Would you invite her? - opinions please

Hiya

I wouldn't be inviting her to the day if i were you and tight on space to be honest - i would send her an invite to the evening and if she queried as to why your other friends were invited to the day i would be honest and say that you dont feel as close to her now. I was part of a big crowd at university and we all kept in touch when we first left but now we all are closer to some more than others and i wouldn't be offended if some of the group were invited to the whole wedding and i got an evening invitation - i'd be happy that they wanted me to attend at all x

This may not be popular, but I would disagree with the previous poster and invite her. She may have lost touch a bit but this seems to have been at the same time she was settling down and starting a family - it seems understandable that she would be more busy that people who weren't doing that.

I had a similar dilemma with one uni friend (although I only left uni 2ish years ago). We were great friends at uni but since we left she has proved absolutely hopeless at keeping in touch and I've pretty much given up on her. We couldn't decide what to do about inviting her to the wedding, we were pretty decided we would only give her an evening invite but then when I thought about it a bit more, because we were inviting the rest of that 'group' from uni to the whole thing and because we were really good friends we decided to invite her to the whole thing. I'm glad we did as we had a nice chat on the day although I haven't heard from her since! but I think it would have been too much of a snub to only invite her to the evening. However, we were lucky in that we weren't really limited on numbers so it wasn't an issue adding her and her boyfriend to the day guests.

I'll go for the 'evening invite' option. I too have friends whom I was very very close to and have attended their all day celebrations but contact is limited to birthdays and christmas so an evening invite it is.

dont feel pressured into making decisions. I might surprise people with my choices but hey guess what, its MY choice. I'm sure you'll do whats right for ya both

Hiya, I think I would invite her to the evening do. We have a really similar situation with one of the girls I went to school with. There were 4 of us who were really close and as time has passed we are now scattered around the country. One of them I am still really close to despite living 200 miles away and is my bridesmaid, the other we keep in touch via text and phone and meet up when she is around and the 4th the others keep in contact with but I don't really. I have made the effort messaging etc but often get no response. the last time we went out together, half way throught the night she went off with another group so to me that says a lot.

We too are trying to limit numbers and there are people I am now closer to I would rather invite.

• She got married straight after Uni and I went to the wedding, but that was 11 years ago.
• with 'X' it was always me making the effort.
• haven't really spoken to her for some time.
• but again no contact since then
• one of the other girls organised a reuinion but she didn't come,
• I probably wouldn't be too bothered if she was there or not on the day

I think you've answered your own question! Personally I'd not invite anyone just because it might raise questions from other guests - its your day and this person is, if you look at it straight down the line, is going to cost you money to invite, day or evening.

On the flipside, I don't see why an evening invite is seen as 'second class' to a day invite to so many people - waaay too much emphasis is put on the rating of guests and whether they are worthy of being at your wedding or your reception.

Hope you make the decision thats right for YOU and your husband to be .... not your mum or your friends.

Its a little bit of a toughy,

the question is do you want to invite her? it doesnt matter what everyone else thinks. when are you getting married?

drop her an e-mail and see what happens, if you really want to invite her, invite her to the evening do. also i wouldnt invite her just because she invited you to hers. you can decide, do you want to invite her, do you feel you want her to take up the small space that you have or would you prefer someone else to come.

i know its no help but you are the only one who can make the descision xx x

I wouldn't invite her. For me a wedding is about celebrating a marriage with friends and family who have been involved in your life and mean something to you.

Don't invite her because your mum was surprised or because she was part of a group. Only invite her if you want her to be there. Weddings are expensive enough without having pressure to invite certain people who you aren't bothered about.

I'm not inviting quite a lot of people and if eyebrows are raised then so be it.

I wouldn't invite her to be honest.

She may be a little pissed initially but once she sits down and realises that she's made no effort to talk to you for years then she can't be pissed that you haven't invited her!

If you have enough numbers then invite her, if not I think you're completely within your rights to just invite her to the evening.

I'd say at least invite her to the evening do, it's better than her not being invited at all. It is only 1 more person.

I'm sure she hasn't not stayed in touch because she doesn't want to, I bet it's more about the fact that she has 3 kids to look after (thats alot for anyone to handle).

But at the end of the day it's your wedding and it's up to you who you want and don't want there.

Thank you everyone for the opinions, good to get another view point. I will mull it over a little more and think about maybe an evening invite.

If she's got three kids and lives an hour away then an invite for the evening might be the easiest option for her anyway ?

I was close to a group of friends at uni, there are some I invited to my wedding and some I didn't and as far as I know, no-one was offended. I know some of them have also got married and we havent been invited or only to the evening and it hasn't bothered me at all.

?

I had the same thing with a friend i was really close to at nursing college-i went to her wedding about 12 years ago and there were only 8 of us. I ummed and ahhed about inviting her as she has 2 kids now and is really unreliable, always cancelling things at the last minute (I havent seen her for about 8 years). Anyway, I invited her and she RSVPd, really excited about it etc but the morning of ther wedding she texted me to say her husband had "hurt his ankle" and they wouldnt be coming. I was so upset. Anyway, to cut a rambling story short, if you have any doubts that she may not show-don`t invite her. Also, when you are tight on numbers you have to be quite ruthless so a good way of doing things may be to rule out anyone you havent seen in the past year or two (wish I`d done this!)

good luck

Nope, I wouldn't bother.

Ruthless bride to be here!

I wouldn't invite her at all. If she's made no effort to keep in touch and you're not bothered, save yourself the cost of that extra guest!

(Ooooh I'm mean!)

I wouldn't invite her at all either. I've just this discussion with mr delicious who wanted several old school friends to be on our guest list, but we've not seen one for two years now and h2b has only only spoken to her twice. The other hasn't seen me since we left school and the one time i have seen him at h2b's birthday he didn't speak to me. And h2b hasn't really seen him since moving away from the area either.

I simply wouldn't invite someone who doesn't speak to you and who doesn't know you as a couple. For me i would say its a day about you two as a couple and the important people who've known you together should be the ones invited, especially if you're limited with numbers.

Hi there

To be honest it sounds you don't want to invite her, go with your gut feeling its your wedding.

As a 2n option perhaps (depending on how much lead up you have to the wedding) you wait to see if you get any pull outs and then you could invite her to the day, that means you prob will have to get your invites/or save the dates out earlier though.

Hope that helps Cat x