Would you be offended?

What exactly did he say? How did he work "it" into the sentence?

I'd be well p*ssed off and I'd tell him so too - does he only refer to women like that?

I'd call him a cunt in return ?

He stroked my arm and my boss said "STOP THAT!" and he said "what, am I in trouble for touching it?"

IT!

Fcuking hell.

Yes, he refers to most women as "it" - this is the same bloke who made a "joke" about gang rape - as in, someone was pissing him off and he said "gang rape's too good for it" it being the woman who was being a bit thick.

Seriously

I need a new job.

Not an insult in this office. They use the term and then go "I could" and then sing a circus tune. This is an overhang from the previous boss - this was his reaction to being called a cnut.

I'd start referring to him as thing, and tell him taking it up the arse with a rusty blade is too good for him.

Chud.

Unbelievable, yes in this context I would be offended seething infact.

How does he get away with it?

Fucking hell, what a bunch of wankers you work with. I'd punch him instead.

He gets away with it because it is only said in our office, or within our team, and my manager is torn between being everyone's mate and being the boss. He's better at the first one.

I don't know how you work with them, it must be really frustrating (a bit of an understatment). He sounds like a right tosser.

He apologised straight away, but it's not the point really - he must think of me as "it" and just not say it. So apologising for what he really thinks (but usually doesn't say) slipping out by accident doesn't really do it for me.

And now he appears to be sulking with me. Fucking marvellous.

Ugh horrid man, reminds me of Buffalo Bill in "Silence of the Lambs": "It rubs the lotion on it's skin, it does this whenever it is told".

Creepy. It's like people referring to themselves in the third person, depersonalising.

Fuck me, Lilly, your colleagues sound horrific.

TBH, in your position I'd be thinking about making a complaint about the whole lot of it. I know this is discussed quite regularly on here and that most people agree that different levels of banter are accepted in different offices, it's better if one can deal with things oneself etc, but it sounds to me as if this is going way, way beyond that. Regular jokes about gang rape go way beyond banter (and anyway, isn't banter supposed to be a two-way thing?) You are clearly being made very uncomfortable and you shouldn't have to deal with it. We all know you're ballsy and quick-witted but that doesn't mean you should have to put up with what sounds bullying, frankly- stroking your arm and calling you it, wtf? If it's getting to the point that you're considering leaving, I would be speaking to whoever necessary to put a stop to it (whether that's your immediate boss, his superior, HR- whatever you think is right). If it doesn't stop and you feel you can't carry on there, I'd be taking legal advice if I were you.

I know it all sounds a bit serious and not in the spirit of the other responses on this thread but fu[b/]ck me- you work in an office where you're subjected to inappropriate touching, derogatory treatment and a barrage of highly offensive sexual jokes and comments, to the point where you're considering resigning. If the rules aren't there to protect people like you, who are they for?

I agree with SLD about Buffalo Bill. ((Shudder))

Do you like the job? I think some of his comments would be grounds for a formal warning in some work places. How do you feel about complaining officially? When he said " Am I in trouble for touching it?" did the 'it' just mean your arm?

You're not easily offended I know, but the gang rape comment would make me go cold.

I have complained to my boss. A is pissing everyone off - he stank of booze yesterday, we all thought he was still drunk from the night before. Boss has gone to speak with him. P, in my office, is being v. supportive and trying to make me smile, also agreeing that A is not behaving in an acceptable fashion.

Thank you all. I worry about being perceived as a humourless biatch. Sometimes stuff is said to deliberately get a rise out of me - that stuff is usually very obvious and makes me laugh, but this is on another level.

He came & apologised. He has now gone off in a sulk because I asked him to stop referring to women as "it" and to stop sulking when he knows he's in the wrong.

Yes I'd be offended. I used to work with a guy who referrred to women as either dollies or fillies which was bad enough (he was an older guy so I put it down to a generational thing) but there's something sinister about "it" - as if you're not a person.

When my new manager started, if he had a negative comment to make about a woman then he would refer to her as 'it' or 'that'. I'm sure he referred to me in the same way but never to my face. It's really shocking to hear for the first time, I'd never come across anyone who de-personalised women in such a way.

The difference is probably that in my case, my manager is actually really nice - it seems that he's from an environment where it's quite common to refer to women like that (nice huh!). When I pulled him up on it he didn't actually seem to know he was doing it - he even told his wife that this girl at work had told him off about it and she agreed with me! He's been my manager for nearly two years now and I hardly ever hear him speak like that any more.

If I had to work day in day out with someone who spoke that way and didn't see anything wrong with it I would have a serious problem, so I do definitely feel for you ❤️.

Bloody hell, what a tool. I'd certainly start keeping a note of when he is inappropriate. What a misogynistic twunt. Grrrr.

I would have gone off in a fishwife style and then stapled his face to desk. The fact that he is sulking show that he really does not think its wrong.

I'm glad you said something LTP. You should read back your posts then think what you'd say if it was anyone else posting and asking for your advice - there is no way you'd tell them to laugh it off.

Thank you all for your support today. I've decided to just keep my head down, not laugh at anything remotely rude and redouble my efforts to find something else.

? again.

I said similar before and was told it was an over reaction. I still think that this would be the right course of action.

However.... when he said 'it', Lil, could he have meant your arm?

He didn't mean my arm. "It" means a female.

As in "I'd do that, but it would have to make the tea in the morning"

I am really, really shocked by this, I don't think I could work in an environment where it was in any way normal to refer to woman as 'it' (and I know I probably come across as pretty po faced on here, but we have lots of banter in our office, I think it's pretty important).

I am with Knownowt

L
xx

<head above parapet>

Was he.. Umm... Ever in the forces?

No. Catering. ?

to be fair lumpy, when you said it, you said it immediately when lilly mentioned what her boss was saying. then it transpires that the banter was equal, and as such, your response (to that issue) was an overreaction. this however, is something else entirely, and i agree with knownowt.

what does that have to do with anything?

If you do leave, would you consider a case for Constructive Dismissal, or would you want to forget about the whole thing?

Forget the whole thing. I'm not a "suer", and besides, despite my saying "stop calling women "It" " for 6 months, it took my getting really upset for anything to be done. What's the point?

i guess the point is if its really got to you and is making/has made you working life untenable. then it could be construed as harrassment/constructive dismissal depending on the time you ve been there etc.

i dont think many people do take firms to tribunals tbh. i understand why - big drama, reference issues, future employment issues. its easier just to leave and get another job a lot of the time. its not as straightforward as "sue them, get paid out, move on". it can haunt you, as i know from a (female) friends experience. plus, when i was taken to a tribunal (on spurious grounds, it was purely vindicative), when she lost i made damn sure that everyone who i thought ought to know about it, did. not trying to put you off at all, but its understanable why lots of people dont take it further