Would you invite someone to your wedding who hates you?

Based on the knowledge you've given us, I wouldn't invite him. If you want to make the extra effort for the moral high ground you could send him an invitation and expect it to be declined. Personally, i wouldn't do that though. He might decide to come and make trouble.

You've asked him in advance and he has clearly declined. If I were you, I'd leave it at that.

Its a horrible situation for you to be in. You've done the right thing so far. Nothing should reflect badly on you.

To just answer your last question, and ignore the fact it's family, no, I wouldn't invite anyone who feels that way about me and makes me feel that way. Obv it's about who you want there. If you want him there then invite him, and he makes the decision. But if a person made me feel that way, devastated and humiliated speaking behind my back to my own family I wouldn't want them there.. Sorry about your situation..

Erm...you've informally extended the invitation and his response was "No, why would I go?"

So, no, I wouldn't send him a formal invitation.

If it were anyone else I would say certainly not, but this has obviously upset you. I think I would still want to invite him, but can you handle an official no, or maybe even worse, him completely ignoring you and you having to ask the question again? Sadly I know from my husbands family that just being related by blood isn't always enough. I hope you can move on from this.

For me, this. Ignoring the rest of the situation - which I really feel for you by the way, must be awful - if someone has said they don't want to come, I wouldn't bother inviting them. Especially if we didn't really get on! If it was someone who I got on well with and who was clearly upset they couldn't make it, I would think about sending one just as a gesture, but that doesn't apply here in my eyes.

This is quite a new revelation for me. As I explained, it's not a case of we don't get on... he's my brother. We never seen eye to eye, and had our differences, blah blah blah, but I just figured that it was normal sibling stuff. The fact that it does seem he hates me puts me in a difficult position.

I feel obliged to invite him because we're related, but as someone mentioned above, there is the risk of him causing trouble if he does come along. I also don't want to put my mum in an awkward position. I'm not expecting her to choose sides, if we don't get on then that's between us and not her. But I do worry that he'll make her life miserable if we don't invite him.

I have no problem if he declines the invitation, because we've never been so close that I'd feel like something was missing if he wasn't there. The only time I see him is when I visit my parents, and he happens to visit at the same time.

I just hate the idea of being obligated to invite someone just because you're related.

Thanks for all the advice and kinds words - it's really helped. I'll keep thinking on it and make the decision when the time comes.

This may be controversial but if it was me I would send him an invitation. It's his problem and he will most likely decline. If you don't invite him I would imagine family will ask where he is. In all honesty you can then say he was invited showing you are the bigger woman. He sounds the sort that would still *** behind your back if no invite was sent - he can't do that then! Feel free to ignore though.

You've already invited him and he declined, rather rudely too. Life is too short to worry about what others may think especially when someone has made their feelings blatantly clear.

^^^ This^^^

By the sounds of it, he will refuse anyway but at least you will feel you did the right thing by him and your mum.

I'm always of the opinion that you should be the bigger person in these situations. OK, so he has stated his dislike for you, but you now show that you are willing to put that to one side

I have every sympathy though. My dear grandmother came to my first wedding, even though she disapproved of me marrying at a young age and particularly hated the fact that I was pregnant. My Mum's friends spent the whole day sitting on her and not allowing her to voice her opinions - I knew nothing of it at the time, but thoroughly enjoyed hearing about it later!!

Make sure you have people that can do the same for you if he does turn up and threaten trouble and then just put it to one side and concentrate on your new family life xxx

What a horrible situation to be in.

I wouldn't invite him - if this were a friend then you would have binned them a long time ago.....do what you feel is right Xx

I think this is easy to deal with. There is no dilemma. He has informed you that he does not wish to attend and does not require an invite.

So I wouldn't invite him!

No dilemma here. Don't invite him. He doesn't want to come anyway. My sister is the most vile human being in earth and I'm not inviting her. I feel for you. Happy to chat with you if you need to offload by PM.

Being related doesn't give them carte blanche to treat us like ***.

He already told you that he's got no intentions of coming so I think it absolutely fine not to invite him. Also, personally I don't think anyone should feel like they have to invite someone purely because the person is a family member. We didn't invite quite a few family members (including my dad's sister) because we never see them and don't feel like they are close to us. We had rather small/average size wedding and we invited only people who we felt were close to us, not those who we 'should' invite or 'because we invited X, now we have to invite Y' etc.

Errr NO! And if you have an questions off anyone just quote his reply!!!

like the saying goes you can choose your friends not your family!!

harsh, I know, but it's your day so enjoy it without the stress of having him there and what he might say or do if he feels that way x

My thoughts exactly. Just because we are related to someone doesn't mean we have to put up with the way they are.

Personally, I would not invite him, given what you have said and putting aside that he is your brother, what other reason would you have to invite him. He has already said 'No' so you have no reason to feel any guilt whatsoever.

Families are funny things, and the closer your wedding draws near, the more unexpected their behaviour becomes.

We feel we owe a duty of love and care to family members, but that is not the case. This is your big day, and you do not want to be reminded of his resentment or even moreso that his resentment build and spoil your day.

Have you ever asked him what his problem with you is? It sounds to me like his a brat and jealousy that he had to share his parents if his never given you a chance (if this is the case he needs to get over himself). I would ask to meet him somewhere and just outright ask him why he hates you. if he doesn't want to meet do it over the phone. If you guys find mutual ground I would invite him if not I wouldn't bother and I would tell my parents the truth as to why.

Dont invite him. He sounds like douchebag.

I am really sorry for you. You must be very upset by it. I'm glad you don't feel this will affect your day negatively.

I can totally see why you might want to keep your mum happy or at least ensure that she won't be badgered by him. does she know he said that to you? You could leave his invite at your mums house at least she's got some ammunition?

i would try to talk to him or email him? He sounds very immature... How old is he if you don't mind me asking? You say he's older than you. It's quite bizarre behaviour really. Is he going through a tough time? Maybe he wants your support and instead of being vulnerable with you and asking for it he's pushinh you away?

i only ask that as something similar happened to my dad. His brothers wife was very ill with a serious mental health problem and instead of telling my dad he let rip at him and they didn't speak for months. My dad eventually found out and called him. My uncles a weird one, but they made up eventually...