Why does death bring out worst in folk?

Sorry for your loss. ?

So sorry for your loss - these sort of events bring out the worst within a family ?

What a horrible sounding situation. I don't want to read & run - but don't have anything constructive to add. Families are odd things, as is grief. This too will pass. ? And I'm sorry for yours & Mr Magic's loss.

Mrs M, I'm sorry you've lost someone you love, and I'm glad MrM and MrsM Senior have you there with them.?
There is nothing you can do but try to rise above it all - how you judge yourself is all that matters, and nothing that is said or done now will take away what was between you and your grandad. (He is your grandad, that's what marriage means, joining your families as one)
I know that it's easy for me to say, hard for me to do - but try to be the ducks back, and let the water just run off, yes?
And rant here to let it out, we'll listen ?

So sorry for your loss Mrs Magic ?

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
The situation with the other relatives doesn't sound like much fun. I hope the next few days are better than you imagine at the minute.
?

Oh, Mrs M, so sorry to hear about this. As if the loss of someone you love isn't bad enough, stupid family issues just make things worse. I think you can only ignore them as far as possible. there's nothing else to be done. Daft gits.?

L
xx

? I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know why family deaths bring out the worst in people. I've never worked out why funerals suddenly make individuals think it is all about them - when, if they are alive to complain, it clearly isn't about them.

One of my siblings became little short of a jackal in the wake of my father's death. She started stealing things (that were never my fathers) from our step-mother's house. She also took advantage of the general grief to swindle Dad's children out of his most significant things. (We could see it happen but we were so grief-stricken that we weren't interested in stopping it.)

I guess it is guilt, insecurity and greed that drives most of it. That, along with selfishness and immaturity.

So sorry for you loss ?

Mrs M I'm so sorry they're making things even harder for you, but you're right, death does bring out the worst in people. Horrid isn't it?

I can only hope that in a few days (or maybe weeks) someone will look back and say 'Crikey, where would we have been without Mrs M, what an absolute rock she is.' You may not get that from the extended family, but those who matter and count will know it, even if they don't say it to you. You're worth your weight in gold m'dear, and people like you are few and far between. You said to me before that you 'just did it because it didn't occur to you not to.' Well that's typical of you, lovely - always putting someone else first. Just wanted you to know that you ARE appreciated. ?

Thank you everyone. ?

I lost three of my grandparents as a child and the other at 20 so I have enjoyed having him in my life. We didn't see him all the time as he was a very private man who hated fuss, which is why I suspect the other 3 siblings and 8 grandchildren didn't see him as they thought he didn't care but he did, he just showed it differently.

I'm learning the art of ?

He was such a lovely man who has spent the last 21 years wanting to be with his wife again. He has his wish now and I bet he's the happiest man, wherever they are.

This is him with our priest/friend at our wedding.

? to Grandad Charlie.

So sorry to hear of your sad loss

So sorry Mrs M for your loss, hugs to you and Mr M (and Mrs M senior)

It is hard when things like this happen - Ive seen it in action and it made my mum quite upset when she found out over a year after my grandad died something my aunt (mums SIL) had done not long afterwards.

It upsets me when families cant get on in times like that

Hope the funeral goes OK (well as well as funerals can) and the situation doesn't get any worse for you

Cant believe that people didn't know who you were though

quote:Originally posted by Lumpy Golightly
Mrs M I'm so sorry they're making things even harder for you, but you're right, death does bring out the worst in people. Horrid isn't it?

I can only hope that in a few days (or maybe weeks) someone will look back and say 'Crikey, where would we have been without Mrs M, what an absolute rock she is.' You may not get that from the extended family, but those who matter and count will know it, even if they don't say it to you. You're worth your weight in gold m'dear, and people like you are few and far between. You said to me before that you 'just did it because it didn't occur to you not to.' Well that's typical of you, lovely - always putting someone else first. Just wanted you to know that you ARE appreciated. ?

Oh Mrs Magic, I had a lump in my throat and then I saw the photo which really set me off, I'm sure it is one you will treasure forever.

I'm just glad he had you and Mr M and the others who cared and loved him and took the time to see him etc.

So sorry for your lost at this sad time?

I'm so sorry for your loss Mrs M ?

Death certainly does bring the worst out in people sometimes. It'd make your hair curl if I told you what went on when my Dad died [V], so I understand the hurt you're going through ?

Hope the next few days aren't as tough as you fear they might be ?

Oh Madge, as if it's not hard enough already. I think this sort of behaviour is sadly quite common in these circumstances. Terrible. [V]

Madge, you're one of life's good people, you really are. I don't know many people as kind, patient, giving and honest as you. Your husband and your MIL know that about you, and so did Grandad. That's all that matters, sod the rest of them. ?

Sorry for your loss. ?

Oh poor you, it sounds like you're having a rough time.

Families can be distinctly odd, yes. My granny on my dad's side died when my mum was pregnant with me. When my grandad had a stroke and my parents cleared out his house her jewellery came to our house to be kept until his death (he was in a PVS for 5 years) and then distributed between my mum, myself and my female cousin.

After the funeral they were invited back to look at stuff. The only item I was interested in was a little engagement ring which had been her granny's. It fitted me perfectly (I have very small hands), no way would have fitted my aunt or cousin. I put it down for a milli second and when I turned back it was gone. I even said 'Where's that ring gone, I put it aside' but neither of them responded.

My mum said after that she put a couple of items she wanted in her pockets (sentimental things she remembered my granny wearing/though my dad would like her to have) and that she saw them take everything that would be of value and reckoned they would be selling it all. I'm still narked, not that I knew my granny but it would have been nice to have a family heirloom and no way would I have sold it!

Hey ho, you live and learn and I'll know for next time. You're right that death brings out the worst in people though ?

Lovely, lovely Mrs M, I'm so sad reading your post. Lumpy managed to articulate beautifully what I was thinking while reading it, ie that you've done a sterling job for the people most important to YOU; Mr M, his mum and grandad. And that's what really matters. Dare I say it, the animosity from the rest of the family maybe be partly attributable to guilt or regret on their parts?

Will be thinking of you over the coming days ?

Sorry for your loss. ?

I'm sorry to bounce this but I have just been reading the rest of the replies which I wanted to thank you for. ?

Dopper, I love shoes, Peaches and Spacecadet, I'm sorry you all had to experience things like this first hand. ?

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this ?

I have some experience of loss, and of all the things that go with it [V] - if you need an ear just PM me. ?

Sorry to hear that Mrs Magic. People can be gits.

My family were once involved in an unseemly scuffle in Bexhill on Sea over the family jewels [V]

Oh Mrs M. ?

It's going to sounds like a cliche but you have memories. You have memories of Charlie that nobody else will have because they didn't bother. They might have some possessions, but I guarantee that they know and you know who has the real treasure.

?

It's too late for them to get what precious memories you have, so they are clutching at the idea of getting another way to remember him. ?

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss Mrs Magic ?
And I'm sorry for the family troubles at a time like this, sadly as everyone has said, its just all too common. I think guilt is a large factor in it.

I'm so sorry for your loss MrsM ?

So sorry for your loss Mrs Magic ? ? ?

I am so sorry to hear your loss.

When my grandfather died we all rushed to his house and his girlfriend had already gone round the house with yellow post it notes on all the things she wanted!

She also said that she didn't know where my nanas wedding and engagement rings were (she had died a few years before). we later found out that she had sold them at boot sale!

I hope that the next few days go okay and that your MIL manages to follow all his wishes.

W x

Mrs Magic, so sorry to hear of the los of someone you thought so much of, it sounds like you were a very important person to him. No matter how hard it is, try and make sure his wishes are carried out. Your MIL has your support and that of your H, she will be gratefull for that. ???

I'm so sorry for your loss MrsM.
I know its hard for you to see what is going on now, but you have your lovely memories of Grandad which is more than what they will have.
xx

I'm so sorry for your loss Mrs Magic??

My Nana died in similar cirumstances. Before she died she always said that she wanted all her granddaughters to have a piece of her jewellrey, I chose a diamond engagement ring.

The day after she died two of my aunties went to her house and cleared it of all her belongings that were of any value including her jewellrey. None of her granddaughters got the item of jewellrey that she said we could have as the two aunties took it all but never owned up as to who had what. I am still annoyed about it nearly 2 years down the line as she wanted me to have that ring yet they took it upon themselves to take them anyway.

???? I am sure that your MIL appreciates your help and support at this terrible time, take care of yourself and Mr M ?