Would you be hurt!?

Not really. I don't think you need to write a reason on an RSVP, but there could be a simple explanation, are you likely to see him or hear from him soon when he may explain why face-to-face rather than via a bit of card.

I would give him a few days to call and explain before you work yourself up about it - it might be that he filled the RSVP out in a rush to get it back to you and didn't read it back t see how harsh it might sound.

If he doesn't get in touch I would give him a ring and ask why, I assume you haven't had a disagreement or falling out? IMHO if he didn't want anything to do with you he simply wouldn't have RSVP'd.

I wouldn't necessarily be hurt by his inability to attend (though disappointed yes, I already know of one person who can't come to my wedding and it makes me a little sad to think about it) but the lack of explanation is very hurtful given how close you've described your relationship to be.

I'd give him a couple of days to call you or contact you though, he may not have realised how quick it would get to you and be intending to give his reasons for not coming personally, rather than just in writing?

If there is no explanation, yes I'd be very hurt and would also question the value of my friendship to that person. But do stay hopeful until you know something more solid!!

I wouldn't expect someone to write the reason for their decline on the actual card, but if it was a good friend I'd probably ring them to explain rather than just sending back the card with the box ticked, seems a bit rude really. I'd be upset too.

Maybe you could send him a text to say that you'd received the card and are sorry he can't make it, you hope everything's ok and see if that makes him open up a bit more. And if not then he obviously isn't that good a friend after all unfortunately.

I would so the above - and if he didnt offer an explanation I would ask was everything alrite between yous & assuming he says yes then ask why he cant come to the most important day of your life.

Can I ask did he receive a plus one? If he only got an invite for him maybe he doesnt feel he knows the other guests well enough & doesnt want to go by himself & didnt want to be rude and ask you if he could bring anyone?

If I couldn't make someone's wedding I would ring and explain FIRST and then send the RSVP, or at the very least include a card in with the RSVP with a bit of an explanation.

Even a text message? How long does it take to write a text!?

Wouldn't anyone? It's damn rude not to IMO!

I have sent him a text simply saying "Got RSVP, Thanks". I am not going to start questioning him. It's not my place to ASK for reasons for the decline, it's his place to offer an explanation. Since he hasn't then I am taking it really personally.

No he didn't. He is single and he would be on a table with people 2 friends he has grown up with who he knows extremely well, neither of them are bringing plus ones either.

Is there no possibility he could have ticked 'decline' by mistake? I don't know how your RSVP cards were set out so I don't know if this is realistic.

It would explain the lack of contact if he thinks he's accepted?

I think you're being a bit OTT - An RSVP asks that you respond with a yes or no within a time frame.. He's done that and you're not happy ? You don't have to give an explanation on an RSVP whether you think it's rude or not. I wouldn't take declines to heart, you are likely to get a few.

Aslong as your H2B turns up, you don't need to worry really!

Personally....I would be a bit miffed, HOWEVER....your friendship together has lasted 16 years and you've been through a lot together. He obviously has his reasons as to why he's not coming. His presence there isn't going to make or break your day, you're there to get married the the person you love at the end of the day.

I would ask why they can't make it and say i was looking forward to seeing them, but i understand that they can't come.

I have a friend that was coming until 1 week ago. He said it was due to a lack of money, so i even said i would give him the money for the day just so he could be there. He declined still. But......he just got tattooed on saturday, so it makes me think it wasn't the money but that he just didn't want to come.

It's no skin off my nose. I love him to bits and he's a good friend, but it's his choice at the end of the day and i'm certainly not going to argue over it, hold a grudge or stop speaking to him. That would be childish and silly. xxx

You know what, whatever his reason is, I am fine with that. What I am not fine about is the lack of explanation. He is the one I was referring to earlier who had ignored texts and messages I had sent him the last few weeks.

The more I think about it, the more upset I feel.

He has a history of being dramatic and loves being the centre of attention. It's almost like he is saying to me "this is not about me so I am not interested". He did the same for my 30th birthday. No card, no explanation. I should have f*cking learned by now.

I say let him get on with it. xx

Absolutely.

I have got far too many good things going on right now to get bogged down with the bad stuff.

I think if it were me I might be a little hurt. I don't see why he couldn't have written an explanation. If he didn't want to put it in the card he should have called you (if he is a really close friend that is) or something!

I agree with the others though, he may get back to you and say why.

I think you're overreacting a bit there....at least he has let you know he cannot attend. If you're that close to each other surely you can pick up a phone and make sure everything is ok?

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but I hate it when people instantly think something is wrong or their friendship is over when weddings are concerned... life does carry on. I had family members decline with no explanation, but I accepted it and it hasn't effected our relationship x

Quite frankly with your attitude to this and the birthday incident I'd say it sums up your friendship. Perhaps he has simply not got back to your texts or calls because he has other things going on in his life at the moment that he doesn't want to bother you with! The more I read, the more I get annoyed!

I think you need to take a chill pill. Nobody has to explain to anything to you and if you can't pick up the phone and ask him then that's your problem.

I think that you are over-reacting and that your reply was probably less than helpful and rather childish. I would have phoned him (texts are so impersonal) checking that all was ok... because that is what friends do! Even if it is an attention seeking thing, this behaviour is not new to you?

It may bother me that he hadn't called to explain first, maybe he has issues that mean he doesn't know how to tell you? Or maybe your wedding isn't top of his list. We tend to forget this in amongst all the planning.

I was a bit miffed last week that my friend hadn't sent back her RSVP yet, when I found out why a few days later everything in life was put into perspective...

Life is too short. Deal with it and move on x

IMO I would be pretty peeved off too.

Personally, if i was declining any invitation to a wedding or otherwise I would always give an explanation because I know it annoys me when people don't for me.

X

This post is so bizarre, it almost seems like a wind up! I'm sorry, but it's made me a bit cross.

I think you are seriously over reacting. Before RSVPing a decline, I personally would let someone verbally know I couldn't attend and expect the same, but unless you specifically ask for a reason (!), no one is obliged to give you the ins and outs as to why they aren't coming.

You have to remember that YOUR wedding is the centre of YOUR life, but it's not the centre of everyone else's.

Show me someone who hasn't done all the things you mentioned in the first para of your first post. That's what friendships about isn't it? You shouldn't expect anything in return. If you were such a good friend to this guy, surely your first reaction should have been 'oh no, I wonder if everything's OK' rather than throw your toys out of the pram and assume he doesn't want to be your friend any more. Perhaps something big has happened in his life that he doesn't want to burden you with at this happy time in your life. There could be hundreds of reasons why he can't come.

Phone him, find out for sure and then deal with it.

Would I be annoyed/ peeved or what ever you want to call it... hell no!! A RSVP is just that an answer to a question. We didnt include RSVP cards with ours and so have a collection of random cards some handwritten others the ones where you just cross off what doesn't apply. The ones which say they can't make it are just as precious to me as the others as they are still my friends. I haven't phoned or text them about their decline and I am sure that when I next speak to them they will offer a reason and if they don't it will be because they have forgotten. I am big enough and old enough to know who my friends are and not need reassurance from them.

Firstly, you've answered your own post when you mentioned his past behaviour. Secondly, he is still a man, gay or otherwise. What do you expect?! Thirdly, WTS about calling him, to make sure he is alright before jumping to conclusions.

I'm sure if I'd made some sexist remark about women, the usual suspects would have been all over the "report" button like a dose of salts.

OP, is it a church or registry office wedding? I know some gay people are sensitive about what they perceive to be some Church's teaching on homosexuality, and if you are having a church wedding could he have issues because of that, or because he can't have a church wedding himself? You've mentioned before that he's had issues before when he's not the centre of attention, and could these things be connected?

I can totally understand that you're hurt. If one of my old friends (whom I think I'm important to) declined to come to my wedding I would be really hurt and disappointed. Even if they have a good reason, they still won't be there on the big day... Ask what his reason is, maybe he really can't get out of some other committment. To be honest I have to admit that there are some very close friends that I do expect to be there, even if they have to push things around...

Oh lighten up AJ. Most of the men I know ( including Mr Ily) are useless at sending cards and RSVPs etc. They have wives and girlfriends to sort all that out for them.

I salute you AJ ?

Trickers, I'm assuming he's referring to the 'Report Abuse' link at the bottom right of each post??

Still not a dickie bird despite texts, calls etc (he lives 120 miles away so I can't even just pop round and see him).

But... I've found out he's blocked one of our other close friends on FaceBook now!? (he would have been sat at her table for the meal). She has no clue why... I am taking this as a possible reason he won't be coming.

Maybe I overreacted slightly at first by thinking he didn't want a friendship with me (maybe I am something of a drama queen too) but getting a decline RSVP with no pre-warning, following conversations about how he was looking forward to the wedding, I was really shocked. It's not something I would ever do, and I don't think I am asking too much for a friend to offer a reason or apology for declining a wedding invitation.

I am aware that our wedding is not the centre of everyone's universe. I understand that some people won't be able to make it and have accepted some declines before this one, each one with a "thank you for inviting us to your wedding, we are really sorry we can't make it but <states situation>." at the very least.

For those people who said they have had declines, with no reason or pre-warning and have not been bothered at all, aren't you even the slightest bit curious as to why they are not attending? Are you not interested that those people are not going to celebrate with you despite you feeling that they are special enough to you that you included them in the happiest day of your life? To me that is more odd than getting upset about it.

I've tried. When I texted a few weeks ago to see if he had his invite his response was simply "yes. Thanks.". I found it odd that there was no "can't wait" or "love the invtes" - no comments at all. So hence when I got the RSVP I texted "got RSVP, thanks" (plus I was so wound up with him). I guessing he'll tell me whenever he is ready but as long as he remembers I am not psychic, I'm hoping he realises it's not possible to be understanding about something I don't know about either.

Thanks to those who have let me vent and been understanding, I am sure we must all go through so bouts of stress on the lead up to our weddings. This forum is handy for a release of tension when required

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Thanks chick, I don't think I am asking too much of him am I?

I originally thought, if there is a reason which he doesn't want to tell me, he could have said anything (on holiday, can't afford etc) and I would have believed and accepted his reason but maybe he doesn't want to lie? I dunno, like I said, i am sure he will tell me one day.

I think a lot of you are being quite harsh!

I honestly think it is rude if a close friend declines and gives no explanation! I have yet to decline a wedding invite, but if I did I would always say why (no matter how close I was to the person). It is only polite!

Perhaps Angie is overracting a little about their friendship being over but I don't think that warrants some posters' responses.