Work grumble *BT mention*

I don't know a lot about fertility treatment but I would think that certain procedures have to be carried out at certain times of the month. (I may be wrong).

Regardless of the above, I really feel for you. I used to cover PPA sessions and trying to take a class without planning is a nightmare. It was hard work and very stressful and that was just working in a junior school. I can't imagine having to do this with secondary school kids. Especially at this time of year when they are all on edge about exams.

I would have assumed the same about the times, except she told us that she was actually able to select the date for this particular thing.

I may be wrong, but I think it is the implantation at the end of the week if her check ups throughout the week have been OK. So basically she is going to sort of sit around for a week crossing her fingers that everything is as it should be and then on Friday afternoon she will be going for the main thing and hoping one of them sticks and stays in. I do get this is a hugely stressful time for her, she probably does need to be very calm and sedate to give everything the best chance, but there's no excuse for ignoring requests for her to do a bit of blinking work before she goes off.

Regardless off the reason, It's a scheduled absence so planning should of been done.

I think your fully justified being annoyed. It is a planned absence , fertility treatment or not she should have planned suitable cover.

My friend who is also a teacher had treatment, they said the same she could choose when she went so she opted for the school holidays, her GP sort of overruled her and said no, you'll go as soon as you can and not wait for the holidays. So she may have been in a similar situtation. This still doesn't excuse that she hasn't left adequate work, that's rubbish.

Sorry to sound insensitive, but she really should have put her school kids up there on her list of priorities. It's really not fair on them to leave them in the lurch so close to exams when they no doubt need the support of their teacher. I can imagine a few parents not being happy with her. Having said that, I understand that she has the treatment on her mind.

To me it would depend how long the absence had been planned. If she had time to prepare, she should have. End of.

It could be a case of she is playing down the treatment she is having and actually it is far more invasive than she is letting on to her colleagues. If she is have the 'implantation' bit on Friday, that suggests, she had her egg collection about 5 days prior to this. This is a procedure under general anaesthetic, or heavy sedation, and involves puncturing the wall of the vagina with a needle and catheter, between 20-100 times (depending in how many eggs they collect and the skill of the surgeon). She may well feel battered and bruised after that and want to be well-rested before the embryos are transferred back (the implantation bit). I think anyone would want to give themselves the best chance of this treatment working. Most places in the country only get one go.

Also, someone who has had fertility issues, may well be putting their future family above their job/career. Sometimes priorities change.

And lastly, you tend not to be able to plan when you want treatment. If you're private you can suggest when best to start, but after that it is a 'how long is a piece of string' question depending how quickly or slowly your body responds to the down-regulating drugs (10 days up to several weeks) and stimulating drugs (1-4weeks) so planning a week of AL isn't the easiest to time!

However, if like you say, she has managed to have this week in the diary for a long time, then she should have planned. I'm not making up excuses for her, just explaining why people may tread carefully when fertility is mentioned. It is not only almost impossible to plan, but also a heart-wrenching process to go through.

Until I read ducky's reply I was ready to feel completely on your side PB. However if she is having the procedure that ducky has explained that might wxplain why shes been a bit lax in her responsibilities.

However that doesn't entirely excuse her not preparing anything and then being completely vague when you have specifically asked. I'd have thought as a teacher she would have a natural sort of instinct to try and help her students as much as possible too

Having just had IVF treatment, I can honestly say it was one of the most stressful things I have ever gone through. As Ducky said she may have only got one funded nhs go, like I did. You don't get a choice when you take it. I also had the egg collection and was in a lot of pain afterwards, you are also waiting to hear from the clinic every day to see if your embryo has made it through another day. I am sure she wouldn't have meant to leave you with lots more work, but when you have been wanting a baby for so long, fertility just takes over your life.

Thanks for explaining it a bit more folks. The way she told us was she would be sitting about doing nothing, so perhaps I wasn't clear on how important this stage is. Usually she gives us the gruesome* details of every step of the IXY (?) procedures but maybe not this time.

It is a huge issue for her, she has been trying to get pregnant for a year and I know this is the most important thing to her right now and has been for a while. It's just that we have all been behind her every step of the way doing everything we can to support her, and when it comes down to it, basically she has had this time scheduled in for ages and just not been at all arsed to sort her lesson plans. The rest of us would get into a lot of trouble for leaving things in such a state.

Grumble over anyway, once this week's over I will go back to being her loyal and supportive friend!

*Gruesome to me because sperm samples, mucus and needle sizes over lunch isn't always the topic I want to discuss!

I can see that its a PITA but, reading as an outsider I'm wondering if this is a bigger deal than she's making out? It could be a pretty crucial stage and doesn't want to admit or want the pressure? If it doesn't go to plan she wouldn't have to deal with questions etc? Just a thought

Usually every single thing in her life is a HUGE deal and if she has so much as a paper cut we all have to hear about it and sympathise for ages. Though she is a lovely person, she is also one of these people who talks herself up at any available opportunity, if you have experienced something she has experienced it ten times worse, if you have achieved something she has done it ten times better. Maybe now it has come down to something that actually matters she has become a bit more introverted about it, though it isn't like her not to seek out the attention.

I hope this doesn't sound to insensitive but all teachers by law should get 10% of the weekly timetabled teaching time set aside for PPA (planning, preparation and assessment).

I understand that IVF is a very stressful process but if she was at work last week she would/should of had her PPA time to sort planning for the following week.

Yeah she definitely had it, she has extra free time on top of that as well so regardless of what stage of the IVF she is and if she needed a week off or not, the planning should have been done.

I feel mean moaning but at least I can vent it here with a range of opinions to balance me out rather than upsetting her by snap replying at her when I get another of her vague emails. Thanks folks.