wording in wedding invite - please help!

I like it,but your going to get others that don't.its better to ask because otherwise you may get gifts you dont need or want

Thanks. ?

I know, I don`t really know what to do - I feel like it is the done thing now to ask but I also know people get a bit miffed.

We have owned a house together for 4 years so we have everything we need really! I guess my only other option is to just not say anything and hope people consider that we have most stuff we want already! ?

No i would give them out,its worded fine.and family and friends will want to get what you want.i would be happy with that if i recieved it

Always a hot issue whenever it's raised.

On one hand, it's apparently considered rude to ask for gifts - but on the other hand, every wedding guest expects to get you a gift. One book says it's rude to mention it in the invites, yet says it's fine to refer people to your wedding website where you have a gift list - which makes no sense to me.

As a guest, I'd prefer some guidance as to what the couple want - whether it's a gift list of some kind, or a simple request for cash/vouchers. For example, we need a new washing machine. The chance of one person spending £200 on one as a wedding gift is remote, yet it's entirely likely that 10 people will give us a £20 Argos voucher - enabling us to buy the exact same washing machine.

There's nothing worse than having to fake appreciation for a gift you don't actually want or need, then having to find space in the loft/shed/spare room/garage for it before sticking it on Ebay to get rid of it. Not very nice from the guest's point of view either really.

Other cultures, giving money is not only normal, but expected - and some have a special part of the evening where the bride and groom go round each table and guests pin envelopes of cash or a cheque to the bride's dress. It's only here in the UK that we seem to have some strange aversion to asking for money when it's really the main thing we want.

There is a certain school of thought that says if you can't afford it you shouldn't have it - which to an extent I can agree with, but if what you really need is money towards the honeymoon (presumably for eating out/day trips/etc) then I don't see that as any different from providing a traditional gift list with a toaster, set of glasses, hoover, saucepans etc etc on it.

The only thing I would warn against is paying out for something in the hope that wedding donations cover the cost (ie paying for a honeymoon on a credit card and hoping to pay it off before the due date) or for spending money because you've got literally nothing left to go on honeymoon with - because that's just silly, and every chance you'll be disappointed - whereas if it's "extras" then that's a different thing

Thank you for your thorough reply! We would be using it for extras not the whole thing. Although, my fiance has just said we should be using it towards new stuff in the kitchen as after the wedding we plan on redesigning and sorting out our old kitchen...but I wouldn`t know how to word that! Which is cheekier?

There should be degrees available in wedding etiquette! :-)

In all these things, it's always best to be open and honest. You want a new kitchen? That's fine, it's certainly something tangiable and useful, rather than say money that's just going to be spent paying the next gas bill and car insurance because you fancied buying a new telly.

Unfortunately there are so many different ideas and interpretations about 'proper wedding etiquette' you might as well not bother, because only we know how our guests will react to certain things at our wedding, and what happens fine for one will be a disaster for another. Don't stress though because it'll happen on venue, time, date, your choice of dress, invitation wording, the food you choose, the entertainment you use, the amount of alcohol you do (or don't) choose to provide, having or not having a free/subsidised bar etc. You have to weigh up the pros and cons between you based on how you know the people coming, and you'll usually find you get it right - and most people are too polite to tell you anyway if you didn't!

Maybe you could give people the option? Say it's either honeymoon money or towards the new kitchen fund, and ask them to specify which they'd like it to go to.

However, be prepared for a small amount of people (often elderly relatives) who will insist on buying you a gift rather than what you really want, so it's good to make a list of low to medium value items that people can buy you if they insist on not giving cash towards either of the above.

Thank you so much. I think we will put both down. Like you say, it is best to be honest! Thank you!

We have found this .... OH grandparents insist they buy us something even though we have everything we could possibly need! So now have to think of small items people can buy us. Everyone else seems fine with cash donations. You won't please everyone. I think your wording is fine