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Beginner August 2007

wwyd

Mrs S Smith, 24 July, 2008 at 11:38 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 2

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Hello all!

I just need some advice here, but please don't quote me as I may have to delete...

H and I have been going through a rough time recently, my depression is creeping back up, and he just finds it really hard to deal with. On the same time, I'm expected to be there for him whenever he feels crap, which is fairly often at the moment, because he's on garden leave after being made redundant..

This morning my boss even called me into a meeting room and asked me if I was alright; obviously I've not been hiding it very well recently..

This is the thing: WWYD? I can't talk to him, cos then I'm nagging, and he keeps saying sorry for doing things, but then carries on. He tells me what to do, where to go, what to wear. E.g. at my company there's a staff ball 2x a year, which I'm not allowed to go to, because he doesn't want me to get dressed up without him being around, etc, and he definitely doesn't want me to stay over at the venue (it's in London often) because he doesn't trust the fact that I'm not going to cheat on him (FYI - I never have!)..

I've tried to make him come with me to Relate; we've been for one long session, think it was something like 10 sessions, before we got married, and have been back for a cath-up once since. He doesn't want to go back, because he doesn't think we have a problem. But I'm getting more and more miserable.. I don't know what to do!

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Latest activity by Mrs S Smith, 24 July, 2008 at 12:07

funky moover · 24 July, 2008 at 11:41
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could you go to relate on your own? would maybe help to get an outsiders perspective on things & might give you some ways of handling certain situations

sorry you're having a rough time at the moment I hope things get better for you
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Hickory · 24 July, 2008 at 11:44
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Oh dear, i'm not sure what to advise really but it doesn't sound great, does it? I can't believe you're 'not allowed' to go to your work ball or stay away overnight! Has he always been like this or is a sympton of feeling depressed about his redundancy?

I think that it might be a good idea to see a counsellor on your own if he really won't go with you, as it sounds like there are some issues you need to work out yourself too. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of controlling, manipulative behaviour. He sounds very jealous. You're your own person and need to be strong and stand up to him. I was in a relationship like this for a couple of years some time ago and it only made me realise that you only get one shot and you need to make sure you do whatever you can to be happy with yourself and your life and those around you.

He sounds like he's making your depression even worse and if i was you, i'd make sure he knew you weren't going to put it with it any longer. Either he helps you sort it, or you sort it yourself and decide whether or not you need/want him around.
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Beginner August 2007
Mrs S Smith · 24 July, 2008 at 12:07
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Thank you ladies.

I do see a psychotherapist twice a week on average, but she's away for 7 weeks, back on 1st September. I guess I'm just really struggling, because I can't really see any future with him at the moment.. But, again, I'm not sure whether it's because of my depression..

I know that being with him will mean I'll never be able to do things again; when I first got with him I was wanting to buy my own dive centre one day, and travel lots. But I can't do that now, because I couldn't leave H on its own while I go travelling, and he can't go because he's got his 2 kids from previous.

I'm going to try and talk to him again soon, obviously not today because I'm off this afternoon for a company do (that's what he said about me not coming home from because I'll get drunk etc etc etc) and the kids are coming down on Saturday. I guess the only time I have is tomorrow night..

He's been in 2 serious relationships before, and both women have left him. I can see a pattern emerging here, because he's just so insecure and pretty controlling..

Anyway, thanks! ?
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