Will a hospital tell you if someone is about to die? sens

From my own experience, I'd say it doesn't sound too good. however, there could be other reasons- they may need to operate and if she doesn't have eth requisite capacity to consent or otherwise, they may be seeknig family views on that, or a number of things. To ber honest though, it's rarely good news to be called back ASAP. Sorry. ?

In my experience, this is hospital speak for 'not long left' or there have been complications. Sorry ?

Oh dear. Lou's right, it might be to give consent to something - will be hoping everything's ok for you all ?

Thanks for your insights Lou. I agree that it doesn't look good. Perhaps it could be something else that you suggested?

Ugh. TBH (am I a heartless moo for saying this???) - she's 92, and has lived independently and without illness all her life, so I'd rather she did go quickly than this be the start of a lengthy illness that will ultimately end the same way.

Sorry - just wanted to thank all of you for your kind words - your responses all came at once! I guess I will just have to wait by the phone now for the next couple of hours.

Thankfully my OH is working in Leeds today (is usually 50 miles away) and his office is a 5 min walk from the hospital. I have told him to stay put and not come home until he knows what is happening.

WEES. Sorry, sending vibes to you and your H (and family) ?

x

Sorry to hear all about this?

Ugh, sorry to bump this, but I am trying to find ways to pass time. John managed to speak to his dad just as he arrived at the hospital. A message was left on PIL's answer machine to come to the hospital asap as Gran is very poorly. Oh noes ? Poor Hettie ?

John has gone to the hospital now, and is with his parents. I offered to catch a cab over, but he wants me to stay here. I think that's the right thing to do - the three of them are Hetty's only family.

? I am sorry to hear this. As you say, though, for her to die now would be best in many ways.

Sorry to read your sad news Flissy ?

Hope your husband's Gran passes without pain and peacefully

WEES

When MrR's mum was ill the hospital called his dad and told him to go up right away, and so he called the 4 children who all went too. She did last through that night but died the next day.

? for your OH and his family.

I'm afraid that, whenever we've had a call like that, it's meant that someone had very little time left ? I'm sorry to hear that she's so poorly.

Should I ignore them and go over to the hospital anyway? I feel like such a useless numpty and want to be there for the family ?

I'm so sorry for dumping this morbidity on you all. I can't get through to any of my family to speak to.

I think if they'd wanted you there they'd have asked. Do you want to be there? How far away are they? I'd probably think I would be more use staying at home and being ready to provide a shoulder to cry on/hot meal/strong drink later on.

Oh Fliss. ?

I agree with Sophie but I also think if J calls you with news to offer to go straight away (I'm sure you would anyway) as sometimes people think they will cope better than they actually do and he might need a hand to hold.

Please don't feel useless, just offer to do anything and everything you can and I'm sure you'll be much appreciated.

?

WSS

When MrR's mum was ill MrR asked me to go to the hospital and although I did, I felt like I was intruding on his family's private last moments with his mum. If he hasn't asked you to go, I'd stay away. He maybe doesn't want you to see him getting upset. ?

Also, on a related note (although our situation is a bit different as we live with in laws), the day H's grandad died last year, I went off to Tesco unprompted and bought stuff to make sandwiches, cakes and bisuits, tea bags, lager and whisky so that there was stuff for visitors. Would something like that make you feel a bit more useful if Hetty does pass away but H says not to go? I took on cooking for everyone too to make sure the all ate at least one meal a day and did so again when is aunt passed away two weeks ago, just passing in meals that could be reheated (lasagne, cottage pie etc) and I know it really was appreciated.

?

John's on his way home. His mum and dad are staying with her until, well, whenever really. I've asked if he'd like me to make tea, but he wants to do it himself (he likes to control things when upset/stressed).

I guess it's just a waiting game (awful cliche), but as I am crap with emotional stuff, I will certainly make sure that I am on hand to offer practical assistance wherever possible. It's so hard to get the balance right.

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice, everyone. Apparently, she looks very peaceful. ?

We went through similar with my Grandad in January. It is an awful 'waiting game', he was in hospital for tests anyway, collapsed on the Saturday morning, passed away the next Tuesday morning, and was very up and down in between. It's not nice, but I will eternally be grateful for us all having those last few days with him, and that he was still in good spirits until the end. It was very hard for us all to see him in that state, and we know he didn't like us seeing him like that, and he got his way by going early in the morning when no-one was there.

FWIW when the time came we (I stayed round my nan's that night incase we got a call like this) got a call at 7am, and just told to get to the hospital asap, he had passed away at 6.50am. Having seen him the night before, I don't think there was much scope/time for him to go down hill and us get enough warning to get back there in time, so didn't hold it against the hospital at all. We also had a call to say to get there asap on the Sat morning, then another call Monday evening saying the same. He died early Tuesday morning. So it doesn't necessarily mean it is that news if you do get a call.

?

I'm glad (as you can be in this situation) that she is peaceful.

Hope John is ok when he gets back

I'm really sorry you're going through this

So sorry you are going through this, nothing useful to say but here is a ? to you and your OH and his family