Yet more family advice

They are having party for that with all the family? Isn't that odd?

Also has he said he won't help you with the other party?

It all sounds bit sneaky and petty to me tbh and I would be quite miffed too.

(Let me know if that's too obvious and I'll delete if needed)

Yikes, that does seem a bit suspicious.

Hmm, really don't know what to suggest but seems a shame not to celebrate such a double event.

Considering you and your brother spoke about this I'm shocked that he's gone and organised his own party - didn't all the people come to the wedding? Another party a year later to celebrate the same thing when it's your parents 40th seems a bit selfish to me. If your SIL and mum don't get on is it likely to be her doing.

I'd speak to your brother about it - it may well be a friends only party for his anniversary.

I wouldn't assume that people won't come to both parties. Can you ask the key people whether they would be up for your mum's party in theory? It doesn't matter if a few people don't make it.

Hmm, well, yes, it appears they are having a family party for their first anniversary and and have invited everyone who went to their engagement party, which includes Mum and Dad's brothers and sisters.

My brother hasn't said he won't help with Mums party, he just seems to think we'll have two. I don't think they'll be able to contribute financially given that they're having their own party. It was much more of a 'yeah, I'll help, whatever' rather than 'yes, we agreed to do this between us'

Mum and SIL don't really get on, and my brother is stuck in the middle. However, he has put me in a difficult position here. Mum suspects we're organising some sort of do and will be very hurt if we don't. I'm not sure he's that bothered TBH, and I'm fairly sure my SIL won't care at all.

God, it's a hard one. I would suspect, if you got the invitations out for your parent's 40th out quick before they'd had a chance to reply to your B and SIL, people would prefer to go to that if they had to choose between the two.

Saying that, depending on your family, people might think an egagement party, a wedding and a first anniversary party is taking the pee somewhat and decline anyway!!

Their party is at 7.30pm. I wonder whether I could organise a relly-only afternoon tea at, say 2pm. Everyone could move onto my brother's party together?

SIL might be miffed as it may steal her thunder. Also they have told Mum she's doing the catering, although we could do a few more things under the guise of helping her, when really they are for her party IYSWIM. My brother and SIL may not be able to attend if they are sorting out their own. Do you think that would be unreasonable of me?

Who has a 1st anniversary party? I don't get it.

It does sound odd and I think I would tell your Brother it's a little off, then get the 40th invitations out as soon as humanly possible.

?

Tbh the more I think of it, I'd feel a bit weird at someone's 1st anniversary party I think if it was a big do solely for that. I don't think they'll get many acceptances ?

Do they expect more pressies? I felt guilty enough for inviting people to a wedding!

Cor that's mean of them. I say 'them', but as you say it will probably have been seen as the ideal oppertunity to stick two fingers up to your mum, by SIL.

How about you take your M&D out for a nice slap up meal as a surprise instead (stop over at thier house to reduce costs).

Lordy, what a situation! Families eh....

You're kidding????? Clairy, have you thought about sacking both your families off and living on an island? ?

I think the idea of tea in the afternoon for your parents could work and tell your SIL to sort her own party out so your mum doesn't have to. If they don't get on I'm sure your mum wont mind SIL not being there.

Would your mum be happy about this or would it be a huge disapointment. Or is she kind enough to realise that this is the best option for the family so they don't feel awkward having to choose between parties within 2 weeks of each other?

Well, I dunno.

Exaclty what Hole said.

Effing families.

How pleased am I that both sides are playing up at the same time? ?

I had a vaguely similar family issue. Parents big anniversary, children decide to club together for a nice holiday to x. One couple (child and partner) say it's too much for the parents to go on and they all club together to buy something more local instead. Only for said couple to make the grand gesture of buying THAT holiday to x for the parents themselves!

Gahh famililies!

(MA did you get my message that time about photographers ok? Just incase you thought I had ignored you)

How odd to have a party for that though? (a tad self indlulgent if I may say). Would afternoon tea and an evening do be a bit much though? Especially if your mum is helping with the catering?

I don't know all the logistics or your budget but I might be inclined to do something totally different. What about a family meal out somewhere - even if it's just you, your H, the kids and your parents?

Sorry Jaz, I did. The protrait has now been canx as the baybehs are sick.

Hopefully we can get away with not having it done as I hate having my picture taken.

Oh no hope they get better soon. I was just a bit worried I'd sent it to someone random and they thought I was nuts and you thought I was ignoring you ?

Good grief, that's awful.

Right, well I have emailed him. I thought I would before I thought about it too much and got miffed. I have given him three options:

1) he doesn't invite the rellies to his party, and we have a relly only party for M&D

2) they share their party with Mum and Dad, and I help with the organising (if they want me to)

3) I organise a relly-tea on the afternoon of his party somewhere quiet. We then decamp to theirs for tea and skittles.

I suspect this may go down like a lead balloon, especially with SIL, but at least I am being upfront. I suspect my brother is stuck in the middle TBH.

What about doing a party for your parents one week before your mums birthday so it will be 3 weeks before brothers party. Even if you still do your afternoon tea idea jsut ealier so it isn't on the same day as the party.

If you get the invites out this week, people will have a choice and lots of notice.

Rellies would have to travel from the Isle of Wight and Somerset twice, and I just don't think they will. I suspect they'd rather come to Mums, but that's a bit mean for my brother, isn't it? I don't want to fall out with him.

Actually, I might just fall out with all of them and live in a cave ?

or you could suggest that just the two of them celebrate their aniversary and instead use their party as a guise for the wonderful 'surprise' party you're throwing for your parents.

I don't think I've ever heard of anyone having a party for their 1st year anniversary. It really is very strange.

They cancelled their stag and hen nights at short notice. SIL was ill but, TBH, I think she'd found the idea somewhat troubling anyway, even though my brother was up for it. They have decided that this is the way that they'll replace that.

I have never been to a first anniversary party either.

Honestly, I think I would be telling them that putting their 1st ahead of your parent's 40th is bloody selfish and to cop themselves on.

Why don't you suggest they have an afternoon tea for their 1st followed by a party for your Mum, since your mum's is the bigger deal.

And I'm sorry but I have to say this to the fact she didn't get a hen night - Boo feckin' hoo hoo hoo! Tell her to buy a bottle of fizz and drink it through a straw, she'll get the same result without all the aggro.

Oooh, I'm all cross for you ?

? I am so holding back, Holio

Hear hear.

Poor you Clairy, you're always stuck in the middle, you have my sympathy!

How good would it feel to let rip at bro & sil. They are being utterly selfish and mean.