Writing thank you cards - Urggghhhh

Of course he should do some!! Tell him to write in block capitals if he's that worried lol

I wrote all of ours for that reason, but he sat with me and we decided together what to write.

A tough job indeed. Don't beat yourself up with trying to come up with different words for everyone - only you'll know that some are the same or very similar. So a nice Thank you for sharing our day and for your kind/generous gift etc. will suffice. x

Thanks guys, I've insisted that he at least join me and write the groomsmen ones to start with...... then I'll hand him the pile for his relatives too, LOL.

I opened some prosecco and it's made the cards get slightly more silly as time went on. The last one I wrote was "Thank you for coming to our wedding, and for showing me your nipples. It made it a glorious day."

He didn't give a gift or a card, so I was struggling for things to say I guess. But he did open his shirt and do a nipple tweak in front of me when he got drunk, so thought was as good as anything to comment on? ?

I have ordered ours, they have arrived and Mr Erin can start writing them when he gets back from being away with work. My hand writing is crap and to be fair l did the majority of the wedding organising so it is his turn now!

Ugh, this is is on my to do list! You have my sympathy Claire. Not looking forward to it one bit!

Where did you all get your cards from?

Got mine printed from Zazzle, same as our invitations, with a photo from the wedding etc. They screwed them up as they were printed off centre. I got my money back in the end after 2 weeks of whining and opening a paypal case. We still liked the design though (since we'd made one to match our wedding theme), so I ended up trimming them all with a craft knife to fix them, and using them anyway. So, free cards I guess! Oh, except I spent £5 on new envelopes as the ones they sent were also 1/2 cm bigger than the Royal Mail maximum for normal letters, even though the cards were a lot smaller. Would have been hit with a much bigger postage bill if I hadn't done that.

Lots of people recommend Vistaprint for cards. I wouldn't be using Zazzle again I don't think. More due to the envelope size issue than anything else!

I'd totally make your H do some! Love the nipple story though.

? We didn't do ours in the end. I wanted to use a picture one of our friends took, but H wanted to wait for our photos from our tog, but as he didn't get the photos to us until end of March (we got married 1st Oct) it kind of got put on the back burner and forgot about as life got in the way.

Oooh, that's a risky business! There are some grudges in my family following a failure to send a thank you card!

Come to think of it, I didn't get a thank you card from a wedding last year, and to this day it makes me wonder whether they got the cash gift inside or whether some ass of a hotel worker liberated some of the cards from the box!

I have just finished mine, thank goodness! I started off all enthusiastic and thinking how nice it would be to write a personal message for everyone but towards the end had just had enough!

OH didn't do any, using bad hand writing as an excuse ☹️

I ordered mine as A5 postcards from printed.com with a photo of us on the front with 'Thank You' wrote over it; they were really nice and quality and a fairly decent price so I would recommend them!

I had to make a special request to our TOG for her to send me 3 or 4 nice photos shortly after the wedding so that I could get the cards ordered before we went on honeymoon and she obliged nicely by emailing me over 4 just after midnight on the night of the wedding ;-)

It is a worry as it does happen...

You're so good!! As I did 99% of the planning there was no way I was going to write OH's thank you cards too (yes, aware they are all of our guests but man my hand hurt after writing 6!). I sent mine out about 2/3 weeks after the wedding as just wanted to get them done. OH on the other hand took ages and then he got angry as his in laws had spoken to my parents and they hadn't got theirs yet, yadda yadda - so just make sure you send them out all at once !

Oh and as for writing thank you's to those that didn't gift I know it's reaaaaaaaaallly bad but we didn't send them a card We have said thank you now we've seen them but I literally could not face writing more!!!

We got ours from Vistaprint - very happy x

Oh god, now I feel I really need to send extra proper cards out to those who didn't GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Ha, I will get on with it once i get my professional photos back ;-)

I hope you thanked people though.

A close friend of mine hasn't thanked any of our friendship group for the money or gifts we gave at their wedding and although I won't fall out with her about it, it hasn't gone unnoticed. My Mum brought me up to always write a thank you card or at least speak to them and thank them for any gift I received. I thought it was a massive pain in the bum when I was younger but now I'm an oldie I understand how much it means.

We didn't get verbal thank yous either in the two scenarios I was thinking about. Which really really makes you wonder if they ever got the gift.....

Is it too late? How long ago did the other cards go out?

To be honest, having heard so many people on WP being so anti-gift lists and absolutely appalled that anyone would consider having one, this is the reason why I will be sending a thank you card to everyone who attended. If I left out those who didn't even bring a card, I'd feel like I was really beyond redemption in the eyes of the Gift-List-Mafia.

I must admit this is what I was worried about. It was cash in an envelope. I know another friend gave JL vouchers though and what was bought was mentioned but no actual thank you so this makes me think they did get it.

We havent even started ours yet and we got married at the start of May. Stupidly we paid extra for super speedy delivery and then didn't get round to writing them as something came up, then the house move got in the way and now I've no idea what box they're in. H is definitely writing his friends and family ones, we've both got equally appalling hand writing. I've been awful with everything since the wedding. I haven't even done a flash on hitched let alone a report!

Arwww, I think people will understand if you've moved house!

I did start to panic when we went over the one-month mark, as I've heard a lot of people *expect* the card within a month, which actually I think is a fair enough expectation, particularly if you put cash in a card and are a bit worried about it, LOL !

I am on a mission tonight. Tonight I WILL finish all the UK cards. I will get them out tomorrow. I will, I will, I will.

My husband is the Irish one, so I'm fine with his being left a bit longer, as he can hand them out when back in Ireland in July, which will save us quite a bit on postage costs, LOL.

There was no way we were going to do them within a month!

It's never too late to send a thank you We didn't have a gift list but nearly everyone gave us something which was ridiculously unexpected!! I had a look last night at those who didn't (I kept a list to write the thank you cards) and it turned out that 5 people out of 81 day and 120 evening chose not too which is absolutely more than fine - especially as we asked for nothing!!! I wrote them cards last night...DONE Conscience cleared...ok excluding one person which is OH's friend - it's up to him as obviously other people received theirs aaaaagges ago (beginning May)! x

We sent ours out about a month after the wedding. We bought little cards with our names on and a little heart. I wrote personalised cards for everyone. Either thanking them for their present, for coming or for money. If it was money, we said we were taking it on honeymoon and would treat ourselves ie nice meal, tour, tickets etc. I had to redo loads for writing so much. There was one of Hs aunties who said she didn't want to bring money so we'd get it later but we never did so we just said thank you for coming.

We went to two weddings, very start of May and very end of May and we've not had any thank you cards yet. Start of May one more acceptable because of a honeymoon but it was money both times which makes me worry they never got it!!

Well done!

You know I think keeping a list is a poisoned chalice. You create one with the right view in mind, just to make sure you really thank every one properly for the right gifts and their cards. Particularly if they homemake a card, or it's really fancy and you want to refer to it in your thank you.... BUT.... it has the accidental impact of making you really overtly notice who didn't give you a card. A card may not seem a big deal to some, but it really made me wonder about a few 'friends' and whether I'll continue to be friends with them when I move house soon. Doubt I would have had those thoughts without that damned list !!

Having said that though, I'm the type that still sends birthday cards, choosing each one specially, and I really appreciate getting birthday cards and Christmas cards. Husband on the other hand never sends anyone any cards, so not being that 'type', he couldn't give a crap about whether some people didn't give us wedding cards. So obviously I am aware that if you're in that camp, it may not even occur to you to give a wedding card, so a lack of a card shouldn't be read into too much....

If it was my wedding in May Tizzie, it's on its way, promise!!! ?

Yep, completely agree with you. At the time, post wedding I must admit I was pretty shocked that people turned up without a card and they were day guests. Would we had even noticed without a list?! Looking at it again last night, 2 of the 5 gave cards, the other 3 nothing. I personally would never dream of going to a wedding/engagement/christening without a card or gift but that's just how I am (I too love picking cards for any occasion, oh the hours I waste in Scribbler and Paperchase!). The reason why these guests stood out so much was because other people had been so over generous and thoughtful. We were even lucky enough to receive cards and presents from people we hadn't invited (neighbors/family friends etc) - they got thank you cards asap!! So yes, I guess I sound very hypocritical by not sending the 'infamous 5' a thank you first off - they did all get lovely favours and a free bar...

I guess some do, some don't It's not a personal attack and I still think our wedding was aaaaaaaaweeeeeesome!! My OH also is not a card sender, I am training him though, (as everything he does is a reflection on me ) I have a card box for last minute emergencies and those that I prebuy/save for people when I see them.

Oh and just remembered, 2 of the 5 people post wedding said something along the lines of "we never got you a gift! would you like cash?" to which I went bright red and said "DON'T BE SO SILLY!!" it was mortifying!

I also have a card box..... And a few of my friends have got about 4 birthdays worth of cards earmarked for them, ready and waiting. You know when you see a card and think "that'll be perfect for X", but it's not her birthday for another 11 months - me, I'll get it anyway and put it in the box. That can happen at a quicker rate than the friends have birthdays, meaning I end up with a huge stash. I have a series of 4 sausage-dog related funny cards awaiting a friend's next 4 birthdays. She has a sausage-dog, obvs.

My 'infamous 5' equivalent includes a girlfriend who asked me FOUR times for details of our gift list. Once in person, three times electronically. Gave her the web link details each time. But come the wedding, she was there with hands swinging, no gift and no card. Now that one I found odd. I also had four couples say to me at the wedding "we haven't bought off your gift list yet, but we will". One of them later did. It's weirder to mention gifts or cards and then not give one than just staying schtum I think. It really draws more attention to the absence of the card / gift. I wouldn't have even needed 'the list' to spot that those never materialised after they made such a big deal of mentioning it!

Yes, exactly that! I have a thing for cards with parrots on for my mum, ha! I have to put a post it note with names on the envelopes now in case OH thinks they are fine for any old person! I have a wedding card which I bought sooooooooooooooo long ago and it's so pretty I can't bear to give it to anyone hahaha!

That is so weird to ask multiple times and then, nada! We got married beginning of April, with another close friends 2 weeks after, one of the '5' went to both weddings I totally wanted to ask the bride whether she got a card off 'x' - I totally didn't and won't but I am intrigued I have to admit....

Ooooh, you'd be right miffed to learn your friend got a wedding card off them - it's like a competition as to which of you they prefer, LOL.

All of this chatter has made me recall the biggest 'infamous 5' issue from our wedding. Actually not card related, but gift related. We went to the other couple's wedding only a couple of months ago. They are close friends of OH, so we would always have given a decent gift, but after we found that they had a really expensive gift list (items up to £490), I guess we felt pressured into spending more than we would normally. More fool us (not their fault). The couple then came to our wedding and gave us a gift 1/3 of the value. Even if we hadn't chosen to increase our gift, they still would have been reciprocating with half of the value. Now we're all told "you don't give to receive", but I think it's not just me who would be surprised by that. My OH was really miffed, and I was really perplexed as they seem like the type who would be all about wedding etiquette. I'm sure some Hitchers would question my attitude in me saying that, but I actually think it's natural to lean towards 'gift matching' when weddings are very close together, or at least not having such a massive discrepancy, and so being in the same ball park. I know that I'd only ever give an equal gift, or more if I happened to be in a better position at the time. This is when referring to your bog standard gift lists of course, and not 'thoughtful' gifts that people have gone to an effort to choose or make, as obviously you wouldn't put that type of value judgement on those.

It's interesting, as I know I'm a bit tight for 'spare' cash at the moment, so I have actually set aside the wedding gift cash we received from another couple in May, so that I have money for their wedding gift in September! I just wouldn't dream of spending their gift money on us now, and then not being able to afford to return the gesture later in the year. That just seems more rude to me.

I vaguely remember reading this on the WP forum if i'm not mistaken!! Not going to lie, I too would be a bit "eeerrr whaaaa?!" if someone did that to us.

It's just a really weird thing to do! If you can work the value out - i.e cash/honeymoon voucher/john lewis etc gift site then surely they would reciprocate to the samish value. Understandably they may be stumped for cash post wedding but why not go down the 'thoughtful' gift route! You can get so many lovely gifts for people that don't cost much but mean so much more! One of my favourite wedding gifts was from a friend who tracked down an old postcard from the 1930s of our road (first home we bought together) and put it in a clear frame so we could see the front and read the message on the back. It's amazing and pride of place on the mantlepiece. I thought it was lovely anyway...

On another note - most recent wedding we went to, on the guest list was a vera wang gravy boat for seventy odd quid. Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of quality but from pictures it looks IDENTICAL to ours from the pound shop...

Personally I'm only writing thank yous to people who gave us a gift. I'm not doing it in a hostile way but more that it didn't occur to me to say thanks for coming. I wouldn't thank people in writing for coming to any other event. Although I have realised we are seeing H's friends next week and I can't give thank yous to all but one, that would be rude! I wrote a list of gifts everyone gave us to keep and plan on looking back at it when buying their gift. Although some of our guests were so generous it might be expensive with the gifts coming up! I would feel bad though to give them something worth a lot less unless I really couldn't afford it.

LOL, it doesn't surprise me that I'm repeating myself !

The thoughtful gift that you had is exactly the type that is priceless

Gift lists are always interesting like that. Especially when you've been to each other's houses a lot, live quite similar (Ikea) lifestyles, and think a Vera Wang £70 gravy boat is not exactly in keeping with everything else that they own nor the rest of the gift list. I yo-yo between thinking that people were just picking random things off the John Lewis website to fill up their list, and then thinking that they might have thought (quite rightly) that a wedding might just be the time to step out of the box and go for a bit of luxury. Like you though, I wouldn't have considered buying that as most gravy boats are fairly similar, so I would want to get something that seemed more 'worth' the price.