WWYD - Invite to wedding

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Who is this person and how would you live to regret it if you don't...? Why don't you want to invite them...?

Personally i wouldn't surely you want guests there that you want to be there and not because you have to.

Erm.. my dad!!!

We have a funny relationship anyway (we get on, but its strained). But I decided that I wasn't going to invite his family to the actual wedding, but to the reception. He has hit the roof, and we had a big row about it about a month ago, and we haven't spoken since.

Given that not one person in his family has attempted to keep in touch with me in the past 20 years (my mum and dad divorced when I was 3) - for example, my nana and grandad have not ONCE in 20 years rung me (!) - I think that my decision is perfectly resonable and understandable.

Last time we spoke, we had this row, and I left his house crying my eyes out. We have had no contact since.

TBH I'm fed up of him - its the same old story all the time, which is a load of carp from him.

But then, he's my dad isn't he?? ☹️

It is a very hard decision and i think only you could really decided them. If it was me I would just invite MY DAD and his current wife if he has one & that is it. Dont need his side of family if you dont want them and they never bothered keeping in contact with you.
At least you know good or bad your dad was on your wedding day!

All the best
Ela

It's such a personal decision to make I'm not sure anything I could say one way or the other would be useful.

Just bear in mind that weddings bring out heated emotions in people as different people have different expectations and different ideas of what is acceptable, what is considered bad-manners, etc. The fact that you've had a blinding row with him over this, probably isn't uncommon - I think most people fall out with a member of their family to one extent or another during wedding planning. People generally calm down even if they don't necessarily agree. It doesn't mean your relationship with him is over (unless you want it to be)

So yes I think I'd invite him. But that's just me.

quote:Originally posted by lucylu
It's such a personal decision to make I'm not sure anything I could say one way or the other would be useful.

Just bear in mind that weddings bring out heated emotions in people as different people have different expectations and different ideas of what is acceptable, what is considered bad-manners, etc. The fact that you've had a blinding row with him over this, probably isn't uncommon - I think most people fall out with a member of their family to one extent or another during wedding planning. People generally calm down even if they don't necessarily agree. It doesn't mean your relationship with him is over (unless you want it to be)

So yes I think I'd invite him. But that's just me.

Only you can make this decision as we just don't know enough about your circumstances. What does h2b think?

My dad won't be at my wedding, not seem him in years and years (don't think he's ever been bothered to be honest). I didn't have to think twice about inviting him (don't even know where he lives!) but that's my situation, not necessarily the right or wrong thing for you to do.

My dad will not be at my wedding. I haven't seen him in 16 years and I haven't heard from any of his family in that time either. I know I won't regret not inviting him, I have a wonderful step dad who has been with us since I was 5. But like Chickaroonee that is me and not you.

Neither my mum and dad were at my wedding and I am happy it was that way. I had some last minute wobbles in the weeks before and felt that I might be missing out not having them there, but on the day I didn't feel their absence at all. Nor have I regretted it since (only two and a bit weeks though).

I think it is a hard decision to make, but if you think their being there would cause you more distress in the long run than them not then that gives you the answer.

Good luck with making your decision.

My dad will not be at my wedding and I'm more than happy with that. He walked out on my mum when I was four (and she was 8 months pregnant) never to make contact again.

TBH even if I knew where he was I wouldn't invite him becauese I don't know him.

It's a really hard choice to make, only you can decide but remember its your day and if you will feel uncomfortable about inviting him then don't,

my parents split up when i was about 4 or 5 and mum remarried my step dad will be giving me away ( and paying for half of the wedding!)i'm planning on going to visit my day who i've seen about 10 times in the last 15 years this week i'm going to invite him and his gf but i don't want him on the top table etc and i'm worried about what he will think, but at the end of the day it's my wedding and i dont want to spend the whole day worrying about falling out with him.

don't let your dad emotionally blackmail you into it if he wasn't there for you growing up then can he honestly expect you to want him there on your big day?

Similar situation for me (parents divorced, dad hadn't contacted me for 3 years so asked my mum to give me away, when I told him he went balistic and said wouldn't come to the wedding unless he was giving me away)

We've now been married for 3.5 years and I have never regretted that my dad wasn't there.

H2b and his dad also have a strained relationship - they are in contact but probably see each other no more than once a year. We never see his dad's side of the family.

h2b decided not to invite his dad to the wedding on the basis that he hadn't been there for the difficult parts of raising a child (he left when he was 5) so why should he get to come to the fun parts and play the proud father?

It is a very difficult decision though ?

If my Dad comes to the wedding he will either be knocked out or arrested, depending on who gets to him first!! His sister is coming as I am quite close to her but neither of my dads parents are invited either. They don't bother with me so I'm not bothering with them!! My Dad can't even remember how old I am and the family joke is that the only reason he remembers my name is because it is tattooed on his arm!

Difference is that this isn't something new. I haven't spoken to him since I had him arrested 10 years ago. If this is a relatively new argument and your dad has been involved in the rest of your life I can see your dilema!

I totally agree with not inviting your grandparents etc if the have never bothered with you as that is exactly what I am doing; I'm working on the basis that if I wouldn't send them a christmas card I'm not going to send them an invite!

I have to argee with Lucylu and Hepburn. Planning a wedding can be so emotional.

The one piece of advice I would give, is that by inviting your Dad (and his partner if you wish) you are reaching out to mend the relationship following the arguement. That takes a very strong person to do that.

If your Dad should choose to continue to feel so strongly about the invitation stretching to his family then it is his decision and his loss should he not attend your special day.

I hope this helps, it is such a sensitive issue that I would not want to make any harsh judgements.

Best of luck

A x

quote:Originally posted by Hepburn

quote:Originally posted by lucylu
It's such a personal decision to make I'm not sure anything I could say one way or the other would be useful.

Just bear in mind that weddings bring out heated emotions in people as different people have different expectations and different ideas of what is acceptable, what is considered bad-manners, etc. The fact that you've had a blinding row with him over this, probably isn't uncommon - I think most people fall out with a member of their family to one extent or another during wedding planning. People generally calm down even if they don't necessarily agree. It doesn't mean your relationship with him is over (unless you want it to be)

So yes I think I'd invite him. But that's just me.

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I whole heartedly agree with lucylu on this. And if it was me I would invite him but it's got to be your decision.

Have you discussed this with your H2B? What does he think?

My Dad will not be at the wedding and he didn't get an invite. I haven't seen him in years and it is my Stepdad who will be doing the honours! I have invited my older brother, who I know will not reply or come (he is friendly with our real Dad) but at least I know I have invited him.

It's a very personal choice, as someone mentioned, most of us have someone who is estranged from the family - usually their own decision!

E?