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Beginner May 2009

Why do we end up arguing when talking about the wedding

Damiana, 28 January, 2009 at 17:19 Posted on Planning 0 7

Ok, we are coming up to the 3 months point and have a whole load of things to do!

Thing is that every time we start to do the list of what we need to do, we just end up arguing. Last night he said that he was fed up about hearing all about the wedding, and everytime we do, i tear strips off him when we are just trying to get a list together.

Thing is that i've done almost everything myself, without him doing much input. Now i'm not saying that i want him to do lots and lots, but we need to make a list and then decide what he will do......which i'm not sure will be a lot.

I've got a great CBM and mum in law, but i'm sorry we have to make decisions, and when i say, lets get them to do X Y or Z, i get told, no, dont its not worth getting them involved, we can do it ourselves.

Now i wish i could afford to have a wedding planner, and take this away from me, or alternatively, a mum that actually takes some interest in my wedding, rather than changing the subject to my neice every time i'm on the phone to her, but thats a whole different story.

I'm sat here at work, and kind of dreading going home, coz i've got to make this list and i like to make quite detailed lists, whereas H2B doesnt, and i need to write it, but it seems a daunting task ahead of me.

Gonna cry all the way home now..... (will only be around now for about 10 mins and then off home).

Dam xx

7 replies

Latest activity by diamondsragirlsbestfriend!, 29 January, 2009 at 08:20
  • AliLindsey
    Beginner November 2009
    AliLindsey ·
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    Oh no! Don't cry!

    Maybe you could write the list yourself then show it to your fiance?

    I hope you can sort something out!

    xxxxxxx

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  • D
    Beginner May 2009
    Damiana ·
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    I do keep trying to, but need someone else that knows whats going on, to bounce the thought process off. and plus if i go to him with 100 things to do, he will be all defeatest about it Smiley sad

    i'd rather just cry at the moment and i just cant be bothered, just feel its all a bit one sided......is this normal?

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  • boogiebelle
    Beginner August 2009
    boogiebelle ·
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    My OH can be like that too sometimes and I don't think he actually appreciates the things that need to be done and how long they take.

    The only way I can get him to talk about the wedding properly is by actually designating a time for it and not just putting him on the spot. Like the other night when we were having dinner, I mentioned some wedding things and he said that we would talk about it the next night after dinner. Why, I don't know, but it seems to work for us. Maybe that's worth a try.

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  • K
    Beginner February 2009
    kelly_070209 ·
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    Sorry cant do much to cheer you up, but if it does make you feel slightly better im in same boat, sat here in work nearly in tears cuz im so mad, dreading going home.

    I again feel like I have done it all on my own and now less than 2 weeks to go I still am. Dont do a me & lay down & take it, stick up for yourself & get him told. I also been told you should set yourself one or two nights a week, where you have time together without any wedding talk at all...you never know he may be more inclined to hlep out.

    Hope u get it sorted & feel better soon

    Kelly

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    My OH is one of those blokes who cant make plans. If he wants to go for a meal at the weekend, he decides ON the day, which has been a bit difficult since he met me as he realised I need to be included in decisions. The thought of preparing a wedding a year in advance was totally alien so I just got on with it and wait for him to mention something. When he did I'd get my two pence worth in!

    now as it approaches he's getting to the 'switch off stage' which I find odd, lolol and frustrating so I've written him a list which I will give him in due course, of everything HE needs to do, right up unitl the day. That should freak him out Smiley smile

    i'm sorry you're having argie-bargies about it though..... I hope you both get through them Smiley smile x

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  • debs1701
    Beginner
    debs1701 ·
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    Any room in that boat!?!

    My h2b is the exact same, no interest, ignores me when I bring the subject up, isn't interested in discussing anything etc etc etc...although he did choose ourt photographer (his mate) and the photo album (the most expensive one he had!).

    This will be his 2nd marriage and from what he told me he didn't do a thing for the 1st one either, he didn't even propose! (didn't propose to me either but it was either get a ring on my finger or I'm gone situation, so he got the ring on my finger).

    I sometimes think that it's a bit too far away for him to be enthused about the wedding but in a way I'm glad that I have been left to get all the major things sorted, I love organising things, it keeps my ind occupied but at the same time I would love for him to at least ask how things are going but he is so wrapped up in his on little world that nothing else is important.

    Try not to be like me and keep it all in, I could cry at the drop of a hat with how frustrated I am because I have asked him to one one thing (from last year) and he still hasn't done it giving me all the excuses under the sun...try and talk to him to find out why he is being that way.

    I hope you get it sorted ?

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  • S
    Beginner May 2009
    scorpio ·
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    I know exactly how you feel! MY OH hasn't really helped me with any decisions, all he has done so far is pick the venue for our reception party as we're going to Gretna to get married, I've had to decide everything else on my own. We've only got 3 months to go and I still can't get him to even make a list of who he wants to invite to the party and he's not got a clue about what he wants to wear yet either. It's got so bad sometimes that I've been in floods of tears threatening to call everything off. We eventually sat down and we agreed we would talk about the wedding on certain nights only as he felt all I went on about was the wedding and the planning. We eventually had to agree that we would discuss the wedding on certain nights/times as he felt all I went on about was the wedding and the planning. I've found that this has really worked well for us and I can even get him to help with some of the decisons and we're even starting the guest list this weekend! and the best bit is we've stopped arguing over daft things.

    I would just sit down with him and explain how sad your feeling and that you would like some help.

    I hope you feel better soon x

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  • diamondsragirlsbestfriend!
    Beginner May 2008
    diamondsragirlsbestfriend! ·
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    Damiana how did it go? I hope you didn't cry too much and you managed to get the list sorted and come to some agreement on things.

    My H2B and I have also argued lots about the wedding and finances etc to the point where last October I was considering just us 2 going off and getting married somewhere without the whole big wedding melarky. Glad I got through that stage now though cos really it wasn't what I wanted. I agree with what others have said about setting aside certain times to talk about wedding stuff, would that help you and H2B?

    My H2B and I are very different in our style of thinking and how we approach things and I think this is what has caused us to have so many arguments. It certainly hasn't been easy letting go of my way of doing things. Don't know if that is the same for you.

    Anyway hang in there cos its not long to go now and on the day I'm sure it will all be worth it!

    Cx

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