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WWYD/Would you say anything/How would you feel?

Oopsie, 28 June, 2010 at 23:40 Posted on Planning 0 7

I am maid of honor at a friends wedding next year (July 2011). There are 4 of us altogether. 2 of us already married, 1 will be engaged (getting engaged soon, she doesnt know about it) and 1 whose status I am unsure of.

Anyway, 1 of the other girls, the other married one, is Chief Bridesmaid.

At the moment I am the only bridesmaid who seems to have any involvement in the wedding. I am helping out with looking for shoes, dresses, helping to make invites, helping to make the table plan, apparently going to have lots of "jobs" on the day including helping the bride out of her dress at the end of her wedding day (her request). I even have a lot of her wedding bits at my house, even though I really don't have room and to be honest I can't understand why it has been left here.

So I feel like I am doing a hell of a lot of jobs, most of which I would associate as being jobs a Chief Bridesmaid should do, yet I feel quite put out that I won't get the recognition as people assume that the chief bridesmaid is helping with these, rather than "just" a bridesmaid. (People have already asked if I am Chief Bridesmaid because of all the things I am helping out with)

I'm just wondering about subtley asking what the Chief Bridesmaid is doing to help? Or do I leave it?

7 replies

Latest activity by Little Madam, 29 June, 2010 at 10:47
  • Suzie&Karl
    Beginner January 2012
    Suzie&Karl ·
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    Hmmm not really sure. Although i would have thought MOH and CBM shuld have similar jobs?

    I know i have been involving my MOH more than my other bridesmaids at the moment (i havent got a CBM), but thats because of Uni etc.

    Sorry i couldnt help more x

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  • jem179
    Beginner May 2010
    jem179 ·
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    Maid of honour and chief bridesmaid are the same thing, one is an american term and the other is English. So you should both have big role to play and be sharing the jobs between you.

    When I got married though none of my bms did anything to help so I'm sure she appreciates how supportive you are and on the day noone cares or asks who the cbm is

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  • watsonnicole1
    Beginner October 2010
    watsonnicole1 ·
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    I thought they were the same thing? Maybe she trusts you a little more to get whatever jobs she wants you to help with right?

    I actually don't think you should say anything, She's your friend right? So, why you would quabble at helping her anyway? I don't understand. My dress is at my friends house who isn't even a BM but she is my friend so i didn't even think that it was bad not to ask her.

    TBH - I am a control freak and my MOH isn't do anything but my hen night.

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  • B
    Beginner July 2010
    brideseekingblush ·
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    I think Starstruck makes some good points - (and if it's not a weird thing to say has beautiful names for her children). I can see it might irk a bit doing all the work, but that's just the way it is. I think the only thing that matters is whether you feel she's putting too much on you and you don't have time for it. If that's the case, or if you don't have room for the wedding stuff in your home, I'd just say "look I'm keen to help but I'm pretty busy at the moment, so could I step back a bit?" I wouldn't reference it to what the CBM is doing/not doing as that's between the bride and her. FWIW my sister who's not a BM at all has prob been the most help to me.

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  • tahdah
    Beginner September 2009
    tahdah ·
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    I think it's a case of sucking it up, you've got a very 'me me me' approach IMO. Perhaps phoning the other BM to say you were wondering if she could help with ABC (instead of you always offering).

    Not being funny, but could it be that you've just 'got there' before the other BM...do you think she may feel put out that you've been doing all this stuff?

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  • Little Madam
    Beginner
    Little Madam ·
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    I think you should just take it as a compliment that she trusts you enough to help make decisions on something as important as a dress etc. I am a massive control freak, I am even struggling to let my OH take on some tasks by himself!

    It would be a problem if you didnt want to do the jobs she was asking you to do, I assume thats not an issue? Otherwise enjoy being involved knowing that the other BMs are missing out on.

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