Why is it....

I know exactly how you feel! Out of the 71 potential guests for the 'day' precisely 8 are friends of ours. The rest are relatives and people our parents think we should invite, despite not having met some of them or having not seen them in 10 years!

Oh no this is horrid and it happen so many times so you're not alone. What starts as a generous offer turns into a hideous bargaining chip and suddenly the mum is the bride and it's her day and the couple are left wondering who stole their wedding!

Without knowing the temperament of your mum I can't suggest the right way to handle the situation but it's a situation that does need to be handled because it will just snowball.

How far into your plans are you? X

OMG midlandsbride2013 that's awful! Is there any way you can take back control of this?

xx

It's pretty awful but seems common - when I got married the first time it seemed that there were more relatives than friends - 2nd time its the other way round.

not that I was blaming my mum on this.. would love her to be there nagging but she'll be there in spirit.

Yep just a mothers way isnt it. My mum said the guest had to be exactly 1/2 my family 1/2 my OH family... I was like umm what about friends and she said take them out of his half. Ummm no mother ... I only have 3 friends comming as was have 70 to invite and have very large familys ( OH is one of seven)

Oh no, that's horrible. I hope that she realises that she's upset you and doesnt push it.

We made a stand very early on and said we would only invite people we'd go out for a drink with, sober!

I think it is all about sitting down with the parents and having a discussion about it With our wedding still a year away we have a few more months to sort out a guest list! Our friends will be able to come the evening though which means we will be able to spend time with them then, having spent the day part with relatives.

We are expected to invite 3 uncles ans 1 aunt who don't bother with us..just to keep dad happy.

Thats exactly why me and my OH are planning with minimal input from parents. We've had family members booting off because of our guest list, we have 24 guests (and a possible plus one) and thats literally just some siblings and our parents. All we get is 'You have to invite (insert name/relation here)' Even if they don't normally socialise with us! Makes me so mad.

The first time I got married (many years ago lol) my mum and dad paid for the reception and we ended up having friends of my mum there that I didn't know because "she had been to their daughter's wedding". This time my OH and me are doing it all olusrelves and only inviting thnose we really want to be there, regardless of wheteher they are a relative or not. I was talking to my mum recently about what happened with the guest list at my first wedding and she didn't even remember, even though she wa so difficult and adamant at the time. Try talking about the situation calmly with your mum. Perhaps she will remember something similar about her own wedding and realise how you feel? Good luck x

The first time I got married (many years ago lol) my mum and dad paid for the reception and we ended up having friends of my mum there that I didn't know because "she had been to their daughter's wedding". This time my OH and me are doing it all olusrelves and only inviting thnose we really want to be there, regardless of wheteher they are a relative or not. I was talking to my mum recently about what happened with the guest list at my first wedding and she didn't even remember, even though she wa so difficult and adamant at the time. Try talking about the situation calmly with your mum. Perhaps she will remember something similar about her own wedding and realise how you feel? Good luck x

I spoke to my mum about it today actually. When I explained that very few were our friends she was quite understanding and suggested some day guests that could be moved to evening only, giving a few more spaces for friends. Only issue is the ones she moved are my dad's relatives! It is quite complicated as my dad was adopted and only recently found out about his 'blood' family so whilst he obviously wants them there, we have only met them once!

This is where I feel quite lucky. Partner and I are planning all of our wedding, although we have had financial help offered here and there from various family members and relatives who are photographers offering to do photos etc. We have arranged all of our guest list ourselves. Although we had it finalised, we have added people to it and it has slowly increased.

With all due respect what in the world is going on? Old enough to get engaged and get married but not old enough to decide who comes to your own wedding? That's just ridiculous, your an adult, im sorry to say you need to grow some balls. It can be hard to stand up to your parents but they've had their day and now its yours, and regardless of where the money is coming, everything down to the finest detail SHOULD be what you want. If my parents wanted to dictate who came (wouldnt mind adding more people if numbers allowed it but if they told me certain people couldn't come), because they are paying for MY day, i'd rather pay for the day myself lol. Well we are paying for our day, but you know what I mean hypothetically speaking

We decided early on we'd rather have people there during the day that we actually want to spend time with, not relatives we havnt seen in years. I could tell my future MIL wasnt too happy about it but its tough - its OUR wedding day, not hers (OH has 10 cousins from one uncle alone!!) We're paying for it ourselves and inviting everyone else to the evening. A girl at work got married 2 years ago and said her biggest regret was allowing their parents to steamroll them into inviting every tom, dick and harry. I'd say stay strong, put your foot down and only have the people there that you want - you don't want to look back at your wedding photos in 10 years and wonder who the hell was in your photos with you!

I can't believe this! That's so unfair on you. We booked ours for just over a month after OH's dad's 60th, completely accidentally. We did offer to move it forward a year as OH has a lot of family in Scotland who are travelling down for our wedding, so we wanted to save them having to come twice and pay for places to stay in such a short amount of time. OH's dad refused to let us do that so our wedding still falls on our anniversary and he's not having a party for his 60th now. As a surprise I think we're going to do something for him on our day. Maybe bring out a little birthday cake for him and he will obv be thanked in the groom's speech for being so nice about it. I hate hearing how awkward some people's families are. Mine and OH's would all bend over backwards to do anything they could for us, and know that we would do the same back x

I have to say I agree with this. There is absolutely no way I would allow my parents or OH's parent to tell me what or what not to do with regards to OUR wedding! If you have only have 8 friends there and the rest are prople you've hardly met then that's your fault! You're allowing that to happen!

We're paying for our own wedding, my parents have helped with little things but if I ended up being a "guest" to my own wedding day because parents were dictating who were coming because they were paying, I'd tell them to keep their money and I'd save up to do it my way.

My issue isn't so much my mum taking over the guest list o the extent that none of our friends cancome. It's that they don't get on with my future in-laws and some of the people they want to invite, despite the fact the ILs are not contributing.