.

if it was just an appointment, I'd go on my own, and have done in the past, however it's an epidural and joint injection, I was in theatre for an hour last time, and has complications afterwards, and he knew how scared I was then.

I've just spoken to him again, and he's asked me to change my appointment. I've told him I'm not doing that.

Okay, I'm getting angry with him now! It's not like you thoughlessly made the appointment for a day that wouldn't suit him, you waited months and were allocated a slot. Football can happen any Saturday.

I would have replied with: I'd rather issue you the divorce papers! ?

OMG he's being so unreasonable- stand your ground!

xxx

WEES said - I don't see where there is a decision to be made...........surely he would attend for moral and physical support?

Grrr. Tell him to sod off. I'll come with you. Selfish git.

Would he actually be in with you or waiting around outside? I feel a bit like Sophie - I'd probably be happy to go on my own if he had other plans (or in our case, so he could look after our children). But I think I'd expect him to give up one of the matches at least - probably the morning one so he could give me a lift to the hospital, if nothing else.

If all he can do is sit around and wait for you, I'd rather he was enjoying himself TBH. And I'd also expect him to drop everything if needed. But I mean NEEDED.

H was in hospital this week (rushed to A&E on Friday), and I came in as and when I could, but I still had other committments that required fulfilling and I did so accordingly. It was boring enough for him being in hospital without dragging me in as well (and to be fair, once he was admitted, I was restricted to visiting hours only anyway).

WE(veryone)E(lse)S

I cant beleive he is chosing football over you in theatre, and more to the point asking you to change your appointment

Ive just tried to change a date for one of my hospital appointments which is currently on 2nd July this year and the next nearest one they had was September so its not easy to change them - does he realise how hard it is to change them?

I can't believe he's asked you to change the appointment! Does he realise how much pain you're in currently or how painful and upsetting having an epidural can be?

Grrrrrrrrr, I want to open up a big can of Whoop Ass just for him.

I'm with everyone else and am shocked at his behaviour, I would give up something important to me to support a friend through something like that not even a partner.

I'm also guessing your best friend is more than willing to accompany you despite it being her due date.

I'm really shocked that football takes precidence over your mental and physical health and wellbeing

?

I think having child care issues and other commitments is totally different. Plus, if you are scared and want moral support then I think your husband/wife/partner should be there if they are asked. Sometimes you are happy to go to things alone but other times you need someone with you. Football is not a good excuse in my book, it's on a par with "Sorry darling I can't com to the hospital I have a game of squash planned" Or "Oh no I have a lunch booked with a girlfriend", all really lame excuses!

What everyone else said really. Leaving it up to him Mum to tell him off, in my opinion is not a good thing either, telling him off in addition to you, fine, but to dump it at her door is not fair on either of them.

Your husband needs to get a grip and priortise, you have concerns and worries why you need him there, which I think you need to share with him. After that, if he is still not prepared to make the decision to be there on the day for you, then it looks like you will have to tell him what you want, sometimes it is about spelling it out to get your needs met.

Hope it all goes well for you and your husband wises up. xx

I am extremely cross on your behalf (even if you aren't!) It's not on mate, it's just not.

SB and I had only been together four months when I had to have my wisdom teeth removed under general anaesthetic. He took two days off work (operation was in the afternoon), came to the hospital to collect me, took me to his home and looked after me for the next four days straight.

There shouldn't even be a question of whether or not he will attend.

You can't make the decision because it's not yours to make.

He only has 1 wife whereas there is more than one football game... My OH is right into World of Warcraft online and would be on there all the time if I let him but he wouldn't bat an eyelid if I needed him to do something for me, he may grumble but he wouldn't make me feel really guilty about it.

J

I m taking a different view but thats due to my outlook about all things medical. i dont see that his request to move the appointment is that unreasonable tbh, unless it means a long delay of course.

i m with sophie as well in terms of going to appts alone, but i appreciate everyones different - just that i m not entirely sure what he can actually DO, since he cant come into the theatre with you. can he not drop you off and pick you up?