Why would you do it? (Rant)

Hey Emily,

What a nightmare, Don't want to add to your stress and its none of my business but do you think it would be better to say something before the big day. I'd be really embarassed about refusing somebody on the day....and it might spoil things a little. But then I'm a stresshead! It would be in the back of my head for the next 3 days......

Anyhoo - rant away!!!! ?

Personally, I would contact him to say that you're just checking he's all sorted. Have a general chat about the wedding. Say you're just being a but paranoid and confirming everyone for the last time. Make a point about mentioning who is sat either side of him and who else is on his table. If it comes up that he is bringing a friend, then you will have to say that you haven't allocated a space and you're really sorry but at this late stage it's not possible due to numbers. It may be that the other person has it completely wrong and the other person is just turning up for the evening which i don't think is a problem. The more the merrier for that part. You really do need to find out though. The other person may not know they aren't invited and it could be really embarrassing for them. Plus, if you dont have a OTD or equivalent you or your hubbie will have to sort it out on the day and you just don't want to be doing that.

Good luck

Ruth

x

I would feel really awful turning somebody away on the day. i would tell your friend what you have heard and just say its too late and the guest wont have a meal. or see if u can squeeze one more in?

Hi,

Could you ring them up and say that you've heard other people are a bit confused about bringing a guest and that you're ringing everyone to clarify that guests have not been allocated places and anyone not on the table plan won't be getting a meal etc? That way you can make the situation clear without getting anyone in trouble.

I think some of our guests are a bit confused because we've only invited people we know to the whole day (everyone at the day will know each other) but said they are welcome to bring a guest in the evening. I've got a feeling that unless I clarify with them, a few extra people may show up to find there's no meal available or place for them to sit!

Ali :o)

I have written this reply 3 times, absolutely gobsmacked!!!!

Is this uninvited guest a partner/girlfriend/boyfriend of your invited guest, or just a friend who you didn't want to invite, and why not tell you, how do they expect to be fed......... can you not delegate this to your best man to sort out,

think ayceeuk and finesse have got the best idea, just have to make sure you ring a few of your friends so his not the only one who received a phone call though

I know what you're all saying, however when H2B spent about an hour talking to the guest we'd actually invited last night, he didn't mention anything and when H2B mentioned the guy he's supposed to have invited, he still didn't say anything.

The guy he's invited was never a close friend and hasn't really been in contact in about five years. He's recently added me on his facebook account as a friend and I sent him a message to say hi. He didn't reply. I've been putting a countdown to the wedding on my status updates and he's never mentioned it. If someone can't even be bothered to say hi on facebook and hasn't been in contact for five years, I won't feel bad about telling him we didn't know he was coming and there isn't a place for him.

He's not a partner, just someone we used to hang out with a bit seven years ago. We've not seen him in five years. We have frequently said in front of several of the guys that they can't have a guest for the day, but can bring someone to the evening.

I have no idea why they'd not tell us, but as they've specifically told another friend not to tell us, then I'm not going to organise him a place at the day or feel bad if he turns up and there's no meal for him. I just can't believe someone would think that was ok!

I wonder if someone got their wires crossed or is pulling your leg.

There is no way anyone in their right mind would bring a friend, let alone a boy / girlfriend to a wedding without being invited first....surely.

I understand what you're saying but do you think it will be you telling him or someone else? I'm just thinking that maybe you won't have time to worry about things like that (and i think if possible, you should try to sort it out before the big day...the last thing you want is a scene!), and whilst it may not bother you telling this guy that he's not invited, it's possible that someone else will be tasked to do this for you, and it may well make them feel extremely umcomfortable.

I know that I would be mortified being either the recipient or the giver of such news....

On another note, do you think maybe the firned who told you might have got the wrong end of the stick? It may well be that that other guy isn't going to turn up at all?

Is it possible the invited guest thinks it will be a nice surprise for you if he brings this person along, and that's why he told the other friend not to say anything? Perhaps he thinks after 5 years it will really make your day? Obviously that's not the case though, and I really think you should say something beforehand.

Maybe they are doing it as a surprise for you.

Or maybe the uninvited person doesn't know they aren't actually invited, which means they may be mortified when there isn't a meal for them on the day, i mean what are they going to do while all the other guests are eating?

I think you need to ring the person who has invited the uninvited person and just ask them outright, it will stop you worrying and having any embarrasment on the day!

x

I see your logic and that's the only reason I can think of, however given that we pestered a lot of his friends for replies telling them we need exact numbers on the day, you'd think he'd realise he just couldn't bring someone. I'm going to get H2B to say something. Maybe even if we just asked if a relative could go in his car as there'll be a spare seat and check who he's traveling with.

I'm not sure how they could not know they're not invited as they'd expect to recieve an invite, or for one of us to at least mention it! I'm going to have to get H2B to speak to the invited guest and find out what's going on, but if he's so keen for us not to know, there's no guarantees he'll admit to H2B that he has invited someone.