Worried

Wow. That all sounds really tough- sorry I cant offer any support. I know nothing about kids, social services or anything like that but I hoe it all gets sorted Monday for you.

Didn't want to read and run. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope it gets resolved quickly.

The only advice I can give is don't move your daughter until it is all resolved - no matter how unsupportive you feel the nursery are. They and social services may well interpret it that you are hiding something (I know you're not) also social services will just contact the new nursery so that could cause problems for you there too. Get it all sorted then move. Good luck.

Agree with this. I can't imagine how upsetting it must be to hear that you've been referred to SS, but the nursery are probably just playing it very safe - they'd rather refer someone unnecessarily than miss something serious. I think your best strategy is to play the game - don't get too defensive or pull her out, just keep doing all the right things, and if possible keep evidence that you have done this e.g. physio/GP appointment letters etc. Hopefully it'll all blow over. Good luck!

Thanks for the input everyone :-) It's very hard to want to keep your child somewhere where you feel everything is being looked at and judged, but I can see it's best to sit and wait it out. At first when I spoke to the manager I thought it was just referring us for some extra support which is always welcomed, but when we spoken to social services i was shocked to hear their had been concerns and complaints. It is very upsetting as we are already finding this very hard having another child with potential special needs. I don't feel they understand as it's a mainstream nursery, It's upsetting seeing your daughter so behind everyone else. we were so fortunate with our son always being in special needs nurseries and schools. Sadly my daughter can't Be funded any special needs nurseries until we see the peadatrician. As far as I was aware everything Was ok this afternoon, I wasn't made to feel otherwise. I wish they could of at least asked me in to talk things through and answer a few of their concerns. I feel I have been in constant contact with them and have given every bit of info I can about my daughter. Her problems and the struggles we have. This is an additional stress we don't need.

So sorry you are going through this.

What a shame that the nursery didn't talk to you about this stuff, your explanations are all completely reasonable.

Try not to worry, I know there have been a few scary stories about Social Services in the press, but for every one of them there are tens of thousands of others wher the social workers hace been understanding, helpful, fair and reasonable. I used to work along side social services and so i know some of their practices and guidelines in terms of response time etc. The very fact that they are waiting till Monday to see you about this indicates to me that they do not have any major concerns. Despite the stress this is putting on you at the moment i think that this is likely to come to nothing. At best the SW may be able to direct yohyou to some more support with your daughters condition that you didn't know was available or didn't have access to.

i do think that the nursery was in the wrong to make a disclosure without speaking to you first, but i know it happens and especially since Baby P many professionals have been over cautious. Since this is now the position you are in, try to be patient with the process and take what positives you can ojt of it.

the best of luck and please come back tol let us know how you get on, or to ask for more advice if you need to.

Thanks yorkShire, that's helped to reassure me. I really thought communication between parents and nursery was important and should be the first port of call before escalating things to social services. I can understand the extra caution Social services take now due to massive mistakes and letting children down in the past, but most things I believe can be sorted Before the extra intervention. I have nothing to hide. I have written everything down that they mentioned in the referral email. I do hope everyone involved will give us a fair chance. As for the comment about me acting differently around my husband, I am very much looking forwards to hearing that one. God knows what she is thinking there.

I think i have sent you a pm welshsam. Let me know if you dont get it and i'll try again!

Thanks ddpunk for the pm. So lovely for you to take the time to pm me. I have no idea how to find or reply to your pm though. I could only read it through my email. Can anyone tell me how to find my pm's?

i feel a bit better today, have got all my sons reports together from the last 5 years to show just how similar both my children are with their problems and difficulties. They can talk to anyone and I doubt very much a bad word would be said about us or our children. Something like this has never happend before. We have a fantastic relationship with my son's teachers, all the proffesionals involved with him. Everyone always comments on our lovely home, how commited and how much effort we put into our children. I'm really saddened my daughters nursery aren't given us any support and just jumping the gun like this. I have been in the special needs systems with my son for 5 years now. I know what it is all about and what to look out for. I have raised concerns about my daughter and been very open about that. I never expected them to treat us like this. I have met my HV once for a home visit and once briefly in nursery and this is what happens. There is no way I can talk to her about further problems. Once my daughter is seen by a peadeatrician i will never have to deal with her again.

Fingers crossed the social workers will give us a chance and make their own mind up and not go by too much the HV has said. It still baffles me why she didn't see it was fit to raise these concerns and talk to me about them first and confirm her 'facts'

I am appauled Though how she has commented on my relationship. Can she even make a judgment after only meeting my husband once very briefly? Surely that is unprofessional? I am not sure what she is suggesting, but it sounds like she thinks he's someone who's controlling who makes me feel awkward or something even worse? Why be so personal? My husband is upset about this as anyone would be. She doesn't know us at all to make them kind of judgements.

I agree with y'kiwi. If your daughter is under developing its probably just raised a few concerns & it a formality (most likely a butt -covering exercise after all the bad cases in the press). As a professional (all be it not a social worker) you are advised to refer if in doubt. It sounds like they just haven't communicated this very well. In my line of work we have to refer to SS, often without consent of parents.

Try not to worry. I am sure it will be fine, just be open and honest with social services. As other's have said it may turn into something positive, as social services may be able to provide extra help or point you in the right direction. I have friends who have found social services very helpful and supportive.

Hi,

I work alongside/for social services in a different area to you.

Try not to worry too much, sounds like bad practice by the nursery to not have you in and speak through their concerns with you and certainly bad practice from the health visitor not to even tell you she had referred you. However unfortunately this isn't uncommon, a lot of professionals are often concerned but not open enough to discuss things with the parents which I find very sad.

As for the social worker they really are not there to do the worst as people think that all they do is remove peoples children. They will be able to offer alot of support and hopefully push these referrals etc for your daughter so some good could come of this. They will want the best for the children and will want to work with you to get that so really don't worry too much.

I second the not moving her though, they will only need to contact a new nursery and it will also look like you are trying to run away from it and hide something even if you are not. I would leave her where she is for now, you can also talk to your social worker about feeling that nursery are not supportive etc and the social worker can speak to them too about that. You will be able to have your say.

Then if you are still not happy its better to move her when this is all blown over and she can have a proper fresh start.

Hope that it all works out for you.

x