Working with people you despise

What's she done to make you despise her?

I'm in this situation. I dislike 90% of the people I work with, but totally dispise one person. Ijust totally block her out. lI just try to keep my head down and ignore her, keep walking if she's in the kitchen etc and come back later. I don't speak to her about work unless I really have to, and keep it short, I can't stand to be anywhere near her. It must work because she was off sick one day (one of the reasons for my feelings) and I didn't even notice she wasn't there.

I think that's how I'm going to have to be. In general, I am friendly and chatty with everyone but she is just an ugly person. She is a know-it-all, tries to tell me how to do things despite me having worked here 10 years longer than she has. She has just asked me to turn my music down despite it being on the lowest possible setting on my computer. Other people have their music on and she's not said anything to them. I feel like she is attempting to bully me if I am honest and I am not going to let that happen. I've been bullied in work when I was younger and it's just not going to happen again. She is not senior to me but acts like she is.

I work with the person Matt Lucas must've based Vicky Pollard on. She's appalling at her job, constantly talks on her mobile phone and talks with her mouth full (which is the worst!).

I have to have my iPod on constantly if she's in.

Oh and she laughs like MUTLEY!

I used to work with a guy who irritated the hell out of me. I wouldn't say I despised him, he was actually very sweet, but he seemed to have a real issue with reading social cues - he would witter on endlessly, talk over and interrupt people, talk about the same things over and over, etc. I just sort of developed tactics for dealing with him - I took to physically ducking down behind my monitor in an attempt to signal that I didn't want to talk! However, bullying is a whole different issue and if it's getting into that region, I'd talk to HR.

Maybe bullying is too strong a word.

I used to work with someone I couldn't stand to the point I had to walk away when she was around. She had to be the authority on everything, if you had a real story she had a bs made up story to top it. She would come in half way through a conversation and start talking over you. She made sure you knew who she knew, and apparently she knew everyone, I think it was a bit of a scare tactic. I used to block her out and only engaged in conversation with her if I absolutely had to, wouldn't take my breaks at the same time as her so I didn't have to sit in the staff room with her.

You have just described this woman to a tee.

If she told me to turn my music down I'd probably just turn it up! ?

I've just been having a 'chat' about her with some colleagues and it seems I'm not the only one that feels this way. She has told someone else off for eating at their desk.

What job allows you to listen to music?? So curious, if in open plan office.

I worked with a women who I absolutely despised, but she was a bully and the worst person I have ever come across. I tolerated for about 8 months, had a breakdown at work, confided in the boss she was bullying me and then she was gone, but sounds like a different situation to yours, so not much help.

I've had to do this in the past and I know it's difficult to ignore someone that massively winds you up! Ignoring them and trying very hard not to let anything they do affect you is the best thing to do (but I know I didn't find it easy though). Also, I don't know if the person is vindictive too, but if she is, making it look like she can't get a rise out of you or wind you may help with things like only asking you to turn the music down. And do the minimum friendly thing in front of people (so she can't try and tell other people you're being rude/funny with her), but ignore her the rest of the time.

We are a team of PAs if such a thing can actually exist (I have my reservations). When I say I have my music on, I can honestly only just hear it myself, it's not like I've got a ghettoblasta on the go or anything.

Music on really low would annoy me more than just on normally, perhaps that's what gets her goat. We aren't allowed to listen to music, but the guy behind me does through headphones, and the hissing and beat of it is really, really annoying. Far more so than if he just listen to it.

We have the radio on on Fridays, except if my direct colleague is in as she can't stand it and says she can't concentrate.

Could you use headphones so she has nothing to complain about?

She would have asked me to turn it up not down. ? She said it was too loud but I challenged that she could even hear it from her desk. I can hear other people's music and they have not been asked to turn theirs down which is why I feel like she is targeting me specifically.

I work with/for someone I despise.

How do I deal with it!??

I started by moving my PC monitor further over so I can't see her face. I leave work the second it's 5:30pm and I only talk to her when I absolutely have to.

Oh and I've just got myself another job which is fantasic for me anyway but by an amazing coincidence leaves my soon to be ex-boss / ex-friend completely up poop creek.

I sympathyse though. It really is awful to work with someone who you hate. I don't know how you deal with it and I suspect it can't be easy... So far 4 people (5 including me) have left our very small company of currently 6 staff members in the past year because of this girl. Our office is like a revolving door of staff. The only people who haven't left whilst I've been at the company for the past 2 years are the two owners!

I totally understand where you are coming from. I hate my so called boss, she has had no management training and it shows. She tells me how to do my job, tells me what to say on emails. Interrupts me when I am talking to another person, says if I am talking to another person for more than 1 minute then she will interrupt me. Basically it's harassment. We have had several fall outs, tried talking to her boss and she doesn't want to know. I am even thinking of starting my own business as I can't stand it any longer. I often go for a walk, to the toilet to calm down. Don't feel like your alone, I would start applying for other jobs x

I used to work for someone like that, l feel your pain! She was so hard work! If l used my initiative she didn't like it but if l didn't then she didn't like that either. I used to arrive at work before her, leave after her and wasn't off every other week with sickness yet she used to query how much work l got done?!

Going back to the original question then l would ignore them wherever possible. Try not to think of them or even have to see them. I know that is easier said than done though. Lots of gritted teeth might be required. It is hard with work people as we all spend so much of our time at work these days plus a lot of people don't realise how annoying and out of order they can be!

Yesterday, I got told by my manager that "someone" had been to the HR Director to complain about my timekeeping. It was her. I wish I had the guts to just have it out with her.

Don't have it out with her, it would just make the situation worse. Keep a dignified silence, and let HR have a word with her. Hopefully they will say she has no grounds for saying those things about you, and that a grievance will be raised against her. Try and let them deal with it.

I couldn't do it anyway ATB, I'm far too chicken. She's trying to be nice to me and I just feel like shouting "F*** OFF" directly into her mean face.

Panj do you have to clock in and out electronically? If so then there will be no issue as they'll be able to see you've been getting there and leaving on time.

Definitely don't have it out with her, chances are she'll deny it anyway.

Time will tell though, she will get caught out. When they see that you are working the hours you are supposed to it will make her look like:

1) a liar

2) a trouble maker

Panj, I definitely feel your pain. May I suggest you document all of this and speak to someone? Acas were brilliant when I has problems. They'll support you to take a grievance if necessary. Good luck

I am currently making a point of saying when I'm in, saying when I am leaving etc. I don't think there is any need to take it further just yet. My boss is happy and the HR Director seems to think that it is very petty and he understands there is an element of give and take and flexibility in our roles. I think some people think that if they arrive half an hour early, leave half an hour late and work through their lunch that they will be thought better of. IMO they are just not working efficiently enough if they need to do those extra hours.

This. A friend of mine used to work for a well know French car manufacturer who said working extra hours either meant you were given too much work or you were not managing your time correctly...

How is it going Panjita?

TBH, I have started questioning my own sanity and wondering if any of the above actually really happened. She is being so ridiculously 'normal' and friendly with me. If you are going to be a trouble maker, you can't then expect to be buddies can you? I have tried to avoid talking to her unless completely necessary but she keeps trying to engage conversation with me and involve me in discussions.

Gads that's worse! She's either trying to get you on side so you no longer suspect it was her, or being nice to be extra annoying!

Or she's got a guilty conscience!

Panj are you sure it was her? If it is, I suspect she's playing games. She of course will be as nice as pie to you in front of others so people think it's your head. I would play along in front of people (so she's got nothing to hold against you). I've worked with people like this and it's a blimmin power play nightmare, sort you've got to deal with it.

Yes, worse than being a cow to your face!