Worst FB status

An ex work coleague's status just caught my eye as it was updated about 2 minutes ago

'K & H had excellent sex last night, he totally blew me away'

Er, great, thanks for that. I've sent her a message explaining how the whole of facebook does not want to know what she got up to last night and I'm expecting a rather sarcastic reply, probably including more details knowing K.

Probably my bro waffling on about getting Holland in the work sweepstake.

So and so hates Emmerdale for making him cry (if you were a parent you'd understand)

?

One says Caroline is bored.

Not bloody surprising if that is all you can think to say.

Practically all the status messages that my youngest (22) SIL posts, they are written in text speak and make me cringe.

But the one thats really making me want to ? is:

"My son is 21 in 9hours & 50 minutes & i've just wrapped his pressies & made him a card arrh I love my boys."

Its sweet but still vomit inducing.

Chris is off to vegas in XXX days - and he changes it daily!! and its something like 14 weeks away I may have to cull

'Sean has found a bike....unfortunately its more of a *** than a crotch rocket.' - erm...okay

Euwww the sex one is baaad!

'So and so is a bit 'poked' out....lol'. Vom.

SIL gets an honourable mention for use of the word 'tomz' as in tomorrow. She's twenty fecking five, not 15.

Ooh I'm too nervous to post my worst ones in case the RL people see them. but they involve mind numbingly dull details of their baby. All the fecking time. It's like they can never post any update unless it's about their child.

there was also an infernally dull one about looking forward to having some porridge. There, I'll be culled now. But yawn. who cares?

The sex one is just so pathetic. It reminds me of posts on here that get shot down in flames about hitchers leaping on their husbands/boyfriends blah blah. So you're having sex. congratulations, whoop de doop. We don't all need to hear about it.

My sister and her boyfriend's messages to each other in their statuses make me want to vomit. "Cat is counting down the days xxxx" "Christopher is missing his little Kitten xxxx" Ugh, get a room!

"X has found the one - I love you Mr Y"

No dear, you are dating someone on the rebound and attempting to make your ex of 5 years, who you separated from just two weeks ago, jealous.

I'm in love with Genghis Khan,. I think that's a pretty bad status.

A relative of a close friend of mine has put those ridiculous hearts at the beginning and end of her status (like those twiddly twee things Confetti had and were added to usernames as a pisstake on here a while ago? Anyone remember? If not, I shall look like a bit of a twat! ?) Her latest one read "Soandso [twee heart] torn all the ligaments in her foot [twee heart] And, yes, she missed out the word "has" completely, which only made it worse.

To coin a phrase- sheesh! ?

But I like porridge, you cnut. And it made a change from the updates about the baybeh. [flounces]

I think the worst ones are when someone announces something pretty personal (but at the same time pretty boring) on there, such as when one of my work friends' status said she was going to the doctors for a blood test.

I've just culled two aquaintances for writing really quite bigoted things on their status - one about converting to Islam so he can get free money from the government, and another about giving men a kicking if they try to hug him. Nice.

oh dear, rumbled ? ?

I dslike the ones that are aimed at someone, but not stating who, like "I may be XXX but at least I'm not XXX or generally passive aggressive. Makes me slightly paranoid, and them look slightly nuts.

Perhaps try some porridge?

a school friend of mine had that just recently

This will probably get me culled but there are some classics on mine tonight:

B is thinking about making dinner

F is debating whether to have a bath or a shower!!!!

It makes my life seem quite interesting in comparison.

I know a couple who were having an affair and used to write 'messages' to each other..

E.g. X is enjoying reading fantasies / Y is feeling dirty

X is missing someone special / Y is gutted that she's stuck in the house

When they split up was the best - Y is playing on her Wii / X can't believe that some people can move on so quickly.

All quite vomit-inducing.

The 'best' worst one I had on mine was

'X wants to suck big hard c0cks'

classy!

Apparently psycho ex Mr Pundit does a nice line in these aimed at me, barely even thinly veiled! slightly unsettling to say the least. But - all they do is back up my story, were backup needed, that I married a cnut. My friends have all culled him now, thankfully. i can only imagine the poison he spreads about me, the vile little twerp.

I hate the never-ending baybeh updates too. Or the sick making ones - one of my friends (loose acquaintance only) puts that he is "missing his girl and loves her loads" whenever he works away from home - about once every three weeks. We.Get.It. ?

I don't know why it is but almost all FB status messages make me cringe. It's one of those things about FB that I just don't 'get'. Why would you feel the need to tell people that you just had dinner? Or that you are going shopping tomorrow?

Oh and I just remembered the very worst one I read which was on an acquaintance from school's page that said something to the effect that she didn't realise she went to school with such wankers. This was after she contacted random people she hadn't spoken to in many years to demand a charity donation.

One of my fb friends always has a really dull work related status - currently it's 'X is going to wear a skirt to work tomorrow'. Oh really? Well stop the fucking press. ?

And my cousin always has something impenetrable and too cool for school e.g. 'X is inclined to stoop down, hand out some beat downs...' and 'X, justice for believers.,'. Makes me feel old and irritable. ?

"X is going to have a very early night tonight"

"Y is grappling with budget statements"

"Z is at work"

Fark me, my fb friends are all dullards.

I like this game. Me and a colleague try to outdo each other occassionally with bad statuses (is that right?) but I get embarrassed and have to change them quickly.

There's a xxx is windy ... at the moment.

The worst on mine at the moment is " xxx hates facebook, its stoopid!"

I don't think any of my friends' ones are particularly bad - does that mean mine is worst?